Why do most people claim that they hate going to weddings?

Most of the people I know love going to weddings. And say so.

LOL. Another aspect if: you gotta take a GIFT. And not a six pack beer, either some money or some stuff for the new house. You can go without anything but that’s just sad. What if you held your wedding and nobody brings anything? You gotta have something to gain here or else you just do a big party for all the others.

I think it mostly men who don’t like them. Especially if they are single men with girlfriends attending. There is the presumption of pressure sometimes. 51 % end in divorce and the men are more likely to be thinking that while sitting there during the ceremony. The women are all caught up in the moment and have sugar plums all bouncing around in their heads putting pressure on those tear ducts.

Funnily enough I spent most of today at the wedding of an old school friend and, whilst I am glad that I was there on her special day and she looked beautiful I found the majority of the day really boring. The photographs took more than three hours and in that time the guests just hang around the venue waiting. I’m not good at waiting.

I have no idea. I love trying new drinks that I wouldn’t try anywhere else because they’re free! The only time I’ve had filet mignon was at weddings, isn’t that sad…lol. Plus I have this bad ass 3-piece suit that I love wearing and a wedding is the perfect excuse.

The main reason that people say they don’t like weddings is simple.. if your not part of the main group of people, ie; the Bride and Groom or immediate family, there is going to be a lot of standing around waiting in little groups.

I love going to weddings. None of my friends say so (that they hate it) either. It can however have to do with whether or not one agrees with the institution of marriage or with the exclusion of queer people from said institution or with recognizing that many weddings are a farcical production.

@Simone_De_Beauvoir Definitely farcical, but that’s another reason why it’s fun to go, so you can check out all the fallaciousness.

Having been in a fraternity in college, I spent a good part of my 20s going to weddings; in one six week period in 1986 I went to 7, and was invited to one more that conflicted with another. The associated travel was how I used my vacation time. I loved it!

Also, women get incredibly romantic and loving at weddings; I met two of my former lovers at weddings.

For me it is because it is expensive and time consuming, and that is just showing up as a guest! Expensive speaks for itself in clothes that one might need to renew for the occasion, not to mention gift and travel. I also loathe the gift registries. I really am offended by the specific brand names of things people want.

And time consuming because of the looooooooong wait between the service and the reception while the happy couple get their photos taken.

Another factor is the thought we all have these days “Will this marriage last?” I heard that one of the largest problems recyle depots have is these tossed out wedding photo albums and large framed pictures. Sometimes of course the frame is removed but other times the whole thing goes right on down the conveyor.

Not to leave this topic on a negative note, may I also interject that our newspaper each Sunday features couples who have stood the test of time at anywhere from 25 years on up and it is one of my favorite parts of Sunday reader. I do believe in love and marriage but not the way it is done up like Shrek and Fiona heading off to visit Far Far Away.

It’s the church that spolis it for me. Sitting where you’re told on hard uncomfortable seats, shit music & dreadful lyrics, restrained atmosphere. It’s like being back at bloody school, can’t be doing with it.

#10: They don’t want old friends to see that they have aged, put on weight, etc.
# 9: Cash bars or alcohol-free receptions.
# 8: They received an invitation from their boss’s daughter/son whom they have never met.
# 7: They aren’t allowed to have one because they are gay/lesbian.
# 6: The amount of time involved to attend one. (Shopping, travel, getting a baby-sitter, etc.)
# 5: The unbudgeted cost involved to attend one and a present. (see above)
# 4: The responsibility involved in being a maid of honor or best man, not to mention time and cost.
# 3: They slept with/dated/were married to the bride or groom
# 2: They know that the marriage is a huge mistake.
# 1: Have you ever attended a Catholic wedding?

For the record, I don’t hate going to weddings, nor have I heard anyone state that they did. All of the above reasons have crossed my mind though.

The formality can be a bit of a strain and the feeling you are under observation throughout the proceedings. There is a conflict between acting out a role as a guest at the wedding and just being yourself and having a good time. People like to give the impression they are happiest when they can let their hair down, relax and be themselves though it is not always true. Some formality is also necessary in life.

It is usually the horrible banquet food for me. Otherwise, I like a good wedding.

“Free food and drinks”?? You do realize you’re supposed to at least try to cover the cost of you and your family, right? Attending a wedding is expensive. Sometimes very expensive because you have to travel there and stay in a hotel, etc. Then there is the gift/cash you have to give.

I also get quite depressed at weddings. The costs associated with these parties are absurd. The thought of all of that money going to some ridiculous party is just sad.

I’m also struck with how traditional most weddings are. There is often some little twist, but for the most part the ones I have been to feel exactly the same. “Ok, now it’s time for the ____”. I’ll be attending my first same-sex marriage next month, and I am unfairly looking for the couple to step up and make it a bit different.

