Situation: First date, man orders drink for woman before she gets there. This is?

Controlling.

Presumptuous at the least.

Arrogant; how can he possibly know what she feels like drinking?

Presumptuous.

Possibly a flag for:
Alcoholic
Manipulation

Also shows a lack of respect. Drinking is a very personal thing. If he knows prior that she loves red wine that is one thing. If he is assuming that she likes to drink it is a huge red flag.

Rude, rude, rude. What would he say if she showed up and said, “I don’t like whatever”?

@Dog You’re here! how are you? Can I scratch your belly?

Unless they know each other well, it’s all of the above. Otherwise, it’s thoughtful, if he knows she’d like him to do it, and orders what she’d like. Did this happen to you?

It depends on the guy’s personality. It could be controlling or it could be an attempt to be thoughtful.

Presumptuous

Presumptuous, yet perhaps a nice gesture at the same time. Maybe he’s not trying to be controlling, maybe he’s just trying to have a drink ready for her when she arrives, you know?

Dunno….maybe she has expressed to him her fondness for a particular beverage in prior conversation and then I would consider it thoughtful.

It would be a weird nice gesture, though. It would be like ordering her dinner for her before she arrived and without ever talking to her.

Are my answers coming up twice?

It has the potential to be many things. For instance, if the two met at a party and talked a bit before he asked her out, she might have told him what her favorite drink was or that she liked a man in control. In such a case, it would be thoughtful, however, if he just did it of his own accord, even with good intentions, it would be potentially presumptuous and controlling.

Creepy, controlling, possibly dangerous – that’s a great way to slip a woman a mickey.

If it’s a can of Seven Up with a straw in it, then it’s not only creepy, it’s downright weird :¬(

Not necessary lol. That’s a red flag in my book. Next date, he’ll request you wear a specific outfit.

Controlling.
Hello @dog! Welcome back!

On a first date? My question would be, “how many roofies are in it?”

Lol!

I think we need more details. Did this happen to you? If so, under what circumstances?

Hi Guys! It is good to be back!

Hey Dog! I hope you got your flea bath this time. I had to take my computer to the vet for a dip last time you were here.

Unless the woman actually knew the guy, before they went on a date (like he was a co-worker or just a friend) or unless the man and the woman had some kind of conversation about what drink the woman likes (like if they met at a party and they talked about her loving margaritas or something like that) then it’s totally weird.

If it was a blind date, or even if they had met, but really didn’t know each other, then it’s kind of inappropriate because the woman would have to wonder if he put something in her drink, or she would have to wonder if the dude is an alcoholic and why would he assumed she would even want a drink. It also does sound a little bit controlling, like a man back in the 50’s ordering the dinner for his date.

It’s just not a good start.

I give the guy the BOD. Busy women run late sometimes and she’s thoughtful enough to call and tell him she’s running late and to order up a ______________ and she’ll be there in 5. It could happen.

What if his first date didn’t show up then he could at least have her drink?! Very mean!!!!

At the least self centered and thoughtless, assuming.
At the worst a sign of controlling and arrogance.
At the ultimate worst, he’s already spiked your drink. 0–0

I remember a date years ago with a lawyer…OMG!
The guy TOLD me that the drink I wanted was ” immature”, and ordered me what he thought I “should” be drinking!
Then, he actually had the AUDACITY to instruct me that he thought I should go to the restroom and brush my hair!

1st and last, needless to say!

… a vehicle for GHB.

@dappled_leaves
What’s GHB?

@woodcutter Yeah…that’s why I asked the OP for more details. We just don’t know enough to really make a call.

GHB…Great Huge Boobs?

It did happen to me but it’s been an interesting topic of conversation amongst my friends. It was a first date (online) and we had spoken about how I prefer beer over a martini. But I had mentioned that I wasn’t an adventurous beer drinking and I should expand my horizons. I thought it was thoughtful of him – plus, the drink didn’t arrive until after I got there, so I wasn’t worried about being drugged.

But I was wondering this in a more general manner. I think it’s sweet of a guy to try to figure out what she likes before the date…. even if it’s a specific food, to order an appetizer if you’re meeting for drinks & some food.

But I was also a little confused. Will keep an eye to see if it’s a controlling behavior. It didn’t come off as being malicious.

…..This is?
Possibly a sign that he will prematurely ejaculate. ~

@SamIAm OK – that changes things. The fact that you had talked about your drink preferences makes me think it was kind of a cute, thoughtful thing to do rather than controlling.

