How to handle obnoxious and unwanted financial questions (see details)

“How much is your apartment?” You: As much as I can afford.
“You must make the big bucks, you have a nice apt, buy me a drink.” You: All my money is in my apt., I can’t afford to take care of you and me both.

Just stick to your boundaries and a short reply that you can recycle over and over again. The ‘broken record’ routine

There is nothing wrong with being honest and simply saying ” I feel you are pressuring me to talk about my finances with you and I am not comfortable with that.”

Sometimes you have to be blunt and just tell it like it is.

Good test to find out who your real friends are.

People that step on your boundaries are not friends, they are self centered and only care about getting the dirt on your situation.

“Let’s talk about something else now, please. So, how about them Mets?”

I let go of a ‘friend’ about a year ago when I became very aware she seemed to enjoy, almost wished, to see me have a hardship. She knew I was concerned about my finances, suffering some major blows in this economy the last 2 years. I realized that she was asking me, fairly often, how much I had left in my savings.

I was really waking up to some of her issues with jealousy and envy and realized that whenever I shared happy, positive news, she would find a way to minimize of put me down.

It was subtle but obvious at the same time.

When I realized that she secretly would get off if I had a hardship it caused me to re-evaluate the relationship and I decided she had become toxic and it was time to let go.

I don’t quite understand why you are having this problem. Do you feel some obligation to tell them? It seems not, and yet you don’t seem comfortable telling someone, “it’s none of your business.” Or, “I’m not going to tell you so please stop asking.” And if they continue to ask, “You are being very rude. Please don’t talk to me again.”

I believe in addressing the issue directly. These people are annoying you, and they shouldn’t have any cause to have their feelings hurt if you tell them the truth. The truth is that you owe them nothing, and so you won’t give them anything. If they are continuing to be tedious about it, then ignore them.

As to feeling spoiled or judged—that’s on you. You feel what you choose to feel. Sounds to me like you aren’t comfortable with what you’re spending on the apartment after all. Sounds like you feel like you are showing off a bit.

You can’t have it both ways. Either tell the people to stop and ignore them if they dont’, or feel guilty about it and tell them what you spend and buy them drinks, if that’s what you think people do who are better off than others.

In my mind you don’t owe any of them a drink, unless you choose to. If they are going to think you are a skinflint if you don’t, then what kind of people are they? They are only interested in your money. Find a better quality friend. If you want these people to be friends, then buy their friendship if you like. To me it wouldn’t be worth it.

If they are coworkers, and it’s required to take them out, then get your boss to approve the entertainment expense for tax purposes. Otherwise tell them to fuck off. Nicely.

There are nosey people everywhere.

Sometimes, telling someone how much money you have or how much rent or mortgage you pay can cause unnecessary tension. I don’t know why this would even be an issue or why it has to be brought up. There are more pressing matters to worry about other than someone’s financial situation.

Or, next time they ask you, ask them how much they make and how much their rent is and how much money they have in their bank account. See how they respond. If they refuse to answer, then point out you have a right to do the same.

Put it back on the asker. When they ask you “how much is your rent?” or “how much do you make?” respond by saying “I’m not understanding why you want to know” or “I’m not understanding why it’s an important thing to discuss.” That puts it on them to explain themselves, and it also changes the topic and the focus off of you.

Turn it around and embarrass them, “Are you seriously asking me that,” with a disappointed, mildly embarrassed-for-them face.

Or, “Wow, I thought you were more tactful than that.”

Or simply, “Let’s just say I got a really good deal.”

There are plenty of ways.

If it’s someone I’m not very close to, I laugh, say “Wow, what a rude question!” in a light-hearted manner and change the subject. If they are offended by that, well, that’s kinda the point.

Some things having to do with money are private and not available as public knowledge. How much money you make a year, how much savings you have, whether your family is wealthy, these things aren’t “out there” for anyone to find.

Other things are advertised and the price is available for anyone to research. How much a TV costs, how much a new car is, or what it costs to ride the subway are all available for anyone who knows where to look.

People generally don’t get upset if you ask how much something from the second category is because by telling someone you’re just saving them from doing the research themselves. If they really want to know, they can find out, so the friendly thing to do is just pass along the information you have.

I’d say an apartment falls in the second category. Apartments are advertised, there’s generally a leasing office or management company they can stop by if they want to know more, and it’s really no secret what rents in the neighborhood range.

Maybe the cost of the apartment infers something you don’t want to share that should be private (from the first category) and that’s more what you’re upset about. You’ve worked to keep a low profile, and the apartment doesn’t fit with what you’ve told people about yourself, so they’re asking. (just a guess)

Or maybe they’re just asking because they’d be interested in living somewhere similar if they can afford it. The only way to find out is to ask what the cost is.

I’m sorry they’re not picking up on the fact that it makes you uncomfortable, and that part does seem rude. The question itself may be innocent enough though and maybe your best bet is to figure out what’s making you uncomfortable and address it directly from that angle.

“It’s excessive, but I love the place and spend a lot of time here so it’s worth it to me” is perfectly honest, open, and lets them know you’d rather not discuss it a lot more clearly than shutting down or walking away, which unfortunately may make you appear more spoiled than the fancy apartment.

Or, a small smile and “That’s my business” has always worked to end things clearly but not put a damper on things.

Edit: damn that @jillthetooth and her speedy fingers ;)

fuck it, not worth it.

Tell them that it isn’t something they need to know…..or counter with a question about their religion,political beliefs,sex life or weight. XD

You say that your friends and coworkers don’t make that much money. It sounds like they thought you were in a similar situation, and now are surprised to find out that’s not the case. Did something change in your financial position lately to cause this confusion?

Also, you say you don’t want to feel spoiled or judged, but you also don’t want to feel obligated to buy drinks or loan money. You are never obligated to do these things, but if you want to feel better about being in such a good financial situation, one way to do that might be to enjoy doing things like buying drinks for your friends as long as you’re in a position to do so.

I’m very bad at dealing with these tense social situations as well so I try to keep in mind what a co-worker once told me: these people feel no grief in making you feel uncomfortable and they continue to do so, so don’t feel guilty if you gotta be a bit rude to make them back off. They should know better. Just say you’d rather not discuss it and there will be an awkward moment or two between you two, then just flash them a beautiful smile and ask them how their daughter/cat/knee is?

I think people ask sometimes because they want to find a place that is as nice and hope you will tell them it cost less than they think. If I was you I would keep the apartment place number available and tell them you don’t know what the current rate is and they are welcome to call and find out, then tell them to give your name if they move in because you get a 50 discount for a month. For those just looking to be nosy, this will usually get them to change the subject and for those really looking for a new place, they will place the call and leave you alone once they know what they will be charged. They will usually feel to embarressed to tell you that it is way over their budget and won’t bring it up either. Some may even assume that you must be broke after paying that amount.

The thing is, these people aren’t asking because they want to move. The people who are asking are asking because they’re curious. One of them claimed to be doing research in the area but was guessing numbers that were completely out of range – further proving that he’s just being nosy.

It seems like I’ve been doing the right thing… I just hate the confrontation and discomfort. People are stupid.

Thanks guys!