How do you deal with self-centered relatives?
Asked by
suzanna28 (
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)
September 12th, 2011
My own brother…
He lives in another city…
He never answers any of my emails unless it is of benefit to him… Often he just ignores them until it is something he is interested in..
I find this to be really rude.
The questions I often ask him about are important topics okay not forwarded emails. They are often in relation to things he has promised to to do for me or just general questions about how he is doing.
When I ask him why he is like that .. he says he is not an email person. However he is the same when I talk to him by phone.
Also he promises to get back to me on things and he never does.. for not just months but years.
I find this to be really hurtful and rude. How can you be so busy that you don’t have time for your own family ?
However if he contacts me , he expects an answer right away.
How do people get to be like that.
By the way, he lives in Los Angeles. Is that the culture over there or something ?
Why is he like that?
It hurts even more because he is my brother and well I can’t give him up like say I could an ordinary person.
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7 Answers
My aunt and uncle have a relationship like that. My aunt calls him or e-mails him to ask him for help around the house or to see my grandmother more often, and my uncle kind of avoids her calls. To me, it looks like an endless cycle- she complains, which makes him avoid her, which makes her even more frustrated, etc. It’s like a rubber band. My aunt probably doesn’t realize that at this point, she needs to give my uncle a lot of space before he will come around on his own. I’m sure she thinks he’s a self-centered ass and he feels like she’s constantly harassing him.
You are not alone. I have a brother that lives just in the next county and I never hear from him or his family. It’s like we are not related. I will admit my brother has many physical problems, but a cellphone call is not difficult for him.
As much as I hate to say this, your situations may not ever improve.
I have just learned to live with it and let the county line be the dividing line.
You cannot control how other people behave. The sooner you learn this, the easier your life will become.
You are responsible for yourself and your actions. Your brother is responsible for himself and his actions.
He is living the life he wants to live now. His life may only have room for you occassionally.
can’t pick your relatives.
When we call my sister in law. She usually says, I have to go blah, blah. blah. She calls us often asking my husband to do things for her.
Saturday I told her my husband couldn’t speak with her and that he was busy with my son. He was and I am tried of her interruptions in our life.
One year she called while I was cooking Thanks Giving Dinner. Her Computer was down.
She is all about manipulation and using people.
You need to change the relationship. You need to respond differently if you want him to. I would not send him any chatty emails. he is not going to change.
By leaving yourself vulnerable to him, you are just getting hurt over and over again.
@suzanna28, I really get what you mean. I hoped for years that my brother and I would have an adult bond but it never materialized. Lots of obvious strikes against a brother and sister intrinsically staying close through the years. It takes a very unique set of siblings to accomplish this.
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