Hey, I have been married for 27 years, and I know my wifes tastes pretty well, but I would never be so presumptuous to order for her. It really pisses her off.

Yeah! @filmfann… that’s why I think it’s such an interesting thing to think/talk about. I think it’s kind of telling about a person. I wonder what he was thinking

@Coloma It’s a date-rape drug.

@SamIAm I think in your particular situation, the guy was being nice. You and he talked about what kind of drinks you like, you talked about expanding your beer horizons, and the drink arrived after you got there. So in this particular case, I think it’s totally fine : )

So how did the rest of the date go? Do you think you’ll go on another date with him? Did he seem nice and normal otherwise?

Yeah, I agree @Kardamom. Yes! We had a good time. He asked me to get dinner before we left that night. We had agreed on next Saturday (we met last Wednesday) but pushed it up to tonight! He asked me to choose the restaurant. And yea, he seemed totally normal.

It’s always refreshing to go on a good date.

At best he’s trying to appear debonaire and thoughtful but for a first date, if doesn’t yet know what she prefers to drink (you don’t mention how well they know one another) then it looks arrogant.

@SamIAm So far, it sounds like a nice beginning : ) Keep us updated.

@Kardamom will do. Second dates are always pretty telling.

Well! That changes everything! It was a neat thing for him to do.

Cute.

It’s not wrong. For all we know, this guy could really be into different kinds of alcoholic drinks. It could’ve been a really nice and modern fruity drink for all we know. And that’s thoughtful. I think it’s taking charge of the money aspect of the date thats for sure, as in he’s obviously going to pay for it all. I don’t think they would have agreed to go to a bar or a place with hard drinks with out both parties liking drinks in the first place.

I think it is most likely a bad sign. But, I would give him a chance to show it is not indicative of a very controlling personality.

@JLeslie Wait..the OP posted the whole situation up there It was a first date (online) and we had spoken about how I prefer beer over a martini. But I had mentioned that I wasn’t an adventurous beer drinking and I should expand my horizons. I thought it was thoughtful of him – plus, the drink didn’t arrive until after I got there, so I wasn’t worried about being drugged. So it was all tied in with a discussion they’d had before hand.

Just curious…what kind of a drink did he order for you?

Interesting how, without full knowledge of the circumstances, we assumed various things. I assumed little or no pre-date conversation, and suspected something creepy.

Yup @zenvelo.

@Dutchess_III Yes, I saw that. Still, I would have found it more normal for her to arrive, and then when it came to ordering he could ask her if she wants to try one of the beers he had mentioned, and then she would give him permission to order for her. The drink arrived after she got there, but it was still ordered before. Or, did I misunderstand? I find it a little odd. But, as I said, I would give him a chance. I know my husband orders a diet coke 90% of the time, but I never order it for him without checking if that is what he wants that day at that time.

@zenvelo Actually, I stand by my original stance (at least for me and my dates). I don’t want other people choosing for me. There’s a restaurant I go to where I almost always order the same thing, but if the friend I went with ordered it for me without checking that it’s what I want today, it’d be a big deal. And if it’s not cool for preestablished friends to do that, it’s not ok for a first date to do that. To me, thoughtfulness isn’t about how well you know me, it’s about how much you respect me and let me make my own decisions. And on a first date, you don’t usually know that the bartender isn’t also your date’s friend who will put the mickey in for him.

@JLeslie But that was the topic of their conversation! I don’t find it odd at all.

@SamIAm What did he order and what did he say to you when it came?

Weird. He probably slipped something in her drink too, so he could make an untoward move on her.

@Dutchess_III I am not trying to convince you, just stating my opinion on how I see it. I can see how a guy might feel he sort of had “permission” to order with the previous conversation, but it would still be odd to me.

@Aethelflaed And I agree with you, if I did that for my girlfriend I’d expect a strong lecture about not being her parent or master. Once is a nice gesture but also a red flag.

@zenvelo Your girlfriend sounds awesome. I commend you on your fine taste in women.

I want to find out a few more bits of information, like what he ordered and what he said when it came or he told her about it. I mean, when @SamIAm told us most of the story it put everything in a whole new light.

