Do you interpret strongly worded advice and critical analyses as orders and authoritarianism?

I think I did this in the business world a great deal when I was young. Let me know if I am close to what you mean.

Pointed questions or advice from those in positions of authority I would interpret more as a personal attack than as constructive discussion, or as them performing their job function. It happened more frequently when I assumed the person was powerful or did not like me to begin with, or on occasion I was under significant stress.

I think of it as almost a preemptive fight or flight response. When I was feeling defensive about a project but I had a belief it would work out, anything people asked me regarding that project seemed like an attack.

Not necessarily.I know what I think and why I think the way I do and can easily defend my position.
I am not too worried about it.

Actually, no, I don’t.

I rarely interpret strong contrary opinions as orders or hostility. It’s only when someone, for example, simply blurts “Wrong” in response to something I said, or otherwise comes across as confrontational, that I tend to become defensive in my subsequent replies.

Now, when I disagree with someone, I try (with various degrees of success) to be diplomatic and tactful in using phrases like, “I think…” or “It’s my opinion that…” rather than just saying (or implying), “You’re wrong, I’m right, end of discussion.” Especially if it’s a controversial topic.

Also, I’m not picking out any one particular jelly here (as it may seem to be to such particular jelly), as there are several people here who this happens with more often than others.

Nor am I suggesting that anyone here change their personality or “style.” Many of us are colorful characters here who make Fluther the fascinating place that it is.

I’m just saying that when people come across as confrontational to me (whether they intend to or not, or that’s just how their personality tends to come across), I tend to get defensive in reply. That’s all :-)

Nope.

My car is not stupid and you can’t take it away.

@Imadethisupwithnoforethought Hmmm, that’s at least something similar. But of course, that was in a situation where some of those people actually were in a position of giving orders, so I don’t know.

@lucillelucillelucille Care to elaborate?

@HungryGuy I get that defensiveness. But is it in response to feeling that someone is ordering your around/telling you how to live, or just due to harsh or rude argument?

So very often (I’m thinking of PETA here) they really are demands and orders, and it makes us twitchy.

I read a hypothesis recently to the effect that humans developed reasoning not, as commonly presumed, to get a leg up in the struggle for survival, but primarily as a means for winning arguments. I don’t have a feeling one way or the other on the validity of this idea, but it is undeniably true that some people positively delight in cornering others with well-laid arguments. They treat discussions like chess matches, and it’s all about getting to that “checkmate”.

There’s a place for that in civil discourse, but people often hold views that are rooted in emotion, not in reason. They may have some semblance of a rational framework to support those views, but ultimately they’re really feelings. We tend to discount feelings and prioritize reason, but feelings are still very important to humans (reason is a relative newcomer to the human psyche).

When someone skilled in logical argument dismantles piece by piece the supporting arguments that seemed to justify another’s feelings, that feels an awful lot like bullying. The person sees their feeling exposed as just a feeling, in all its vulnerability. Yet it’s still very important to them. It’s a very confusing position to be in. No one wants to think of themselves as being irrational. It’s like having someone methodically stripping away your clothing. so he can laugh at your underwear.

@Nullo Yea, I was just thinking about that when I was outside. There’s always some case in which someone really is being demanding and authoritarian. Definitely does put people on edge.

@thorninmud I don’t think that answered my question. I’m not asking about people having strong reactions to counterarguments, related though that is. I’m asking about the (mis)interpretation of those arguments as orders, demands, and edicts when they are none of those things.

@incendiary_dan—Do I have to? ;)

@incendiary_dan

Really trying to get at this with you, please don’t get annoyed if I ask a clarifyer:

Could it be, as @thorninmud says, someone feels this negative emotional tension, in the feeling/emotive part of their brain, and to relieve this tension, the higher reasoning part of their brain misinterprets the original stimulus as an order or a command?

The negative tension inside the person, which the higher part is desperate to relieve, gets externalized and projected as an order?

@lucillelucillelucille Yes damnit! That’s an order!~

Nah, I just thought there might be more you could say about it.

@Imadethisupwithnoforethought I think I get the connection now. Gotta ponder that one.

@incendiary_dan That’s hot! XD
I didn’t think I really needed to add much except to say confidence in one’s self goes a long way.

@incendiary_dan – Sometimes it’s one, sometimes it’s the other, and sometimes it’s a little of both. It’s hard to explain without giving examples, and I hesitate to give examples because I don’t want to re-open old flame-wars (and I’m sure the mods are all watching this Q very closely).

@incendiary_dan People need to feel that they have come to their conclusions by themselves, not by having them forced upon them, even if that force is someone else’s impeccable reasoning. A truly skilled rhetorician realizes this and will gently lead people in such a way that they feel they’re convincing themselves.