Will planning a pregnancy with your husband stop him from cheating?

Uh… No.

Never, never, never create new life with a partner who’s unfaithful. It’s terrible for you and worse than terrible for the baby.

God no. Please don’t do that to yourself and especially don’t do that to the baby.

No. Many times, it only makes the cheating worse.

No! No way, no how, this is almost guaranteed to fail.

Is it your husband you are asking about or is he married to someone else?

Why would anybody want to have a baby with someone who is sleeping with someone else?! It’s like setting yourself up to be a single parent.

Most certainly not! The added stress and responsibility will only make things worse! What a disaster!

The only way to stop a cheater from cheating on you is to stop being the person who’s there for him to cheat on. In other words, remove him from your life.

After reading her profile, it leads me to think that she is talking about her married lover’s wife being pregnant. She is asking if he will stop seeing her and be faithful to his wife after the baby is born.

@all: Read the OP’s profile. It is very telling.

@lisa1471: Your behavior with a married man is reprehensible and will ultimately make you and him and his wife miserably unhappy, not to mention the baby.

@lisa1471 I’m sure your church would not condone such actions and it seems funny to me that you mention the wife only goes to church once a month. Maybe she isn’t into the hypocricy you are.

Thanks for the heads up on the OP’s story, @bkcunningham and @gailcalled.

So what we’ve all just told @lisa1471 is that even when this guy’s wife has a baby, he’ll still see her. He probably will. And we’ve also shown that if the wife were the one posing this question, we would advise her to drop this guy. I believe we would. Maybe this sounds pretty good to the OP, if she wants him.

So here’s what I would say to @lisa1471: if you hook this guy, you’ve got yourself a cheater of your own, and the wife is rid of him. Who’s the winner here, and who’s the loser?

@lisa1471: And why would this guy want you, also a blatant cheater? Although it does sound like the relationship from hell..perhaps you deserve each other.

Oh please be a decent human being.

First of all, why the heck would you do this? I’m sorry, but that’s just horrible behaviour. Not lady like at all. Second of all, A child should never be brought into a family situation like that. Divorce, splitting, abandonment, etc. are all bad for a child.

The fact that things like this go on in churches is repulsing. Since when did the church become the hip place to hook up? Talk about using God’s name in vain!

I really wish you had somene to talk to about the whole situation. Someone you can trust who knows you and wouldn’t be judgemental. I’m sure there are some underlying issues in your life that none of us are aware of, @lisa1471. It just sounds like all of this is going to end up being bad for everyone involved. I’m hoping that is not what you thought when all of this started. A relationship that starts out on deception and lies is already on rocky ground.

To re-cap:

Uh… N
No!
Never, never, never.
God no!
No way, no how.
Why?
Most certainly not.

Coloma: HELL NO!

A cheater is a cheater, and there is not changing that.

Wait. Has anyone said “NO” yet? Cuz that’s the answer.

Absolutely nothing will stop any attractive man from cheating. Vice versa for women. Good looking people get hit on and 99% consent. Only less attractive people can adhere to a relationship because they fear they can’t get anyone else. It’s a cold hard fact of life.

Uh, @Roby, you’re very wrong, by the way. Because someone is physically attractive it does not automatically follow that they cheat. Really, get a grip.

@lisa1471: Having read your profile and the other Q that was removed, I recommend that you walk away now. Can you be sure you’re the only “other woman”? If nothing else, you’re flirting with getting a nasty STD….

No. “Trapping” your man may only make him more eager to leave.

After reading your profile and getting “the rest of the story” I figure you have nothing to worry about. He will continue to meet you at church and cheat with you after every church breakfast or choir meeting. You two probably won’t get together for the first month after the baby is born as he will grow a conscience for a short while, but he’ll lose it quickly.

I’m sure you both can find a Bible quote that justifies your actions.

If he is cheating with you now, he will cheat on you after the baby is born.

You will be left alone with the baby.

What are you doing? Stop, think, and don’t bring an innocent baby into this hell.

