What would you think of a guy who pays $23,000 for a new car, and only $150 for an engagement ring?

Someone needs a serious a$$ kicking.

He’s spend way too much on it, I think.
I’ve seen rings for $80…

I am thoroughly confused by this question.

Well, since I realize that a mineral doesn’t define love or marriage, I wouldn’t care. A quality car matters more than a huge diamond that does absolutely nothing.

@FutureMemory As am I, dear. As am I.

I think she’s suggesting that a person should pay much more for an engagement/wedding ring.

Oh, well if that’s the case, I wouldn’t give a shit.

Love isn’t measured by how big and expensive a ring is. I’d much rather cruise around town with a nice car than walk around with a heavy ring on my hand.

Geez, buy me a nice car and I won’t need a ring!

Maybe he is showing where his priorities are.

@FutureMemory, me too. What does one set of numbers have to do with the other, what guy are we talking about, and who’s Rick?

And 23k isn’t bad for a new car

Single

I’m extremely confused by this question…

What is confusing, guys lol? A person she probably knows paid for a new car, but didn’t spend a decent amount on rings. I don’t know who Rick is, but I’m assuming it’s her S/O, and he got a cheaper car, and spent more on the rings.

My husband didn’t pay a thing for my rings. ;)

I’d think he was pretty damn chintzy. First of all, if you’re going to bother with an engagement ring at all then put some thought, planning and magick into it.

Guy could’ve needed a needed a new car as an emergency and therefore had little left towards an engagement ring but in most cases men half ass these life changing to-do’s. My ex husband and I had a jewelry studio for near a decade and we saw lots and lots of cheap ass men.

It would give me some pause. I think spending a lot on a ring is ridiculous, but the variation in expenditures is pretty telling.

The question makes a lot more sense to me now that it’s been rewritten. Thank you.

If I were his fiancee, I would expect to have values and financial priorities very similar to his. I wouldn’t be marrying a man who didn’t view money very much as I do. So I hope I would agree with him, and in that case I wouldn’t care what anyone else thought of it.

I might, for instance, reason that the comparison is not between what he’d pay for a car and what he’d pay for me (since I am not for sale) but between something we’re both going to use and benefit from every day, compared with something that’s a token and a showpiece for me to wear but that actually has no use. I might even have said “Don’t spend very much on an engagement ring. I’m only going to wear it for a few months. In fact, I don’t really want one at all. The wedding ring is what matters to me.” (That last part is what I did say. I never had an engagement ring, never wanted one.)

If my values were in fact sharply different from his and I thought he ought to be spending a lot on jewelry for me, I probably would not be keeping the ring. In which case how he spends his money would no longer matter to me.

Sorry guys!!! Rick is my husband!! But, for the record, this is the first question of mine that’s ever been modded that I was able to bring back to life!

@Blackberry you say $23,000 isn’t bad for a new car…well, I guess that depends on your socio-economic level. The price is WAAAAAY outside of our budget…unless it was something that was really, really important to us. Which cars are not. We paid $13,000 for our 1 year old Buick, and I can think of a lot better things to do with that extra $10,000 than pouring it down the drain on a car!
To that end, if a person has $23,000 to spend on a car, you would think they’d have the income to spend a decent amount on a ring. A ring is a symbol, just like a car is for some people. If a person spends $23,000 so he can drive around in his status symbol, what does that say about his frame of mind that he only spends $150 on a ring, a symbol of his love for someone.

On the other hand, if all a person can dig up is $3000 for a car, and that person spends $150 on a ring, that tells you that he feels a ring is important. Not an afterthought.

@SpatzieLover I happen to know that my husband paid at least $650 for my rings…because I had to pay them off from that point on!

I didn’t pay for my rings either. They had been my mom’s…so my dad was glad when they were “put to good use”. Gotta love those Krauts!

I don’t get the (pricey) ring as symbol of his love for someone.
I mean, I get that the ring is a symbol, but not the fact that a ring should be high priced.
If my girlfriend spends time to find one, based on what she knows what kind of jewelry I appreciate, and it turns out that ring cost her $25 I would be really excited, more excited then when she goes to the rings shop the same day of the presentation because she hadn’t thought of it before or she was procrastinating on it, and spends $250 on one.
$23.000 on a car, in my book, is way to much, by the way.