Also, weddings are just not fun.

@tom_g I’ve never really been to a wedding i had to ‘Fly to’ or take a long road trip for, so I agree with you there. Otherwise gift/cash you have to give is not that much. We here have three huge functions and two, three small ones before that, it’s ridiculous! Complete waste of money, honestly. With such a long wedding, buying one gift seems like nothing.

All the food and drink is at the reception, not the wedding. Unless it is a close friend or family, weddings start to look all alike after a while.

@tom_g I still tip…lol.

They are boring as hell.

I love getting ready for weddings but then attending them…not a big fan.
Probably because you get bored and you have to meet random people who are surprisingly related to you in one way or another.

But if you attend a wedding with your friends that can really turn out to be an exciting night!!

Most weddings I’ve been to were for my youngish aunts and uncles; those were reeeeally fun. I think it depends on who is giving the wedding, and whether they let their parents invite “society/churchy people” or whether the couple takes charge and has a good time. In my experience. We Lutherans know how to have a good time.

Let’s see. If I know you well enough to agree to go to your wedding, then I’m dropping a minimum of $50 on a gift. Again, that’s the minimum. If it’s out of town then I get to add another $120 for a hotel plus gas. So I’m out 2 bills from the get-go.
Then there’s the wedding ceremony. It’s usually a several hour drive to get there followed immediately a church service. Oh boy, who doesn’t love sitting in a confined, wooden-pewed, stifling room with hundred’s of others singing hymns and listening to yet another version of Ave Maria and a reading of “The greatest of these is love”?
Then you get to make small-talk for a few hours with people you will never see again while the wedding party gets pictures / trashed.
Then comes the meal of either chicken cordon-bleu with wild rice, or a carving station with steamed veggies. Not bad, but I can’t stop thinking about the likely $40—$75/person paid for this mediocre plate of food. I think I speak for all that I would much rather be given $50 with a list of area restaurants and a time to return for the reception.
Then we get to watch the spectacle of the bride and groom cutting the cake and playfully smashing it in each others faces while everyone acts surprised at such a wild act.
Then there is another half-hour of small talk before the reception begins. If you’re lucky it will be full-open bar, but more than likely it will be open-tap. Meaning you get to pay for everything that isn’t MGD or Miller Light (replace with Bud/Light depending on area of country).
But no amount of booze will help once the DJ starts spinning the classics…
The Chicken Dance
The Electric Slide
The Macarena
Cotton-Eyed Joe
Unchained Melody
Love Shack
Shout
Mony Mony
Hot, Hot, Hot
YMCA
and finally “I Knew the Bride When She Used to Rock and Roll”.
If you’re really lucky, someone will get drunk enough to do something memorable.

I can’t remember hearing anybody say they hate going to weddings.

Births, weddings, and funerals are all major events and of significance to both the family and the community. I think it’s important to give them their due. I don’t rank them on an entertainment scale because that’s not what they’re about. They’re rituals of the culture. We don’t have very many of those left.

However, I’ve also not been asked to wait around for three hours while photographs were taken. I think that presumes too much upon the goodwill of the guests. To me that’s a case of misplaced priorities: making a record of an event when the main event is the making of the record.

@Jeruba: “I can’t remember hearing anybody say they hate going to weddings.”

Really? I always hear people complaining about how much they hate weddings (also: the dentist and meetings at work). Seriously. I hear so few positive comments about weddings, I am usually amazed that anyone still wants to have them.

@efritz, yes, us Lutherans like our beer.

I love going to weddings, but I can see that if someone was single and shy, that combo would be like entering hell. Because the single people tend to get seated at the singles table (usually a random bunch of drunk strangers), instead of getting to sit at a table where the single person might actually know someone. And if you are single, chances are a bunch of people are going to try to set you up with someone, whether you are interested or not and a few people will give you that oh so sorry for you look and ask you a bunch of embarrassing personal questions about why you are single.

If you are a shy person, you get all of the above, with a dose of different people trying to drag you out of your shell, by asking you all sorts of personal questions about a whole host of topics and then trying to force you to dance.

And if you are shy and a vegetarian that’s another bad unpleasant situation. If you go to a wedding and find out that there isn’t anything you can eat, you end up being the center of attention. Either people ask you why you aren’t eating and feel horribly bad for you and then you have to try to explain without offending anyone, or they make snide comments about you being ungrateful or someone will try to flag down a server and make a big production.

For the shy and single weddings can be hellacious.

Um, yes, @tom_g, I wasn’t lying. Maybe we know different people.