It has to do with my personality I think. On a first date I am not looking to be adventurous, and I am very picky about food and drink. I will try most things, but rather not when I am already thinking I am being evaluated sort off. I don’t get big first date jitters or anything, but still, I want to eat food I don’t have to chase around a plate or worry will be messy to eat, and I don’t want to fake a, “wow, I love it,” about the drink you picked for me. I wouldn’t fake it anyway. I would say I don’t like it, and want something else.

When I sat down he said that he had ordered my drink… he got us both the same type of beer. I actually really liked it. And then when it came time for the 2nd drink, I asked what he thought and he passed me the menu. I kinda wanted him to choose another but he didn’t. I did end up ordering what he got though

Arrogant, rude and controlling. The only circumstance in which I would ever do that is if I’d been dating her for a long time, knew her well and knew that she always ordered the same drink,

So interesting!!!!

@SamIAm Ok, so he seemed willing to let you order the next time, maybe just wanted to surprise you. Maybe he likes that sort of surprise thing when he does it for others, and maybe when people do it to or for him. I go back to it being a personality thing, I don’t like surprises much.

Although, I am curious, have you wound up in relationships where the men are very controlling? I only ask, because maybe you need to be wary of your own pattern if it is a pattern. What feels comfortable to you and normal might be distructive. I am not assuming it of you, as I said maybe you just like the adventurousness of it all.

Maybe you two are the perfect match? He does small things like this to show he was listening, and you love it. No problem with that.

So it didn’t bother you @SamIAm? You were there. You could sense the spirit of his actions, so if you liked it then he did good! In your situation, and because of prior conversation, I think his actions were perfectly acceptable in that case.

Incredibly arrogant. It’d set the wrong tone for a first date as far as I’m concerned.

@JLeslie – I’m very aware of myself and others, and no, I haven’t dated controlling men. I actually would like for someone to take control a little… I’m too used to push overs. It’s nice to have someone take some initiative.

@Dutchess_III – No, not bothered. Caught my attention but not worried or bothered by it. I think it was perfectly thoughtful and acceptable but this was more of a general question. I didn’t ask to be answered in my particular situation (which is why I initially left details out! :))

@SamIAm I see. So I just caution you about being thrilled by the opposite extreme. Hopefully, he is not an extreme, just perfect in the middle. A lot of people when they are tired of dating a certain “type” go to the opposite extreme before going to a nice happy medium. Usually the transitional person. Goldilocks you know. Again, I am not assuming anything about you in particular. @Dutchess_III is right, you were there, you observed his attitude, and you were happy. What made you wonder enough to ask the question?

@JLeslie: I had a guy friend go on a date last night and he was there early. I told him to order a drink for the girl he was meeting (it was their first date as well, an online date). One of my girl friends was here and she agreed. So I was just curious as to what others think. I’ve been asking around… it’s completely dependent on the situation. And that’s great advice… I’m not looking for any sort of extremes… I’ve got enough drama in my life ::)

@SamIAm Did he do it? Order the drink?

It mainly depends on the person. If he knows her he can just order out for her before she gets there. You said first date but you never specified if these two know each other.
Bunch of variable are in play here. I’d rather not pick any of the given possibilities or complete with something else since the situation is rather vague.

normally, I’d say creepy-
but, I went on a little date to starbuck’s-
and the person I was meeting had remembered me
telling him I drank my coffee black, so he ordered both
of our drinks and mine was waiting when I arrived.
I thought it was actually kind of thoughtful

@boxer3 People get each other coffees all the time. Yeah, for some reason coffee is different I guess. Still, I would probably text the person and ask them if they want a coffee black before I ordered it. The OP is not talking about their regular drink though, but a new adventure in beverage possibilities.

@JLeslie , yeah I guess you’re right…
If the situation had been different and he’d
ordered me an alcoholic beverage,
I’d probably have thought it was kind of odd…
and hopefully he would be thirsty because I don’t drink ha.

So, no red flags. 2nd date went really well. No signs of controlling nature or anything like that… it was thoughtful and awesome of him. Just wanted to send along an update :)

Glad to hear it’s better. Keep up the good work ^^

@SamIAm Glad to know the dates went well… but honestly, do you feel happy your date got you a drink before asking you and you let them take all the leads??

I find it difficult to let guy does all decisions for me and I always take charge and I find men give more respect to women who know what they want.

@Londongirl – There’s a difference between talking “all the leads” and letting him be assertive sometimes. I like that he ordered it. As I mentioned, I’m not an adventurous drinking and appreciated the thought. Also, last night, he asked where I wanted to eat and when I told him that the place I wanted to go to doesn’t take reservations, he still somehow called and made reservations. If he wants to be fantastic and do those things, by all means… go right ahead! I was shocked when we didn’t have to wait in line to get into the restaurant. Kinda felt like a celebrity, being called out of the line to be seated.