@rebbel I’m saying that…how do I put this….it’s relative. If someone feels strongly enough about a car to spend $23,000 (which is way too much in my opinionm too) then spending $150 on an engagement ring just kind of suggests the ring is not as important to him as the car. The fact is, usually the more you spend on something, the nicer whatever it is tends to be (not always, but usually.) It’s relative. I’m NOT saying that the higher the price the greater the love. I’m saying, did he put as much thought into the ring as he did the car? Probably not.

Edit…I’m saying that we are willing to pay more for things that we value….

Ah, I get it now, @Dutchess_III .
If he did put more thought in buying the car than the ring, then I can feel your pain.
I didn’t want to try and label you with a I only want expensive stuff for gifts type of person, of course.
Although I stand by my thoughts concerning love symbols and their value, in general.

@Dutchess_III Well of course it’s a lot for a lot of people, but I was assuming they did it because they could afford it. But the ring thing is something I will never understand, because I’ll never fathom how that little ring can make or break feelings for the person you’re going to marry. It simply doesn’t matter and I see it as a problem that is supposedly does.

I was looking at the car as a tool. A means of utility. The two people can take comfort in knowing that they won’t have to spend an arm and a leg to constantly have the car repaired because it’s used and something needs to be replaced every few months that is hundreds of dollars each time.

With marriage being at an all-time low, I think some people just don’t see the point of spending the extra money when the ring doesn’t even do anything. With durable goods, sometimes you may need quality or quantity, and quality costs money.

I stand by your thoughts too, @rebbel .

I understand @Blackberry. I would always spend more on a car than a ring because the car has a purpose. The ring, though, is a symbol, but an important symbol. And although marriage may be at an all time low, when two people decide to get married, they don’t approach like they’ve decided to “go steady.” It’s an important move and it’s supposed to be for life.

Considering it’d be hard to find a new and dependable vehicle for cheaper than a “normally” priced ring, I’d say he’s smart not to base a large vehicle purchase on how much he spent on a ring.

I’d also say that he’s lucky to have a woman who isn’t materialistic, and realized the value of the relationship beyond how it’s defined by the gifts he gives her . . . unless I’m wrong about that.

@mrrich724 You lost me. I don’t know what a “normally” priced ring would be. We already determined that you pay more, much more, for cars because they are far more functional and necessary than a ring. Where I’m from, $650 is fair for a ring, and $6000 is fair for a good car.

And I don’t know how far being “materialistic” plays into it. An engagement ring is not a “gift.” It’s a promise. It has much more value than a mere “gift.” I’m thinking more along the lines of wondering what is really important to him. As I said, people tend to pay more for things that are important to them. He’ll go out and spend tens of thousands on a car just for the show of it (mostly show, because you can get a good car for much, much less) but be a chinz on the rings that symbolize a life together?

@Dutchess_III Is this someone you know? Is she okay with the amount of money he spent on the ring?

Nah…this was just a blurb on Judge Judy and that happened to come out. Had nothing to do with the case, really. It was more about the car, but she also wanted the $150 for the rings they bought.

@mrrich724 To put it in another perspective, what would your thoughts be if Donald Trump got engaged, and word got out that he’d paid $150 for the engagement rings?

If I was the kind of girl for whom the cheapness of the ring was a big concern, then I’d throw the ring in his face and tell him to jump in his new car and wank himself to death for all she cared.

If I was the kind of girl who really didn’t give a shit about external symbols, but trusted my guy and my relationship with him, then I’d take the ring, put it on my finger with a smile and a kiss, and then hop in the car and take that thing for a test drive. Not the man thing, silly, the car! Future hubby riding shotgun of course.

You can make a promise without giving a ring. . . if that’s really “all” it’s about.