@marinelife : I think she’s the one he’s cheating with, not his pregnant wife. Wade through her profile, it may clear things up (murkily) for you…

Why don’t you ask him? If you have been having a relationship for over a year why is all you are doing staring at each other?

Why aren’t you talking? Communicating?

Also, you are going to church to while having an affair with a married man whose wife is pregnant? A bit hypocritical, aren’t you?

No, no and a thousand times no. It would be more likely to drive him away, as he’s clearly; not 100% committed to the relationship in the first place. You’ll be left bringing up an unwanted baby on your own. Poor kid.

Huh? No.

This question kinda makes me lose hope in humanity.

Oh noes, it surely doesn’t, not even on daytime television.

One of the stupidest things in the world (that women do) is to plan to have a baby to attempt to keep a husband from cheating. Babies and monogamy have no relationship to each other. They are separate mutually exclusive ideas.

Cheaters cheat because they like to cheat and they can get away with it and/or they think there’s nothing wrong with cheating or that they are entitled to cheat.

People that cheat, also tend to cheat more than once.

If your husband has cheated on you and you are not OK with it, then you have to make some pretty serious decisions. You have to decide whether to stay with your husband and possibly get some intensive couples counseling (which in and of itself is no guarantee that your husband won’t cheat, but it gives each party a better persepective and understanding of what’s really going on in their marriage) or you need to decide to separate and eventually get a divorce if he doesn’t change his behavior. Having a baby should not even be a consideration for you if you know your husband is a cheater.

It would be terribly unfair (for the baby) and unfortunate (for the baby, yourself and your husband) for you to get pregnant on purpose if you know that your husband is a cheater.

Edit: Now that I have read what everybody else is saying about the OP being the one who is the other woman and not the wife, my advice is almost the same, but with a few additions.

It doesn’t make any difference how awful your “boyfriend’s” wife is. I’m sure he’s told you how impossible she is and what a shrew she is and what a terrible wife she is. Most of that is probaby a load of crap that he told you to make it easier to get into your pants. Clearly it worked, because you are now helping to create this ugly situation. YOU are a cheater! You are complicit in the cheating! Even if this dude’s wife is the worst person on earth (and I seriously doubt that she is or he would have divorced her by now or we would have read about it in the news) it doesn’t make any difference. This dude is still married. As long as he is still married, that means he’s off limits to you. And it doesn’t matter how many times you’ve slept with him already (or even if you claim that you didn’t know he was married) because you know now. Stop it at once! And the fact that you are all involved with a church makes the two of you huge hypocrites. You are a home wrecker and you should be ashamed of yourself. You should also question yourself, as to why you think it’s OK for a man to cheat on his wife, and why it’s OK for you to betray another woman. If you can honestly say that you have had a heart to heart talk with your “boyfriend’s” wife and she’s OK with being involved in a threesome, then by all means go for it.

As some of my fellow flutherfolk know, I am not into religion. But I still have to say a word about the churchgoing-hypocrite angle. Most churches that I know of take the view that “All have sinned and come short of the glory of God.” Going to church does not mean you’re a saint. Saints have no need of church. Church is for sinners. If you’re a believer and also a sinner, church is where you belong. You don’t stay away when you’ve done wrong; all the more reason to go. The hope is that you will see what you’re doing, repent, and find forgiveness. And the wisdom of the faithful is that it’s never too late.

(Not my thing, as I say, but that’s the idea anyway.)

So I would not call these two hypocrites just because they go to church. (Now, if they stand up and testify to how saved and born again they are, I’d call that pretty damned hypocritical.)

However, I would say they are very cynical to use church as a pretext and cover for their wrongdoing.

But this is nothing shocking. Churches are a human institution, and everything made by humans is susceptible to human error and corruption. They would hardly be the first to carry on reprehensibly in a sacred setting or to use the church as a shield for their illicit activities. Some of the most egregious offenders over the ages have been the popes and other anointed leaders of religious bodies, right on back into the Bible. These two are just common, ordinary, unremarkable garden-variety churchgoing sinners and nothing special at all.

