To all the women who have ever had an abortion, how did it affect your life?

I’m not a woman but I’ve been involved with a couple. It made me feel inadequate, like she didn’t believe in me, that I couldn’t step it up. Especially since I couldn’t force her to have it. The struggle for me the second time around was that it was agreed that would shoulder the burden and become parents, then her mind flipped. Totally screwed up my mindset, thats for sure. We’ve since then broken up. First time we aborted I remember we had broke up later on in the relationship, and I confessed I wanted it. She was pissed off, and told me she should have told me that, it would’ve changed everything. It was bs since it happened the second time and she went back on her word. Then she told herself a white lie and said, “If we ever had a 3rd pregnancy could we keep it?” It’s so stressful for me because I was ready to become a father and step it up, then it’s wiped away then its like whoa.

Aw I’m sorry to hear that :/

@dreamwolf I too am sorry you’ve gone through that. I’ve often wondered about how the fathers feel about it.

It hasn’t really affected me at all. I was way too young to be a parent. Plus, my runty genes should die with me.

@dreamwolf I feel for you also, but it seems you were leaving things to chance. Maybe you should find someone you want a long term committed relationship with who wants to have a baby with you and plan it, rather than letting things just happen and having to decide what to do. I assume you were not using birth control? Or, not consistently. Sounds like you both had poor communication and some immaturity in that relationship. I think you should free yourself from your guilt if you can, and go on to have a great relationship with someone else and have babies. On to a healthier relationship where your children can learn from happy parents who communicate well. I don’t mean to sound harsh, or diminish the obvious feelings of loss you have, but to encourage you that you can learn from this relationship to have another, better one. We have all gone through learning processes like this, we learn from each relationship.

Do you regret it? Not as much as I regret the misfortune of becoming pregnant while assuming safety in birth control. If fails you know.

Is it something that is emotionaly painful for you? Yes. I never believed abortion would apply to me. I’ve always felt strongly women should be able to choose it even if I never wanted to do it for myself.

Do you think its impacted your life positively if negatively? Positively. Pregnancy was a tragedy abortion prevented becoming a catastrophe.

@JLeslie @tranquilsea @spittingamethyst Thanks for your concerns. @JLeslie
You’re right, the stigma has haunted me in a way the past years dating back to 08. I am currently in a new and strong relationship as well. I really had to hear it from someone else, to let go of my guilt. To be frank, my guy friends have heard me out, but you know, its hard to describe that guilt.

@dreamwolf “Especially since I couldn’t force her to have it. ” – there’s your problem.

@Simone_De_Beauvoir Well I had to respect her decision you know? I didn’t haggle her or anything, when its happening to you, its all so sudden and no matter how long you think about it, its always touchy. Especially with un established careers and being students in college.

You might find some relevant answers here.

I have 4 sisters. They all had an abortion at some point in their life. Two of them have serious regrets that haunt them 20+ years later, the other two are happy with their life now and have no regrets.

I’m a male so obviously I’m not the audience the OP was looking for. I dunno how I would react as a guy in that situation. A few times I thought I was in that situation but thankfully ended up not being. Though I’ve been with many girls, only one admitted to having an abortion prior to being with me. It did effect her I think to some degree. I remember when she told me how seriously she took it (she even became offended when I didn’t ask her more, I didn’t want to ask about a sore subject but she thought I just didn’t care). BUT, it wasn’t weighing (at least not visibly so) on her life. She was still going about her life and seemed pretty happy with it. I have few doubts she’ll some day go on to be a great mother, who will be far more financially and psychologically able to care for children. Just thankful I’ve never had to be part of that decision.

I had one when I was 18 years old, in a newish relationship. It was an agonizing choice, but definitely the right one for me. It did haunt me, for years, and most especially because that newish relationship turned out to be a 17 year marriage. Each time I was pregnant with what became our three (very wanted) children, I irrationally feared that something would go wrong because of the choice we’d made many years before.

However, having an abortion at 18 enabled me to have a life far different from my mother’s, who had me at 19. A much better life. A long, stable marriage. Enough time, money, energy and love to be a better mother to the three kids I had nearly 10 years later. The ability to choose my destiny. It also afforded my (eventual) children to have a much better
childhood than the one I had.

So, yes, it affected me in a negative way, but I’m completely certain that the positives still outweigh the negatives, in my situation.

I had one a few years ago. I don’t regret the reason why, but I sometimes regret not having it. He/she will be nearly 3, I sometimes wonder what it would look like. But this is only sometimes.

One day I called my doctor and set up an appointment to get on birth control. I got the appointment for a few weeks later. Then one night, my long time boyfriend and I had a problem…the condom broke. I ended up pregnant and ultimately had an abortion due to the very poor timing of this indecent. We were living together to help each other financially so we felt that having a baby was rather irresponsible. We didn’t feel having a baby was something you do when you are trying to better yourself first.
My boyfriend was against adoption because his mom had him when she was a teen and he ended up as a “lost child” being floated around the family throughout his childhood because his mom wasn’t reliable. As a result, he became emotionally scared with abandonment issues. He thought adoption was too precarious. I honored his life experience. Also, during that part of my life, I did not consider myself the most emotionally stable person and was working on resolving my past issues involving an emotionally abusive parent.
Ultimately, he left the decision to keep or abort or adopt up to me. I aborted. It was the most sane decision I could make given our personal history and mental and financial states. I have not regretted this decision because I based it on logic and not my emotions. I looked at who we were and what we believed in. It was a tough decision to make but I believe it was best for everyone involved. I was not going to raise my baby in poverty. I was not going to give my baby away. I was not going to add my baby to the population of unwanted children in adoption centers. You may think I’m selfish or commendable and that is up to you. Someday, I will make a great mom. My nieces even tell me that. It feels nice. I love them like they are mine.