@cockswain First I want to say that I do not think there is one right way. I happen to think it is fine to reward children monetarily for good grades. As students, in some ways, it is their job to focus on their studies. If she also has extra curricular activities and has little time for a formal job, it is reasonable it might not be prudent for her to have a steady job, but maybe she will want to baby sit or some other thing to earn some of her own money? I think most children want to work. In fact I would bet she comes to you asking if she can get a job within the next three years. But, I am getting off track with my thought process. I don’t think work should be punishment, and I kind of think there is an inkling of that in your strategy. But, I do see your logic also.
As far as tuition, I would want to pay for my child’s tuition, but there is no reason they cannot earn spending money. Or, it can be earn some of their tuition also, it is up to you of course. How about offering to match any money she earns throughout her high school years? The money you give her earmarked to put into her personal college fund not for tuition. If she earns $2000 you give her $2000 towards fun money for college. Just an idea. She can earn just during summers or baby sitting, whatever. You can continue it through her college years so she can take a trip with friends, that sort of thing. My parents were always willing to pay for everything, but I did choose to work, and I did use some of my money to pay for things because I wanted to. Money was never on a reward system for me growing up. I am not saying that is right or wrong, just how it was. I also was very good with money. Some children aren’t, that might affect how you go about things also. How much you need to control how much she gets at once. You can give me $1,000 in a lump sum, and I will tuck it away and spend it the same as if you gave me $10 a week.
I think it really depends on the child. If my kid was very academic, on his way to being a medical researcher, or some program that has intensive studies, very focused on his classwork, I would want to pay for everything. Everything. Hope he can intern, etc. A different child I might feel differently.
For me, junior high became very depressing, I was very lonely. My friends started to party, and what happened was I got a job, and the other teens there didn’t party. The young adults who worked there were focused and hard working. I no longer had the pressure of needing to fit in with my friends who had now become interested in drinking, and making out at parties. I was not even going to the parties, I was just home stuck with my parents. My new friends were a huge relief, and the job gave me a lot of confidence. Girls tend to have trouble with confidence and self esteem.
I don’t think I helped? My answers were a little all over the place. Maybe at least I gave you a little brainstorming.