In terms of the “normal” price of a ring depends on what you go by. Some say 10% of a man’s annual salary. . . others would go with other benchmarks. I don’t know what normal is, that’s why I put it in quotations, b/c normal is whatever anyone says it is for their own purchase. So no matter what anyone spends on anything (like a truck), if he felt like $150 was adequate for a ring, than to him it’s normal.

I have an F-150 and a Harley. I spent $1300 on my wife’s ring, simply because that was the cost of the ring that I liked and thought she would like. Should I have spent more because I have $40,000 worth of vehicles?

The Donald Trump example doesn’t put it in perspective for me at all. Why? B/C I don’t care what Donald Trump pays for a ring which is a promise between him and his wife, and it has nothing to do with me, regardless of how much money he has. What if Donald Trump had a ring from his great great grandma, and he gave that to his wife, and it only cost $150 b/c that was the fee to clean it up and box it?

The bottom line is, to me, there are NO other factors that should play into it except your preference, your wife’s preference, and of course the actual value of the ring (I don’t want to pay $4k for a ring that’s worth much less).

To me everything else is just a redundant rule that a marketing team invented to sell more diamonds.

I hear what you’re saying @mrrich724. And sure. If you give your fiancee an heirloom ring, well, a dollar value can’t be put on something like that. It would mean more to me than a store-bought ring.
But $150? I can’t imagine that it could be anything other than a fake diamond and gold plated! If you have the means to spend more for something of good quality, then I think that person is a cheapskate!

And I stand by my thought that an engagement ring transcends a mere “gift,” like a pair of earrings or a tennis bracelet or something.

@Dutchess_III: I’m with you on this last post.

There is no price to a heirloom piece and I don’t know many people who would balk at a quality hand me down.

People who like jewelry and opt for engagement/wedding rings are similar in that they see the item as not just another piece of jewelry or social status baubble. They see the exchange of rings as the one item they will each wear every day of their lives together and so they usually want to pick the very best quality they can afford along with putting enough thought and planning into it to know it will be received and regarded as a precious thing.

I’m telling you, the exchange of rings and whatever sentiment goes with them is a memory many couples look forward to looking back on, having a lovely story to tell. That goes for a plain band as well as an elaborate one.

Most couples are pretty upfront with each when sharing if they are into wedding jewelry or not. A person would have to be pretty clueless not to pay enough attention to know if their partner is wanting an engagement and/or wedding band set and also what kind.

I gotta go with @Blackberry here; $23k is not bad for a new car; the average price of a new car was $29,817 in May 2011! However, unless there was a hefty down payment, the monthly payments and insurance may not leave much room in the budget for things like rings.

BTW, $150 is more than my wife and I spent on both of our rings.

What I worry about are the women that base their man’s love for them on the value of the ring they are given.

@jerv: It’s not so much the women (men too) are basing the love intended on what’s given but here is the most common scenario:

Man spends several months researching for some electronic gizmo he’ll have maybe 5yrs and will spend about $1500.00 on. When it comes to a wedding ring, some men plead ignorance which is fine but they don’t put the same effort in research for an item their partner will wear everyday, for the rest of their married life.

@Neizvestnaya Rings haven’t evolved much since they first came out, so that’s not really comparable. If you beg to differ then try surfing the ‘net on ENIAC or driving a Benz Patent-Motorwagen. By the time you are ready to get married, you should already know all about what you think looks good, what your fiance/spouse likes, and how to find something that fits your budget. If a circular band of metal with a rock in it is something that still needs to be researched for several months, then there is something wrong.

Our wedding rings have survived for well over a decade, are still fully functional, and still symbolize our love for each other. That is more than can be said for electronics, cars, or many other things which tend to break, become obsolete, or otherwise fail to perform their intended function in a far shorter period of time.

Then again, my wife and I are similar in many ways, including that neither of us like to spend exorbitant sums on impractical things. We both agree that if a simple gold band can carry the same sentiment as a 2-carat rock in a 24K ring with platinum inlays then just take the hundreds of dollars you saved and do something more practical.

@jerv: As a female who’s helped other people pick out lots of engagement or wedding rings, I say this is a very common comparison and complaint.