@Jeruba I pretty much agree with everything that you said, but I still think they are hypocrites, because the OP and this man are going to church (and I’m guessing that they believe in the teachings of their church), but nowhere has she (or he that we know of) said that they realize that what they are doing is sinning or wrong and they haven’t asked their church or their God (whoever or whatever that might be) for forgiveness. Nor has the OP asked us for any solutions on how to cope with giving up her boyfriend.

It seems like she’s super happy to keep on having the affair with this guy, and she sees nothing wrong with continuing it. The only thing that is a fly in her ointment is that the guy’s wife might have a baby and then he might pay more attention to his wife (or actually leave the OP) if a baby does come.

It would be a lot easier to give the OP advice if she could tell us how she feels about infidelity in general, and infidelity with regards to her own church’s teachings, and infidelity within her own relationships (for example is she OK with infidelity, as long as she’s not the one being cheated on). I would like to know more about where she is coming from and why she thinks infidelity in her situation is OK, or if she’s having some problems figuring out how to fix things and do what is right for all parties, or whether she just doesn’t like inconvenience in her love life.

crickets

@all She hasn’t been back since asking this question. I think she went the way of @Janets. Just disappeared into the night.

I am very much here and for all those who think I’m with the married man it’s my friend who’s being cheated on.I want to tell her but I don’t want to tell her because he is a good man.Why leave a good man who cheats then to find another man who will possibly cheat who don’t really love you.It’s that saying rather be with the Devil I know then, the Devil I don’t know.This have nothing to do with anything else, just have a lot of drama around.My friend who is pregnant is pretty and can’t wait for them to have the baby so he can stop and this is why I asked the question.Somewhere someone got confused but I’m on the pregnant woman’s side not the one he’s sleeping with.

I’m gonna tell you right now he’s not going no where , they have to much together for them to let this get in the way but I just hate for her to go through this because it’s getting out of hand.Most men cheat so no I don’t want her not to be with him and be with someone else who may cheat.I asked because I wanna make sure she have a chance to keep him home so they can be a family.Someone said to see if he still gonna see who after the baby is born , no I want to know because the way he’s carrying on now just curious becaus

e why messed things up now and he just doing it because she’s pregnant and gained some weight.I thought the baby would make things better but not to sure.I’m still here fire away.

So, @lisa1471, this is very confusing. Doesn’t your profile describe a relationship you’re having with a married man whose wife is pregnant? Didn’t you write this about yourself?

We’ve been sexually active for over a yr now.Now why I’m getting close to him and just learned his wife is expecting.He still wants to sleep with me while she’s pregnant.

@lisa1471: What was that long profile about?

Either you’re truly a really bad writer or you have confused fact from fiction.

What are you talking about?

@lisa1471 Either way you and your “friend” still have it all wrong. First of all, all men do not cheat. Second, having a baby isn’t going to make him stop cheating. And third, your friend should love herself a little more and find herself a REAL man. I’m sorry, but if he’s been cheating on his wife for over a year, I wouldn’t consider him a good man.

I think @lisa1471 forgot that she wrote all of that on her profile.

No I didn’t forget what I wrote more than one person is going through something..It’s being done ant it need to stop.She just happened to be pregnant as well but her situation is different this man truly love her and we like him too that’s why we haven’t told yet.We know the baby gonna change things that’s why we are hesitating to tell.She don’t need that aggravation right now.She’s a very nice person.She just got over her morning sickness and sciatic nerve pain.

Let me get this straight. You’re committing adultery, your friend is committing adultery, there is at least one pregnant woman who is pretty, nice, exhibiting the normal signs of pregnancy (weight gain, nausea and back pain) and there are two cheating husbands.

(Please take a minute to edit; your writing as such is confusing, contradictory and muddled.)

Tune in tomorrow for another riveting chapter in the story of “All My Tentacles”.

Fallacies, I tell you!

Let’s see if I have this straight:
Your friend, who is pregnant, has a husband that is cheating, and everyone but her knows about it. No one wants to tell because this cheating husband is “nice” according to you, and you all hope that when the baby is born, he will stop cheating, so that is your other reason not to tell the woman her husband is cheating. Also, you think he truly loves her, even though he is cheating on her.