@Jeruba – I was just expressing surprise – not accusing you of lying. Honestly, I can think of one person I know who likes weddings. The rest are very vocal about their loathing for weddings. I was just surprised to hear that the hatred for weddings was not common in all circles.

Also, the question was: “Why do most people claim that they hate going to weddings?”

It really sucks if you don’t know anyone, and aren’t that great at making good friends with someone quickly. You might find a few people to have some small talk with, but it’s tense and dull and generally small-talkish. Then it’s more of an obligation than a party.

The big one for me is that I don’t believe in the institution of marriage, but weddings are so…. hopeful. They lie to you about how much hope you should realistically have. And then you get all “I’ll never have that much hope” (and hope can be like a freaking drug, as emotions go), and so you try to reconcile it with all the various reasons why you don’t believe in marriage, but the emotion won’t go away, so it becomes this whole cognitive dissonance thing, which is always painful.

I don’t like going to weddings because I don’t like getting dressed up, I don’t like large gatherings, and I usually don’t have the money for a gift.

@jonsblond Those are 3 things that I didn’t even think of, that I totally agree with!

I trip over my 2 inch heels (the only pair of heels I own) I loathe putting on eye makeup for multiple reasons. First it makes me look like someone else (not me) and it’s kind of humiliating to hear everyone tell you how great you look when you are wearing eye makeup, and point out that you look like a different person which is really a bummer, because the real me doesn’t look like that and I’d hope that I’d be liked/loved for who I really am And for the time being, I can barely afford to buy a 99 cent burrito at Taco Bell (but at least I know that doesn’t have any meat in it.) LOL

Plus, if I don’t go, I won’t have to run into this question, “So whatever happened to that cute guy you were going with back in ‘95? Are you still together?” No aunt Madge, it turns out that he was gay. Said with a pursed lip smile.

@Kardamom . don’t tehy use lard in those flour tortillas?

@Judi The tortills at Taco Bell are lard-free and so are the beans.

Here is the ingredients list for Taco Bell tortillas: Tortilla

Enriched Bleached Wheat Flour (Flour, Niacin, Reduced Iron, Thiamine, Mononitrate, Riboflavin, Folic Acid), Water, Ground Corn treated with Lime, Vegetable Oil (Cottonseed Oil, Citric Acid), Contains less than 2% of the following: Salt, Fumaric Acid, Calcium Propionate and Potassium Sorbate (use as Preservatives). CONTAINS: WHEAT Enriched Bleached Wheat Flour (Flour, Malted Barley Flour, Niacin, Reduced Iron, Thiamine, Mononitrate, Riboflavin, Folic Acid), Water, Ground Corn treated with Lime, Vegetable Oil (contains one or more of the following: Corn Oil, Soybean Oil) with TBHQ and Citric Acid (to preserve freshness), contains 2% or less of the following: Salt, Calcium Propionate and Potassium Sorbate (to preserve freshness), Furmaric Acid, Dough Conditioner. CONTAINS: WHEAT Enriched Bleached Wheat Flour (Flour, Niacin, Reduced Iron, Thiamine, Mononitrate, Riboflavin, Folic Acid), Water, Ground Corn treated with Lime, Vegetable Oil (contains Soybean Oil) contains 2% or less of the following: Salt, Calcium Propionate, Potassium Sorbate (to preserve freshness), Furmaric Acid. CONTAINS: WHEAT Enriched Bleached Wheat Flour (Flour, Niacin, Reduced Iron, Thiamine, Mononitrate, Riboflavin, Folic Acid), Water, Ground Corn treated with Lime, Vegetable Oil (Cottonseed Oil, Citric Acid), contains less than 2% of the following: Salt, Fumaric Acid, Calcium Propionate and Potassium Sorbate (use as Preservatives). CONTAINS: WHEAT *Will Contain One Of The Ingredient Statements Above, Depending Upon Regional Suppliers

You can see a complete list of ingredients in Taco Bell menu items here

@Kardamom , I think that’s just about as bad!!

@Judi I didn’t say that any fast food is good for you, but the fact that their tortillas and beans are vegetarian makes a huge difference to me and most other vegetarians.

@Kardamom ; I should have put in the ~, to show I was just being snarky. :-)

I don’t hate weddings, but they’re not usually thrilling either.

I am happy for the couple, because for them, this is a big occasion. Where I live, the gift is usually at least $150 per person, because that’s what people pay per plate, when giving a wedding. So for me and a man, it’s about $300 gift. I like to see people I don’t usually have a chance to see, although I can’t stand when people put on airs like all is well and then you hear that all is not well with them.

I don’t care to dress up, and I can’t stand typical wedding songs (Macarena, Alley Cat, etc.). However, they are what they are: a happy occasion and thankfully, one that does not arise too often.