@jerv If that’s all you could do when you guys got engaged, that’s one thing. But if you could have calmly afforded to buy a new car for $29,000 and so you do, but you get the cheapest ring set you could….that just tells you what’s really important to you.

I would NEVER pay $29,000 for a car. Never.

@Neizvestnaya I really appreciate your thoughts..it’s what I’ve been trying to say but you said it better. And yeah…the guy wants to spend mega bucks on a toy, a flat screen TV, but would never consider spending that amount on his wife…yeah. There is a problem, in my opinion.

@Dutchess_III I think the whole issue boils down to is how much importance you place on that ring. If you are of the opinion that the ring is one of life’s major decisions and should be researched and paid for accordingly then you think a lot differently than I do. Like many guys, I place more importance on choosing the right person to give such a ring to and being able to provide for them.

As a person who prefers older cars and hasn’t seen many on the market in the last few years that I would take even if they were given to me, I can understand not paying the going rate for a new car. What I don’t understand is how the price of a ring (the physical object) equates to love or priorities or anything like that.

You are telling me that the gift means more than the intent. You are also overlooking the real price of marriage. Guys generally like freedom, and if we are willing to give that up and tie ourselves down for someone then we are paying far more than dollars. Is that not proof enough that we are willing to sacrifice for you?

That said, there may be other issues in play here. See, most of the toys I have are things that benefit both my wife and I. We both use the nice PC and the 32” flatscreen TV we have for a monitor. My car gets both of us around and enables us to earn enough money to continue our lifestyle. Not as well as something newer, more reliable, and less maintenance-intensive would, but such is the price of not paying $29k. And the money that would go towards “toys” is fairly evenly split; I choose electronics and games, she chooses less expensive things but more of them so it balances out. However, not all relationships are like the one between my wife and I.

So let us forget about the ring for a moment. What is the FULL story here? Does the guy skimp in other ways? Is the car a big enough drain on his finances that he just can’t afford a $3,700 ring right now? Is he generally selfish in other ways, or is the car the only spendy thing he has? Do you even understand what a car really means to many guys? Is he taking the money he saved on the ring and using it to do other nice things? I know I’ve dropped quite a bit at fancy restaurants over the years. Basically, what is the deal? I won’t give the guy a complete pass, but I won’t condemn a guy for just being a guy either.

@jerv Thank you! But I really don’t think she’ll get it. She’s stuck on the ring, even though “the ring is only a symbol.”

I honestly wouldn’t compare the two at all. My husband and I both like nice vehicles and have spent a decent amount of money on the ones we have now. We both also put a lot of thought into which vehicle we get when we are looking for a new vehicle. I don’t know the exact amount that he paid for my engagement ring, but I have a rough idea of what he paid and I never once thought about what kind of vehicles he has bought compared to what ring he just put on my finger. I honestly didn’t care what he paid for it. I was just excited to see the ring that he picked out (on his own) for me. :)

@Seaofclouds : ) My husband picked out my rings all by himself too…and he did a marvelous job! We’d been looking for a couple of years, and at first he was looking at these big, gaudy (IMO) rings. I finally convinced him that I was more understated than that. Then, when he did finally present the ring, I was tremendously pleased at his choice. : ) They’re just beautiful.

I think @Jeruba and @wundayatta explained it best. Money is the number one cause of conflict between married couples and its important to marry someone who shares similar views on financial matters.

A ring is a representation of your partnership, a reminder of your vows to love, honor and cherish each other in good times as well as bad. However, it doesn’t have to be expensive to remind you of those commitments to each other. It just has to be meaningful to you and your partner, regardless if it’s an heirloom ring, a snazzy platinum wedding set or just a couple of simple gold bands. That’s what matters.

I know you said that this question was inspired by a case on Judge Judy. It sounded like the woman in question was asking for $150 dollars for the ring they bought. If that was the case, its a joint purchase and she could have requested a more extravagant ring (unless she was getting a reimbursement for half of the ring’s value). In either case, it sounds like the ring’s symbolism was lost on them anyway, regardless of cost.

