How to deal psychologicaly with being lonely?

@poisonedantidote can I ask you for clarification, really not trying to nit pick.

Do you feel lonely, are you worried that you should feel lonely, or are you feeling despondent because you haven’t talked to this particular person?

@Imadethisupwithnoforethought I feel lonely. No disapointment, I knew in advance I’d be going solo today. I spent the night with friends, training in his gym, and felt lonely even when I was not alone. I have very little experience with being lonely, but I’m quite sure this is what it is.

Sounds to me like you’re doing pretty well. When I get lonely, it can be devastating. It can start to make me feel worthless. All kinds of crazy shit goes through my head. Sometimes, it’s gotten to the point where I convince myself she hates me and is going to leave me and the anxiety gets so great, it feels like my stomach is going to be eaten out by acid and my heart is about to flip out.

And she was just going to visit her mother or something. I think that when you fall in love you can be pretty irrational, especially if you are as susceptible to it as I am. It’s worse when you are uncertain about how she feels about you. Sometimes you feel a certain kind of distance or reserve from her, and that gets magnified when your routine is broken. You’re used to talking every day, and then suddenly that time you filled with something golden to you is gone.

It’s a like a little death. You actually go into mourning a little bit. And it’s a loss. A serious loss, even if it is only one day.

How do you deal with it? If only I knew. I think it helps to know she won’t be there in advance. This would be much worse if she suddenly wasn’t there, or if she told only one moment before you were expecting to talk to her.

Things that can help are mostly psychological. So if you totally believe she is into you and is never going anywhere, that really helps. Any doubts open the door to anxiety. It helps if she professes to love you quite often. But you need to believe it.

The other line of defense is to talk to yourself and tell yourself that your worries don’t make sense. She’ll be back. She loves you. There’s nothing to fear. Go read a book or watch some TV or play a game or call a friend. Just do stuff that keeps you busy. Anything that will distract you from thinking about how you’re not with her.

To me it sounds as if you are a little in love.

Thanks all, usually I’d respond, specially to @wundayatta as reading your post makes me suspect I understaded how lonely I feel at the moment, and yes, it is opening the door to irrational thought. However I can’t be bothered to respond properly at the moment.

I’m going to go to bed and see if I can make it tomorrow already, I’ll drop back in after I wake up or fail at sleeping. Have fun all.

EDIT: not worried about being dumped btw. That is not the irrational thoughts I mentioned.

Get a grip on yourself. Go back to the things that make you happy as a person. It sounds like you have invested all your thought and effort into this gal in your life and that can be a fatal mistake. Don’t forget about numero Uno! Just be yourself and enjoy!

I know the feeling, especially when you’re in love and the person you’re in love with is “not there.” It’s a very lonely feeling, but know that this feeling is only temporary and will pass. Things always change, especially feelings. You won’t be alone all the time. I would seek out something to do in the meantime, something that occupies you in a different way. I know that is difficult, because love is so all-encompassing, but try.

When we fall in love, we often find ourselves in a “mental love box”, and it’s sometimes hard to think outside this box, think clearly. But with time, you will find that things will clear up, and you will be able to think more rationally and these feelings of loneliness will look foreign to you. It’s like “Did I really feel that way back then? Wow, what a difference from yesterday to today.” You will still be very much in love with the same person, but the heavy feeling of loneliness and insecurity will dissipate and be replaced by a good, stable feeling. She loves you and you love her. Time is a trusted and true friend of love.

It hurts to be in love. That is what Gene Pitney used to sing about and scads of other love songs. One of the most surreal feelings has to be the sense that you no longer feel complete just being you, you need, you feel to be in the presence of the SO to ve truly at peace and feel like you. May the special oneness lead you both on to create something you both can return to as your sanctuary together. God wants this oneness as an enrichment you caon share and cause you to find Him right there in the middle of your love and also your individual hearts.

You need more than just two things to be involved with. The gym is fine. Talking to your girlfriend is fine. But you need more. Find some more activities to keep your mind busy. Look more deeply into subjects that interest you. It will make you a more interesting person and it will take up some of the loneliness slack. And good luck, sincerely.