Why is it so difficult to believe that bisexuality exists?

Sounds too good to be true?

For the record, I have no doubt that it exists.

Uptight members of society?

Narrow mindedness.

I think one cause can be that most people are brought up with the idea that a male/female partnership is the norm (others maybe that that is the only one) by their parents, (maybe) schools, and (big parts of) society.
Then, when someone learns about the possibily of same sex relations it might be hard to grasp and/or hard to change their ‘beliefs’.

Ignorance.

Blinkered thinking. You know, naive central.

@rebbel: It seems to me that many people specifically on fluther have no problem “believing” in homosexuality. It’s the idea that someone could be attracted to people with both kinds of genitalia that seems to flummox a lot of people.

@KatawaGrey I don’t know what has happened there…, while writing I suddenly, unaware, switched to gay relations.
I think the same (my initial answer’s message) applies to bisexuality though.
But I will think some more on it.

Lack of exposure.

In my little world, the battle has been on getting some heterosexuals to understand that homosexuality is natural and they deserve the same rights as a straight person. Of friends who are gay/lesbian, they either told me on the front end or did once they got to know me. Never has someone told me that they were bi-sexual, nor have they publicly displayed being one.

It wasn’t until I joined Fluther that I ever ran across this topic from a serious aspect, much less ‘met’ people who are. Is it because the percentage of people who fall in this sexual category is so small?

I can think of a few people who made the headlines for their bi-sexual actions, but the news was more of speculation and not of the actual person stating that they were. Anne Heche might be an example. If she has ever publicly stated that she is bi-sexual, I haven’t seen it. Her relationships with both men and at least one woman has.

The thought of someone being attracted to both kinds of genitalia doesn’t flummox me. If anything, it made me wonder if something in me could be repressing some underlying desire that I wasn’t in touch with at all.

Maybe they’ve only been exposed to people in their circles who say they are bisexuel but seem to be the type of person who will just sleep with anyone or anything. Perhaps that is the only realm of their realty and that is how their friends who say they are bi act.

Coming back to my previous answer: It is weird actually, not believing in bisexuality.
You never hear of people who don’t believe in cows, or chocolate or happiness.

@Pied_Pfeffer: I think part of you “not seeing” bisexuals is the assumption that someone dating a person of the same sex is homosexual and someone dating a person of the opposite sex is heterosexual. I just got out of a three-year relationship with a man, so many people assume that I am heterosexual. I never go around saying, “This is my boyfriend, but I’m not straight.” I just would introduce him as my boyfriend. You may actually know more bisexuals than you realize.

@rebbel: I never saw a purple cow. I never hope to see one. But I can tell you anyhow, I’d rather see than be one.

There no such thing. There are people who enjoy sleeping with women and or men but bisexuality at the moment is just a concept that most won’t approve of. And I’m sure if you are into the opposite sex or homosexual you can say you enjoy both sexes the same.

And dear @rebbel it all comes to how you interpret most of things. You can explain what happiness is to someone who is always unly with most things but he won’t believe you because that never happens to him. For him it’s an abstract thing or an absurdity. Or trying to explain to the cannibals that technology exists or dinosaurs roamed the earth .. it’s beyond their power to reason.

Okay. There are people who like to sleep today with a woman and next day with a man. It’s all good here but he can’t say he’s/she’s bisexual because we have other terms to define when sleeping with the same sex. You have to pick :) Either call everyone of those bisexuals or homosexuals.

@KatawaGrey Thank you for that, as it could very well be true. It’s a new bit of information to take into consideration. In thinking about it, there are probably two friends that are bi-sexual, yet have never come out about it, at least to me, and in once case, not to their now ex-wife. Long story that took place over 15 years.

I’ve also wondered about two friends that told me that they are gay, but have also had crushes on a particular woman that they would really like to date. It made me wonder if they were really gay or testing the waters of discovering that they were bisexual.

It all comes back to my initial response. For those of us lacking this experience of being sexually attracted to both men and women, and having little to no exposure to it, it is unlikely that we will get it. I’ve heard enough explanations from my gay/lesbian friends to understand their point-of-view. The bi-sexuals? Nothing gets mentioned.