@Raven_Rising The ring wasn’t an issue in the program. It just raised the thought in my head. Why would a guy go and pay $29,000 for a car for himself, and go so cheap on a ring that symbolizes the rest of their life together? If they’re young, just starting out and have very little money, it makes sense. But if someone has the means to spend as much for a new car as for a starter home, that person obviously appreciates the things money can buy. He’s not willing, obviously, to settle for a good used car in the $15,000 range. He wants new and fancy, even if it’s only for a few years before he trades it in. But that isn’t reflected in his choice of rings that are supposed to be for a lifetime. I just think it suggests a mindset of selfishness that would bode no good in a relationship.

@Dutchess_III: You just hit home what I’ve not been able to articulate.

@Neizvestnaya Thank you!

@Dutchess_III And I understand where you’re coming from. Granted, he should invest just as much time and effort choosing an ring representing a lifelong commitment as he does a new vehicle. However, even if one has the means to afford a flawless diamond in a platinum setting, that doesn’t necessarily mean that one should.

Certainly, this man could have chosen an inexpensive ring without any research or consideration for his future bride. He could have just as easily bought her an expensive ring that she didn’t want as well. After all, there is a lot of societal pressure on men to purchase a diamond engagement ring to “prove their love”. I’m fairly certain many men mindlessly buy diamond rings to fulfill that expectation, hoping and praying that their fiancee will approve. In either situation, she should have reconsidered his marriage proposal.

Then again, maybe she wanted something simple and he was trying to keep that in mind. Personally, I didn’t want or need an expensive ring. That money would be far more useful going to the local food pantry or animal shelter. That’s one of the reasons I married the man I did. He knows I prefer simple to spendy, day-lilies to roses and no desire to have a fancy piece of bling on my hand.

Starter home for $29,000? Thank you for starting my day off with a good laugh!

I have to concur with the societal pressure. Women are always told to be skinny, and guys are told to look wealthy.

@Raven_Rising I agree with everything you said. Just because you can afford something doesn’t mean you have to get it. We could afford a $23,000 car, but there is NO WAY we’ll pay that much! We’d go find the same car, just a year earlier, and pay $13,000. Which is the most I’ve ever paid for a car. I just found the discrepancy odd!

I don’t know where these mindsets are coming from, that you can’t buy a good car for less than $23,000. We bought an 05 Durango, perfect condition. It was a $40,000 car new, blue booked for $15,000. We got it for $5,600.

@jerv There are starter homes for $30,000 or less. Go to any listing and see. Here’s one that they’re asking $31,000 for, which means they’ll take less. Here’s one for $22,000. What’s your idea of a starter home?

I think ya’ll just have more money than you know what to do with!

If @jerv has more money than he knows what to do with, I’d like to know where he’s squirreling it away. Our cell phone bill is coming up :D

@jerv is my DH, which is actually how I found out about this question. He asked me for my take and suggested I chime in (given I’m the financial wizard of our relationship). Something he forgets occasionally is that housing costs are much more expensive on the coasts (where we live) than in the Midwest (where I’m guessing you are). I’m afraid you generally don’t see those kinds of prices on houses around here.

BTW- Tipping my hat to you on the deal you scored on your vehicle! I’m a huge bargain hunter and love hearing about people finding a good deal.

@Dutchess_III That varies considerably. Around here, I found this on a real estate blog. One of the comments reads, “The price of this home is $239K, which is a starter home price in our greater Seattle area. Starters usually list for between $225K and $350K.” I looked around a bit more and the best I could find was $100,000 and that was 75 miles away.
But that isn’t just here! Before @Raven_Rising and I moved to Seattle, we were looking at homes in NH. The lowest price we found was $60,000 for a 40-foot mobile home… but that was just for the trailer; it did not include a place to put it! Lot rent was an additional $400/month, no utilities included. So while you are used to cheap housing, my wife and I most definitely are not.

