Would it be best to go to the party or just be 'busy'?
Asked by
mackyish (
50
)
September 4th, 2011
My best friends and I have gone to different highschools, and we’ve become different people.
When we were all in the same middle school, I was the butt of the joke, laughed at, but it was done so “affectionately”. Now going to this new school without them bringing me down all the time, I’ve felt like a better person, and I’ve been treated very differently.
While I still generally like my old friends, I always feel ugly, awkward, and stupid whenever I hang out with them. I’ve realized that hanging out with them has become me trying to impress them, make them see I can also be pretty, funny, and everything.
I hung out with them a final time and it was a big, happy sleepover. Except I ended up feeling depressed by the middle of it. I felt like they were secretly exchanging looks, and it might’ve been me being paranoid, but I couldn’t shake the feeling and I went home early.
One of their sweet 16 parties is coming up in about two months, should I start distancing myself so it’s not a surprise that I don’t go? Or do I suck it up for old time’s sake and convince my mother (Who definitely isn’t a fan of this crowd) to let me go?
(Again, I still like them for the most part, they are all very very beautiful and interesting people, they just have become more shallow and I don’t feel good around them anymore.)
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14 Answers
It’s almost impossible to get people to see you differently once they have an image of you fixed in their heads. If I were you, I’d be ready to move on. Let that “final time” be final.
Welcome to fluther. We think you’re gorgeous, smart, and funny.
After reading the body of your question, I am really stuck how this is a decision that has to be made! Don’t go! It doesn’t sound like you want to, and I don’t see any reason why you would!!!!!!
I think you have outgrown these “friends” and are happier without them. Be busy for the sweet 16 party.
Skip it. You do not need toxic relationships in your life. Nobody does.
Congratulations on moving on. We are proud of you for recognizing and doing something about it.
Don’t go… If they’re the way you make it sound, you don’t need to hang out with them anymore.
I’m impressed with your level of insight, and I have to say I agree with everyone else. Skip the party, and find something you’d really like to do instead. Welcome to Fluther!
If you don’t feel good around them, you may regret going. I think it’s time to embrace your new friends who appreciate you and don’t make you feel badly about yourself. Good for you to recognize this… now stick to it!! Good luck :)
Welcome to Fluther! Count me in the Skip the Party camp. You seem to have a pretty clear-eyed perspective on these folks and I am impressed that you are moving on.
Yeah! Welcome to Fluther!
Put two columns on a sheet of paper. Column A is pros, and B is cons.
Write up every pro and con you can think of and count them up and see who wins. I could give you a much more complex way of balancing pros and cons, but I think you’ll make this come out the way you want it to. Just try it and see what your mind is telling you.
Make yourself busy!! Don’t go sweetie!
Your mama might have a very good reason not to be nuts about that crowd… she might have seen something long before you did. Wise mama.
And I agree with everyone else- be conveniently busy. It’s never okay to be around people that put you down, even affectionately. I got rid of a group of friends who did that and it was the best thing I’ve ever done.
You got a new start at a different school. Keep going that direction and stay in that world never to let the old intersect. Your mom sees you are happier too. The two of you could go to a movie or something that night. Hard to have bad memories of that.
Decline the invitation. Don’t give an excuse. Just say, “No, I can’t make it.” If pressed for further explanation, just say, “I’m sorry. I have other plans.” Friends like these will always try to make you feel bad. Let them go.
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