NSFW - What code name do you have for pleasuring yourself?
Asked by
choreplay (
6297
)
September 16th, 2011
So after I got shot down for morning sex and my wife suggesting I take a long shower, I obnoxiously began to recite all the code names I know for such an event. I was disappointed that I only came up with wakking the wooda (spelling who the hell knows), choking the chicken, spanking the monkey and a date with mary palm and her five friends. What are some others? Women, feel free to add yours to this post (I’m not aware of any for women).
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33 Answers
Female:
Flicking the bean
Polishing the pearl
Diddling the skittle
Clicking the mouse
Shucking the oyster (or clam)
Petting the cat
Cleaning the bean
Male:
Five knuckle shuffle
Beating the meat
Jerkin the gherkin
I personally just go with “masturbating” or “fingering myself”. If I’m not comfortable with someone enough to not use euphemisms, I’m not really comfortable talking about the entire subject with them.
Never needed a codename for that.
Code name? What like the KGB? Yuri Jerkov!
I lost it at “a date with mary palm and her five friends”.
Rubbing one out
Cleaning the pole
Knocking one out.. Get rid of some dirty water… Hand Jive… beat the meat..
This is what we say when we are in public and want to be at least somewhat ambiguous.
Playing
Having fun in the shower.
A longtime married couple with three kids decided to use the term doing the laundry as a signal to each other they wanted to have sex when the kids were with hearing distance. One day mom was taking care of one of the kids and dad asked if she wanted to do the laundry. Okay, when I’m finished here. Well it took a lot longer than she expected, so finally she gets headed up the stairs but meets dad headed down the stairs. I thought you wanted to do the laundry? It was just a small load so I did it by hand.
Relieve myself, Release the pressure valve, Jack off, and wack off. Lol.
Jerkin the gherkin
Choke Kojak
Hand to gland combat
Ham shank – Wank…...........
Flogging Molly.
Time with Mrs. Palmer.
Polishing the raised scepter of love.
These are some pretty immature male ones.
roughing up the suspect
liquidating inventory
doing the masonic secret self handshake
harnessing the underwear unicorn
Give the boys a work out…..
It knew this would be a fun thread, lol.
The sound of one hand clapping.
Oh dear. I hope no one’s getting the clap from the self service station.
This is going to sound lame. But my S/O and I refer it it as, “Thinking about you”
I’ve heard bop the bishop, wax the carrot, slap the salami, punch the clown…some of these seem really removed from what they mean. I’ve never used any of those outside of a joke, though. :P
Oh I forgot, shotting the pistol off.
Hitting the ham. Or just the usual generalizations, like “masturbating”.
Okay, he forgot to mention that the original offer was made at 5:30 a. m. with me going to substitute and needing to get three kids ready for school with no coffee in my system, not to mention the night before of him proudly, “ramming it to glory!” If he would have made the offer after the coffee the outcome could have been very different. Thank you to all for the new terms to be used rather than,” go take a long shower, I need more sleep”.
I have no imagination, I just fuck myself.
Or solitary finger discount, which is something I based off of this chick I knew long ago who shoplifted an ice cream sandwich. Don’t ask.
However, whenever I decide to go diddle the curtains, it’s not like I need to let anyone know about it, and nobody’s really around when I do. So I don’t have ’‘codes’’ lol.
Churning some crotch butter.
Mrs. Palmer made me think of a phrase I once heard in a movie or something – a date with Palm-ela Handerson.
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