What does it mean for me being a destructive person?

You sound pretty normal, actually. We are, after all, the fighting half of the species.

It does sound like Ma has a lot on her plate, but that’s her thing, not yours. It would be nice of you to help where you can. If you know that something that you’re doing sets her off, you might take steps to change your behavior.

I would recommend discipline regarding the knife thing – time and place are vitally important when your hobby could damage people and property. I enjoy mid-caliber target shooting, and the city would be very upset if I enjoyed it in my back yard. A friend of mine liked to throw knives, so he built a target and backstop out of scrap lumber and would use that to practice with. You might try the same.

You might consider a new outlet for your energy. Given that you don’t get along with sports, I’m going to recommend that you track down some boffer LARPers in your school, or something similar – you’re not the only guy in the world who likes to play with swords, and using dummy swords (typically foam duct-taped over a PVC-pipe frame) lets you safely practice with other people. Or sign up for shop class.
Your profile mentions tracheal issues. Does this rule out all high-energy activities, or just sustained ones?

You’re not the problem, the world around you is. And you are reacting to it in a way that makes you feel bad and destructive. There are many things in life we can’t control, and the bad talk your mother heaps on you is one of them, as well as her “boyfriend issues”, being scolded for things that seem illogical and unfounded, and many other external things. When the impact of these external things get internalized by you, you react with anger and depression, so it becomes a part of your self-destructive personality. But one of the secrets of living life smoothly is to be like “water”. Flow like water and course your way around the “external bad things” that come your way. Don’t let them affect you and block you into a damn. Play it easy so that you don’t get into the habit of internalizing these bad elements. Like a damn, you will eventually burst and destroy things. Live life like water. I don’t know if that makes any sense to you my friend, but it worked for me when I was growing up. I had a volatile, strict father, and sometimes I got into nasty arguments with him and that left me feeling really crappy. I know what you’re going through, but you’ll survive. I’ve been there, as have many other young people who are now adults. All things pass and all things change. The situation with my Dad got better, because I learned to not get “trapped” in his own mess by reacting to his faults, his blaming. I avoided most of his wrath by playing it cool and not reacting to his wiles. I know it’s very hard to do, but it helped a lot when I was growing up.

Vincent Lloyd – now listen to me, get your butt to an Alateen meeting or even better to an ACOA meeting. Pretty much everyone you meet at an ACOA meeting feels the same way you do, full of anger, resentment, etc. They will share how they deal with their feelings. They will not tell you how you should do it. They will share how they do it and you learn different methods of coping.

I am going to sound like your mother now, but how many times have I told you this, get to a meeting. Keep going to meetings until you find one that feels good to you, makes you feel at home the minute you walk in the door. I felt just like you for a long time and it screwed up my life, I screwed up my life because I didn’t know how to handle my emotions, I didn’t know what was good for me to feel and what was making me crazy.

Seriously kiddo, just give it a try. You are lucky in that you are learning early in your life. I muddled along until I was 40 before I got any help. You can start young and save a lot of time being messed up. Just do it dude!!!!!

I echo @rooeytoo‘s advice. Because you live at home right now, you pretty much have a free ride. However, the longer you head down this road, the harder it will get for you. This is because life as an adult is hard enough without destructive behavior. Behavior like this will make it hard to get or keep a job, a place to live, or decent friends. It will be much easier for you to get help now rather than wait until you are out on your own. We’re pulling for you, and you can do it! Hugs to you!

Hey, I don’t think there’s anything wrong with you, I would never imply that, but I’m going to have to disagree with the assertation above that “you’re not the problem, the world around you is” (although I think the rest of @MRSHINYSHOES advice was very good!). In almost every situation out there, there is a combination of both – life could be treating me a whole lot better, sure, but I could be reacting to situations better too. Your situation sounds no different.

Since the only thing we truly have control over is ourselves, you have to focus on your end of things – for most everything else you can only wish for a break. I hope your mom gives you a break because it sounds like she’s not treating you right, although I agree with posters above that it also sounds like she has a lot on her plate.

But the only thing you can really control is your reactions. And I’m going to be honest, it sounds like right now you’re not putting a lot of thought into them. The fact that you say you just do everything that comes to mind is not good. Especially because you have dangerous hobbies like knife throwing. You stated that as though you don’t have control over it, but you do. You don’t need to do something just because you can imagine it. You need to learn some self-control and judgement as to when the appropriate time is for certain actions. I agree with the suggestion above of building an appropriate setup that allows you to practice your hobby safely.

Your reactions give you more control than you’d think over your life. I think you’ll find that once you start having more appropriate reactions to things, everything will get better for you. You’ll feel better about yourself, and I bet your mom will appreciate the change too.