You, too, are cheating with a married man from the church you both attend and don’t want to stop because the sex is great. Is that it in a nutshell?

I wonder if the fact that you are a cheater colors how you see your friends cheating husband. You think he is nice and loves her. I doubt many of us on this forum would see it that way.
But to answer your question, now that I think I have all the players in line, no, I don’t think he will stop cheating after the baby is born and I think the woman should’ve found out before she chose to have a baby.

@chyna: Well-paraphrased if the OP is telling the truth (which she might not recognize if it fell out of the sky and knocked her silly).

OMG To be honest I totally agree with the comment about being in the nutshell , 2 stories but my girlfriend is weak and can’t handle the truth..

@lisa1471 If your friend is weak and can’t handle the truth, then she has much bigger problems than we even suspected. She’s an adult, she’s pregnant, her husband is cheating on her. She has to handle the truth.

Have you or she (or both of you, since you seem to be the same person) talked to your clergy person about all of this cheating? I can’t imagine that there is a church in the world that would condone any of this.

Don’t you consider yourselves to be hypocrites? And if not, what is your reasoning?

Can you help us to understand why you have written a story on your profile page that sounds exactly like this problem with your “friend.”? Why would you and so many of your church going friends think it’s OK to commit adultery?

And why would you think that your “friend’s” husband is a good man, if he is cheating on her. Cheating husbands are one of the definitions of a bad husband, or at least one of the symptoms.

Do any of you folks know, that there are plenty of un-married people that would be thrilled to be part of your Bob and Carol and Ted and Alice scenario that won’t be hurt and don’t have any children that could be hurt. Why not hook up with single, available people instead of being homewreckers?

And last, but not least, do any of you Flutherers recognize the OP? She or he was on here under a different name about 4 months ago talking about this same stuff. Same cheating scenario with a married man at church. Same lack of writing skills.

@Kardamom,

And last, but not least, do any of you Flutherers recognize the OP? She or he was on here under a different name about 4 months ago talking about this same stuff. Same cheating scenario with a married man at church. Same lack of writing skills.

No, I don’t, but I believe you. If I’d seen it, I’d have remembered it too. <sniff> That begins to give off an aroma.

Looking more closely, I don’t think these are the same person or the same story. But @Kardamom is right that we do see similar stories over time, and sometimes that can make us wonder if someone is playing games with us.

@lisa1471 No need to get upset. Your story just sounds a lot like the story that another person wrote about cheating and not feeling any remorse for the cheating, and having poor writing skills and having some of the important details change.

I guess we’re having a little trouble trying to sort out what is really happening. Some of us find it astonishing that you have a long “story” about yourself on your profile, but on this question, you are claiming that the situation is not about you, but your friend, but you didn’t bother to mention that until we all got confused. I think it’s really amazing that you and your friend are both involved in infidelity.

The other thing that worries me about your question (and your responses) is that you don’t seem to want to tell us how you actually feel about infidelity. Are you OK with infidelity? What are your church’s teachings about infidelity? Why do any of you continue to go to that church, while violating what is probably one of your church’s most important tenets?

Also, we are having a hard time figuring out some of what you are saying because of the writing standards. Forgive me if English is not your native language.

We want to help, but we can’t help you unless you help us to understand better.

You can tell me all you want that’s the reason for the story it’s wrong , it’s bad and gotten out of hand.This is about my friend right now I tried to kill 2birds but stones got confused.No I didn’t mention it because the story is separate so why would I mention that on here because it’s not about me..Sorry! Right now this is about her and we’re running out of time here.She need to know about this man but I want them to work things out but see I don’t want her to find out the hard way then she’s hurt.

@lisa1471 Your friend is going to be hurt no matter what. Just go over there and tell her. Or talk to her husband first, and tell him that you know he’s cheating and that he needs to tell her within 24 hours or else you will tell her yourself.

On the contrary. It will most likely make matters worse.

No. /facepalm