@Pied_Pfeffer: Part of it is a little bit of fear of rejection. I can’t tell you how many times I’ve been out with friends and someone usually not someone I knew well would make some comment about how bisexuals are just kidding themselves or something equally as ignorant and discouraging. There’s also the added bonus of being a female bisexual. Tell a guy you’re bisexual? Forget it. He’ll something nasty about having a threesome or asking if he can watch or asking all sorts of details about my sexual acts with other women. Another cherry on the ignorance sundae is that many people think you can’t “know” if you’re bisexual unless you’ve had a sexual experience with both sexes, which I have not. This is utter bullshit as it means I would have been asexual before I lost my virginity.

As a 50-something lesbian, there is another point of view I would like to offer. When I grew up pretty much all of us were socialized to think that we were straight. This information came from parents and was reinforced in a number of other ways (e.g., TV, magazine ads, school, church, etc.). As such a young person, when I realized that I liked girls, my initial assumption is that I was bisexual. In that time period in history, it was also (in some circles) easier to indicate that you were bi (essentially normal but somewhat kinky—this is in the context of the times and the mind of a confused teen-aged girl).

It takes a good bit of work on one’s own internalized homophobia to admit to yourself that you are gay or lesbian and then to come out to others. For many of my generation, bisexuality was a temporary label along the way to the coming out process. It has taken me a while to work through my own assumptions about people who really are bisexual because of the era in which I came out. I have discussed this with various lesbian friends of my generation who have a shared experience. This is our short-coming or slow awakening to the world of others.

Many are quite flip about remarks that bisexuals have more dating availability. From the experiences I hear from bisexual friends, it is often a greater opportunity to be discriminated against (both gays and straights can be tentative about it at best).

I also know many of my generation and those a bit younger than I am who don’t date women who identify as bisexual. There is a perceived threat to one’s sense of security. This can include the concept that “you may leave me but now the pool of people you may leave me for is even bigger” and the very real concept that “you may get an STD from a guy and that puts my health at risk.”

I am not asserting that there is logic in the belief system, simply trying to share another point of view.

@KatawaGrey and @Kayak8 Thank you both for sharing. Some of your comments are the insights that would have never crossed my mind unless shared by people in the know.

The sheer amount of 12 year olds labeling themselves as bisexual doesn’t help.

For the record, I do believe it exists, I just don’t agree with how often the label is tossed around by those that don’t know better.

@dverhey: Would you question a 12-year-old who labelled him/herself heterosexual or homosexual?

No. And I don’t question the 12 year olds that label themselves bisexual because it’s none of my business. I just think that it’s reputation as a “real thing” has been tarnished by some usage in certian social circles/situations.

Sorry if that makes no sense at all. I know what I mean, I just can’t seem to word it correctly.

@dverhey I know what your talking about. For some strange reason its considered trendy and cool for kids that age to say that.

@dverhey: I know what you mean. :) I wasn’t trying to be snarky, more like trying to use you as my unwilling victim to prove a point.

If a child calls him/herself bisexual, it’s always questioned it was when I was 15 and told my mom. When they say they are homosexual, it is sometimes questioned. When they say they are heterosexual, it is never questioned which is especially interesting since a great deal of the gay folks I know thought they were straight when they were that young.

I think it’s more that we assume children are asexual, so it’s a surprise no matter what preference they express.

If a 12 year old boy/young man came up to me and told me he loved fantasizing about women it would still raise my eyebrows to some extent. It’s not because of the preference expressed. I’d just want to know if he actually knew what he was talking about or if he’d just heard it somewhere.

To declare yourself to have a strong sexual preference you have to either have given it some thought or experienced enough to know what you’re drawn to. There’s a certain level of maturity someone has to have before they will be taken seriously.

I’m not saying a bias doesn’t exist, but I think when it comes to kids in the situation you’re describing, there’s a certain amount of doubt they have the maturity to understand fully.

I think it’s all about what a person finds personally distasteful (whether they admit this to themselves or not).

For example, I believe beyond a shadow of a doubt that bisexuality exists but find it very difficult to believe that there are folks who exist that truly enjoy the taste of cauliflower.

@Blondesjon: Guilty on both counts. I’ll even send you a video of me eating cauliflower. ;)

please don’t

I love cauliflower with cheese sauce.

@Adirondackwannabe: Talk dirty to me.

@KatawaGrey OK. We get you, me and a few others together and we try eating cauliflower and cheese sauce off of each others naked bodies and we see if it tastes better off of male or female bodies.

They’ve been exposed to people who used to identify as bi and then began to identify as gay and therefore they think the same applies to everyone else who says they’re bi, which it doesn’t.