The night went well and I definitely called a lot of the shots throughout the rest of the night. I think he got to see a great side of me choosing what I want while also being open to him making decisions. It felt like a great balance :) But I agree with you, I couldn’t let someone make all my decisions, I’ve got too strong of a personality for that

@SamIAm So glad it went so well ! :)

Yeah, me too I don’t like to let the guys take charge of my life, it is no good… I am quite assertive and do like to take charge sometimes unless I agree with his sayings.

The test will be when you want to call a shot and he does too. If he will insist it must be his way.

@SamIAm So tell us a little bit about this fellow. Or PM me : ) Sounds like you guys are off to a good start.

I really don’t get why people are so concerned with this. My BF of 1 year and I went on our first date to a seedy dive bar (because it was apparently cheap, as he had unfavourably mentioned) and I ended up splitting it halvesies in the end because I thought I’d never see him again.

@thesparrow Not the same thing.

Yeah, but you don’t want to hear about pretty much everything else that went wrong.

@thesparrow I’m kind of confused. What does your story have to do with a man ordering a drink for a woman before she gets there on a first date?

It’s supposed to show that little details like this are unimportant

@thesparrow I see your point. But, I don’t think it is about the detail, but rather a first date might not implicate an overall personality.

First date…Creepy. Not a chance that I would drink it….and I’m the type that would let the guy and the bartender know the reason I wasn’t drinking it.

900th date: Fine. Hopefully by then he’d know what I’d be having, and I ‘d know he wasn’t slipping something into my drink.

The thing is I have never had a guy ordered drinks for me before asking me… I prefer the guy asking me what I like first rather than make a decision for me…

I tend to agree the most with @Aethelflaed

ASKING is a show if respect and a lack of narcissism IMO.

I also agree that this goes for “friends” as well as dates.

I have an ex friend that was always pushing her agenda on me, and once when I was not hungry and asked her to simply order me a diet soda I came back to the table to a freaking giant plate of cheese stuffed bread sticks!

Grrr!

Um…what part of ” I am not hungry” did you not get?

She was always trying to sabbotage my diet, one of many red flags.

LOL Coloma.. that’s because she’s a woman. Women have a natural desire to feed men.

@thesparrow @Coloma is a woman. @Coloma is your friend Italian, by chance?

@thesparrow A natural desire to feed. LOL! And pray tell, which biologist informed you of this?

This is the longest first date I plan to observe. So I’m off, to @Cruiser‘s celebration; I will be driving his grass-covered VW bug (as soon as I water and mow it). A particular place to go

@thesparrow Haha…funny!
@SpatzieLover Nope, she was/is Heinz 57 nutcase lol
@Aethelflaed LOL…true of sharks. ;-D

@Coloma Ok, now I’m envisioning a blind date where you show up, and he’s a shark. And it’s like a Budwiser commercial that turns into Jaws.

@Aethelflaed

I’m no stranger to sharks, you have to know a dorsal fin when it surfaces. lol

It’s kind of ironic because my bf seems to like cooking for me, so I don’t know which biologist came up with it. I wrote it as kind of a joke.

I HATE it when people try to foist food on me. And then they get mad because you’re not hungry? I had one older relative hound me and hound me to EAT until I finally made myself a bologna sandwich just to shut her up.

@Dutchess_III LOL, I’m picturing you running through the house with with an old lady chasing you with a giant chub of bologna!

Naw…she was wheel chair bound! She just sat in the chair going “Get something to eat! Get something to eat!”
“Thank you, but I’m not hungry.”
“Go make a sandwich or something!” Then proceeded to list the contents of her fridge.
sigh. And after I ate the sandwich, she kept saying “Go make another! You didn’t eat enough!”

@Dutchess_III Now I’m picturing her in one of those motorized wheelchairs, going around and around and shouting (in the voice of Katherine Hepburn in her later years) and yelling at you, “Dutchess! Dutchess! There are deviled eggs and coldcuts and dill pickles in the fridge! You must eat them now or you will die!”

LOL!! Man! You got me giggling too! That was about the size of it too! ‘EAT EAT EAT!!!” Woman, I’m gonna take you up on a mountain and just LET GO!!!