Care to share a funny story?

What the hell, some dude you met for real then tried to pass himself off as someone else? Jesus on a trike lmao. XD

I don’t got a funny story at the moment, but I just wanted to comment on yours lol, that’s priceless.

When my drunk ex husband was looking at a receipt in a chinese restaurant and exclaimed,
“Chung Du, Chung Du, we didn’t order anything called Chung Du!”

He was reading the “Chg. Due” part of the receipt!

Yes, I married beneath me and we’re divorced. LOL

I don’t think I have shared this story yet:

I have a terrible back. As an infant, I remember my too fat younger brother always trying to ride on my back like I was a horse. I had a paper route (which I now consider child abuse). I remember hiking with a backpack, and running over a dune without realizing there was nothing but an 8 foot drop on the other side. Anyway, I have a really bad back.

Sometimes my back is so sore, I cannot stand straight, or walk without help. Ben Gay ointment often helps. I slather a lot on, and I can usually walk in a little bit.

So, after 3 weeks or so of bad pain, I put on the ointment in the morning, excessivly. I walk into my crew room, and immediately the smell of the menthol fills the room.
The crew senior turns, and glares at me.
“Ben Gay?” he asks.
“No, I’ve been curious, but I’ve never been gay.”

Two peanuts walked into a bar. One was assaulted.

So this guy walks into a bar.

He’s all like, ow man, that hurt.

If you’ve seen the movie Insidious you’ll appreciate this story:

The other night, my suitemates Zach, Craig, and I were hanging out. Craig and I were boxing and wrestling (a common occurrence among my friends and I) and I chased him into the bathroom with a bottle of Febreeze. He shut the door and hid, and when he did, I ran into his bedroom and hid in his closet. I waited until he finally came out of the bathroom. I heard him ask Zach where I was.

“In our room, dude,” he said.
“But the lights are out! He’s gonna jump out and scare me!’ (Keep in mind that Craig is a 6’ 0” former lineman from our school football team.
“Our room is tiny, there’s only like three places he could be hiding. Quit being such a bitch, Craig.”

I hear Craig whimpering as he cautiously opened his bedroom door. I watched from behind his clothes as he peeked under his desk and bed. As he turned to the closet, I shoved my head out at him and started singing Tiny Tim’s Tiptoe Through the Tulips in my loudest, creepiest falsetto.

Craig squealed, and ran away, but he tripped and fell on the floor halfway out of his room in the hallway. I jumped out of the closet and began hissing demonically as I tiptoed toward him. I started singing the song again as I grabbed him by his ankles and dragged him back into his room.

Zach was sitting on the couch in the living room across the hall reading Adbusters, or something. All he saw was Craig screaming as he was dragged back into the darkness by an unseen force singing Tiptoe Through the Tulips as the door slammed shut.

To assist you in visualizing this story, here is a picture of us. (Me, Zach, and Craig, from left to right).

@Symbeline , haha, I know- I was just like really dude, damn.
the worst part is , that I met this guy in person – so I know what he looks like…..... ha.

@all thanks for the stories, good laughs to start the day :]

The other day my mom (91) innocently asked me, ‘Jan, what’s the difference between beer nuts and deer nuts?’ Gee, mom, I don’t know, I’ve never heard of deer nuts. She then tells me that ’beer nuts cost about $1.99 and deer nuts are under a buck.
Yes! I spewed my coffee.

Funniest story of my life, which I think I’ve shared on here before:

My little brother, about 2.5 at the time (just learned to talk), was watching Spongebob on TV, and it was really loud.

My dad walks in and goes, “Eric, turn that TV down, what are you, deaf?!”

My tiny little just-learned-to-talk brother simply looked at him, said, “If I were deaf, I wouldn’t be able to hear it anyway,” and turned back to the TV.

HAHAHAHHAHAHAHAHHA. I can’t get over that one.

My dad was so shocked he couldn’t even laugh.

Back in the 60’s, my Dad was reading the paper about marijuana use being up.
He was confused by a term, and asked my teenage sister “What’s a joint?”
My sister replied “About ten bucks.”

@Fiddle_Playing_Creole_Bastard LOL nice. I can totally picture that happening. I wish my friends were like that. XD
And yay for Insidious! :D

@Fiddle_Playing_Creole_Bastard

Great pic, hey, have you ever seen the video of the guy that puts a dead bird in his room mates box of cereal? Classic! Damn, can’t remeber the link.

Here’s one I told recently in an animal question.

I live on 5 acres and have lots of farm animal neigh-bors.

When I first moved to this house 5 years ago I would hear this extremely LOUD, god awful, horrible coughing and hacking coming from up the hill at my neighbors.

It went on for some days at different times and I would think ” Jeez, that guy is really sick, wow!”

Then, one day, I saw the source, it was their Llama ‘Hercules’.lololol

@AmWiser , i litterally laughed out loud at that.
@filmfann , thats hilarious- what’d your dad say?

He was angry for a minute, then laughed at the beauty of it.

hahaha <33