@Maria made an excellent point too. GA!

Whether the behavior is destructive to property, to others or to yourself it sounds more like you have issues with impulse control. I agree with Alateen, ACOA meetings, but I think some intense therapy is warranted if you really can’t control your own impulses. This is certainly exacerbated by your being male (testosterone) and 14 years old (your brain is still in development), but there is a point at which there IS something wrong and a therapist/psychiatrist is the best person to assess the extent to which your lack of impulse control could be a precursor of more dangerous behaviors in the future.

You are at an age where learning to control impulses is part of what is up next on your developmental plate if you will. Just like when you were a certain age, learning to walk was next up on the list. To decide to skip the step where you learn to control your impulses is not ok. Like with learning anything else, it will be challenging at first and will get easier with practice. If it doesn’t get easier after sincere practice and the passage of time, it could be indicative of a more serious underlying problem.

When you are getting ready to do something (anything really) ask yourself these two questions:

Is this going to make someone angry?
Is it ok to make this person angry by doing this?

If you know you are going to make someone angry (by messing up things throwing knives into them or something else), then stop yourself from doing it. If you can’t control your actions, you should try to get help so that you can control your actions. Saying “it’s just my personalitly and I can’t change it” is a cop out. You can learn to control your actions. If it’s anger related, it’s better to learn to do it now.

It sounds like you are in a pretty crappy situation, so I could definitely understand needing help to deal with everything that’s going on. Please reach out to someone you trust and get the help now, while you are young. It will just get harder and harder as you get older.

Well, It sounds like you might have more problems than just being destructive. Sounds like your mom is overwhelmed, and not handling things appropriately either.
What are the chances of you getting some counseling? There’s a lot of stuff to work through here, and getting advice from fluther could just make things worse. You really need an expert to help you sort through this crap. I really feel for you though. My son was a lot like you. It has taken years of counseling, but, he has managed to stay out of jail and get a pretty good job. (He’s 26.) Dealing with intense emotion and destructive urges is not for amateurs. Please seek out help for yourself. Your mom needs help too, but really, you can’t change her, you can only change the way you react to her. Focus on yourself.

Thank you all for the very good answers, just the issue is with my mom is that she over reacts to some of the smallest things, and the only reason I find the need not to tell her is since I’ll get the same reaction, her calling me ungrateful, an ass-hole, etc. but It’s all true since it always happened to my older sisters too, something small and she would just burst out. But also with the boyfriend issues…She always talks about him, random times, and honestly the relationship has more drama than compared to my dad and my mom (They’re divorced now as you all might know..) Or me and my girlfriend, it’s much more healthier communication wise and just in general…(that’s just me and my opinion) but overall the relationship goes on and off, like for example last week, they were fine. Now this week she’s been having arguments and disagreements and it’s just a lot of drama. But I can’t say she hasn’t or doesn’t have a lot that’s on her plate right now…But For the counseling and going to those meetings…how would I pull that off without anyone knowing (maybe except my sister Kelsey since she’s the only one that cares right now)

can you takl to someone at school? Isn’t there a coselor who could refer you to someone? Put you in touch with local resourses? What would your mom do if you just said. “You know, I’ve been listening to you and I think you are right. I am a bit screwed up. How do you feel about me getting some counseling?” You just might be surprised how much she would support you if you turned it arounds on her like that.

Vincent, why is it important that nobody knows you’re going to a counselor or meetings (honest question)?

Well just my mom at the most but since I don’t want anyone to worry or get on my case, but the thing I’m figuring out is that what’ll happen when, er if they do, or would find out.

At some point you have to just focus on getting healthy. Some people seem to feel threatened when someone close to them wants to get healthy. It becomes very confrontational to them, and they can end up resisting YOU getting healthy. Logical, in a very dysfunctional sort of way.

If this is how your mom chooses to deal with life, this won’t be pleasant for her, and she’ll likely be even more dramatic. However, that’s HER problem. Focus on getting your own mental health straightened out, and you- and hopefully she- will eventually be happier for it.

I don’t understand why you care if anyone finds out you are going to meetings but if you are, the whole idea of most 12 step meetings is anonymity. It is called AA which stands for Alcoholics Anonymous, and all the others follow. So no one you see at a meeting is likely to tell anyone else they saw you there. You would have to do that yourself.

As for your mom, if she knows you are going you may cop some abuse but it sounds as if you are copping it anyhow so you might as well get it for something that is going to help you and sometimes seeing you heal will give incentive to others to heal as well.

So I would say stop making excuses and do something to help yourself. Counseling unless done through your school cost money, 12 step programs are free. And they always serve terrible coffee and stale cookies for free too, what more could you want!