As for cars, I prefer cars cheap enough to buy outright, and easy to maintain and repair myself (something you won’t find in anything newer than a 1996, and rare after 1989). My current vehicle is an ‘85 Corolla that my bargain-hunting wife found for $300, and it’s been the best I’ve ever had. However, there are many people that like to have a full manufacturer’s warranty and a car that isn’t older than some of the mechanics in any given garage. Seriously, many mechanics cannot handle my car; they have never seen a carburetor! You can’t always get that with a used car; they generally come with a limited warranty or none at all.

That said, if I had the $75–100K to spend, I would rather have a Skyline R34 than a house, not least of which is because I wouldn’t have to borrow another $100K+.

I think we have already proven that different people have different view of money. For you, a single years income could get a starter house. For me and @Raven_Rising, it would take a few years of our combined incomes. Some people equate money with love while others care more about the sentiment. Some like comfortable cars that they won’t have to worry about repairing before they are ready to trade it while some prefer to save a little bit of money by eschewing comfort and paying for any needed repairs that a new car would have covered under warranty.

@Raven_Rising You is mah friend!
Yes @jerv….I have family in the Seattle area. I realize that the houses that I showed that were below $30K would go for $100K + in that area, and in New York and where ever. Thing is, the average salary is comparably higher. But, I do hope that you quit laughing because here, yest, $29,000 can get you a starter homre!

Also, we just flat don’t buy new cars. We wait until they’ve been “used” for a year and are still under warrenty and are about ½ the price of new. I agree. Different people have different views of money. Depends on where you live and what you can actually come up with….

My husband can fix your carburetor! With a freaking paper clip. He’s the only “real” mechanic I’ve ever known, and he’s the only guy I’ve ever known who doesn’t drive around with a tool box in his car. He can “make do” in a pinch with whatever shows up on the floor board if he has to. This has included cardboard, paper clips, pen parts, paper cups….he’ll get it running! I love your wife, BTW!! I’m going to take her to Mickey D’s for a McDouble and we’ll split an order of small fries. :)

If you come out this way, I’ll take you to Dick’s Drive In Its a local burger joint that not only gives their employees a living wage, benefits and college money, but makes decent burgers and fries for wicked cheap. Not quite as cheap as a McDouble but still an excellent value :)

@Dutchess_III The overall average, yes; we have Bill Gates and the rest of the Microsoft crew here, as well as a ton of lawyers, doctors, database administrators. Truth is that the increase in income for the average person is more than lost by the increase in cost. That is why I put that in terms of how many years worth of income it would take.

Also consider where I have lived in my life; the Northeast, San Diego, Seattle, and the cheapest of them Orlando. In NH, utilities and high property taxes make living indoors pricey whether you own your home or rent from someone who mas a mortgage to pay. Seattle has housing prices that are ~1–½ times the national average with everything else except utilities averaging 20% higher yet incomes are <10% higher than the national average. Crunch the numbers and you’ll see that most people really aren’t better off.

And to think that people look at me funny when I tell them that I have had to make exhaust repairs with hose clamps and beer cans…

Don’t forget duck tape, @jerv…lots and lots of duck tape…

Why do you think my sunroof doesn’t leak any more?

rofling!!!!! O the make-do stories we two couples could swap!

Lol…....“couples could swap” ;D

o brother!!

This is the internet, home of Rule 34. It was inevitable… and it was a Navy guy (other than me) who went there.

Rule 34? Why are we whispering?

@Blackberry facepalm Damn squids always were trouble :D

Rule 34 comes from the Rules of the Internet It is the most famous of those rules and essentially states that “if you can think of it, someone has already made a porn of it… no exceptions”.

As for the whispering, I have no idea…

Thank you Raven! It’s MY post so we don’t have to whisper when we get off topic!

HEY MODS!!!!!!!!! WE’RE OFF TOPIC!!!!

Someone has made porn out of….a car….and a ring. Well, yes. I can see that. But what if someone asks about, say, squids?? Or….rocks? Or fossils? I’m thinking of all kinds of things!

Squid porn… oh my…

My thoughts Jerv! But aren’t you getting off topic????!!!!

I think that the following verse from Sail by AWOLNation sums it up:

Maybe I’m a different breed
Maybe I’m not listening
So blame it on my A.D.D. baby

I simply blame in on my students. : )