Hypothetical: If a husband is going to cheat, is the wife better off ignorant and blissful or knowing and devastated?

Not knowing.

I find it slightly interesting that in all the “scenarios” the cheater is the husband when statistics point to a basically 50/50 split for cheaters

I don’t think I’d want to know. Ignorance is bliss.

I’d rather know. I prefer honesty.

With the STDs that can kill you now, (s)he is better off knowing. Not knowing now days can kill you.

@tranquilsea: ok, It can be the wife cheating, instead.

@WestRiverrat My mom was almost rendered sterile by my dad’s cheating ways and that was back in the 60’s…so it’s not just nowadays.

None of us can know, and venturing an opinion is the height of hubris. We simply can not know!

I’d rather know than be an ignorant pawn in someone else’s sick game. I’d rather be with an honest person from the jump anyhow. If you can’t be honest with your wife… you’re a bad husband. Here’s a great idea that I just came up with: Just Don’t Cheat at all!

Assuming there’s no disease: not knowing.

I wouldn’t want to know because the kids would probably find out and it would devastate them. Idealistically I would want to know.

Neither. Of all the affairs I have witnessed amongst my friends…I know I am not going out on a limb by saying that by that point the marriage has reached a point of numbness or dysfunction that the wife/husband would be anything but surprised if anyone brought the fact her husband (or wife) was fooling around to her/his attention.

If it’s a one or two time thing, it’s better that she is unaware of it. But if it continues, I think it’s better that she knows, even if it breaks her heart completely.

If it were my husband, (ha! pretty sure I’m not going to get married but anyway) he’d better keep his game on lock and better never let something slip, or he’d better come with it himself, because once I find out youre a liar-especially if somebody else “spills the beans” I’ve got no respect for you.

If he were to muster up the courage to tell me, I’d sure as shit be angry but I’d be glad he told me and maybe be able to smooth things over in a bit of a civil relationship. though the marriage would end…..

My mother ended up with an STD thanks to my father’s escapades (they were both in their 60s when this happened). I would want to know, so I can either leave or accept what I’m dealt with.

Oh for crying out loud!

Really?

Again?

IF you prefer to live like an Ameoba in a puddle, sure, ignorance is bliss.

IF you aspire to truly being an awakened and conscious being, no.

I give up, apparently the vast majority prefer living like a loaf of bread. lol

@Coloma , hahahaha <33
that made me laugh.
but honestly.
why would you want your life to be based on a lie?

@boxer3

Exactly, but many do. lol

@Coloma , at least we’re on the same page haha.

a bunch of coconuts. come on guys.

@Coloma and not even Wonder bread. Crappy Aldi store brand for $.78 bread. lol

@boxer3
@jonsblond

Yeah, sure, shelve me like a day old loaf..shit, my geese don;lt even go for stale brad. Good fucking lord…no wonder our world is in such a state of stupidity. Gah!

Haaaa!. seriously. I think i can go to sleep smiling knowing I’m not the only one.
sometimes I start to lose faith , but someone always uses their brian and gives me a slight glimmer of hope that respect should still be a bare minimum, and some people still believe in that. jeeze.

@boxer3

Yeah, we’re around, the last of the Mohicans. :-)

If it was a one time thing in the past and they felt guilty about it and never did it again. Then I wouldn’t want to know. What is in the past is in the past. I can see letting one transgression go by. Especially if they had proven over the years that they could be faithful.
One lie in the past cannot be the total sum of many years of marriage. People change and grow and along the way the relationship grows and changes. Sometimes it goes up and sometimes it goes down. So if my husband told me one lie in 30 years, I would still consider it a good marriage.

Now if its not in the far past and they continue to do it, then I would want to know. Even if they said they would never do it again but it was recent and more than once. In which case he better never be in the front of my car when I’m driving. :D

@Pandora

Agreed. A one time breach with a severe lesson learned is not the same as rationalizing multiple stupidity.

This is not “venturing an opinion”, it is exactly what I think. I would want to know. I would act accordingly.

She is better off blissful, surely but their marriage is an illusion. Nonetheless, many people have a sense something might be going on but don’t pry preferring the illusion to truth. I know many people like that.

@Coloma Exactly. One time says, I’m stupid and human. Several says, I’m just a whore and your an idiot for staying with me.

@Pandora hahaha, definitly.

If it was a one-time thing/fling that I would never find out about and I was not lied to behind it, I could live without knowing. If it was an one going thing with a lot of deceit, chicanery, and treachery I would certainly want to know. I would be very disappointed but I would feel hardly devastated. I would see it as I was spared wasting more time on “fool’s gold” when I could be looking for the real stuff.

I’d want to know, it really doesn’t matter whether it be a one time thing or a full blown affair. I want the truth.

Better off ignorant and blissful is one of two correct answers, imo. The second one is knowing and vengeful. Ask Lorena Bobbit.

If I was the wife, I would want to know. Not necessarily to leave the guy and ruin things for the kiddos, but at least I have a get out of jail free card if I want to pursue other things.

I want a real connection, real honesty, real trust, and real love.

I recently read a play by Harold Pinter about an affair called Betrayal, and I got the impression that an affair is never going to end well and, unless your spouse never knows, will end your marriage.

Honesty is the best policy.
Cheating isn’t always a deal breaker. Knowing that it is going on allows for communication and potentially improving the relationship, or mending what is broken. You can’t fix it if you don’t know that it is broken.
I would want to know, and have found in the past that knowing is best for me. Maybe that isn’t true for everyone, but it is best for me.

Out in the open with it. Better to know what is going on around you.

I’d definitately want to know. Someone is cheating on me, heck why would I want to be used by him like that. Being a loving wife, taking care of our house and his needs while he gets his kicks somewhere else. No effin’ way.

Also @jonsblond there’s Aldi in the States?? I had no idea!

Better to know & be empowered to act, than to be an ignorant “doormat” without any means of defence. I mean, it’s no good hiding from bad news if it’s not going to go away. Better to confront head on in order to move on. Finished with a nice little rhyme there, which is nice.

The point of my moderated response was that even a hypothetical question isn’t without a bit of stigma

I wonder if Anne Morrow Lindbergh would have wanted to know Charles had three other families he started in Europe. That oh, so dignified lady of words might have had a hard time with that one. However, apparently she herself had an affair, afterall Charles was gone to Europe lots (lol)! To directly answer your question, I struggle with this – as you so well stated jca: “is the wife better off not knowing he’s cheating and so “ignorance is bliss” and she goes on living her happy life (yes, it’s a sham life but to her it’s happy), and adoring him, or is she better off knowing he cheated, so she cannot ignore the fact, and they have a devastating divorce and their happy lifestyle is over?” I would have to say if the family is functioning fine, don’t disturb it. These things mess with a lot of lives, especially children’s lives.

I’m not a moderator, but I think we should chill out, bros :)

Agreed, I am well aware I have allowed my ego to get a little overwrought…over & out! :-)

Could you two take this to pm’s? You’ve totally derailed the thread and it is embarrassing to witness this.

@wundayatta

I appriciate the effort to find a common ground. Though the ground is rocky. lol
@chyna

Then don’t witness it. You have free choice to go elsewhere.
Embarrassment is your problem. However, I concur.

[mod says] There is no need to make this personal, folks. Let’s get back on track.

I don’t think ignorance is bliss. Why would someone want to be with somone, thinking they are happy, he’s happy, when all the time he is cheating? Obviously it is heartbreaking, but I wouldn’t want to be so naive. Also, the thought that people know we together and that he is cheating, would just tear me apart. I would want to know.