What to do about strange creepy admirer?

You need to take this guy seriously as do your parents. Your father should tell this guy that his attentions are unwelcome, and he is to leave your sister alone: not write to her, not talk to you, stay away from the shop.

If he does not, you need to get a restraining order.

Your sister should take the letter and the card to the police and get on record that this guy is stalking her.

That is scary and I can relate.
I have told friends about it and avoid the person anyway I can.If things escalate,you will need to go to the police.
You need to tell your parents about this person.

What is a restraining order going to do? If the guy is psycho he can just come any time he wants…what if this angers him? What if he does something crazy and comes with a weapon (who knows how psycho he is) then it’d be too late to tell the police!

Is this considered stalking even though he is not following her or watching her??

I don’t know what to say. But in time you guys won’t notice him or see him as not being a threat [I don’t think he is since he didn’t do anything yet].

yet… =\ I should just have a taser just in case…

@chelle21689 A restraining order keeps him a certain distance from your shop and home. If violated, he can be arrested.

How do you know that he is not working up to violence anyway? Don’t think you can appease a crazy person.

Unwanted contact constitutes stalking. Also, how do you know that he is not following or watching your sister?

You need to get your parents involved in this too.

I don’t know whether he is stalking her or you. You are the one who is scared and you are the one who has to deal with him. The first thing to do is to get your parents involved…Now

You should not be friendly to this guy. You should not listen to his endless chatter. You should not dare accept another letter from him. You should be a real cold unfriendly bitch to him in the attitude you display. He is not a customer you are hoping to keep.

You should also not allow your parents to take this lightly or to “just see what happens”.

My parents do know. We kept the video of him and the letters….I’m just afraid to anger him and for him to come here to do something crazy. We’ll see…I’ll show my sister the letter because I don’t think she knows how crazy and serious this seems.

If someone is arrested for violating a restraining order, how long will they be in jail?

Since you already got several directions to inform your parents, go to the police and opt for a restraining order in short, he could be dangerous, I want to chime in and say that he may sound a bit wacky, but what strikes me most is that he seems to be a romantic be it a bit over the top guy.
One that “has one of those eerily super nice yet scary expression, voice, and manners.”
Don’t know if the emphasis is on super nice or on scary though.
What I want to say I guess, is that he ‘threatens’ with love rather than with violence.
Maybe your sis, together with your parents, could tell him that there is no chance of a romance between them.
Keep in mind the reasoning of stalkers they welcome all attention as positive attention, even rejections though (although I couldn’t say that he is one).

@chelle21689 Here’s all sorts of information about how restraining orders work.

There are some retail clerks who can look right through you, never hear a word you say, or who are on the phone with friends while they ring you up. Become like this to him. If you are on the phone with a friend, he is not going to be talking to you and you are not going to be giving him the attention he craves.

I very much agree with @rebbel . This guy “threatens with love” and he is stalking.

Thanks marine life….it says that it’s really just a piece of paper…That’s encouraging lol. I wish they’d mention how long they’d be in jail. Honestly there’s not much if they’re allowed to go out and just lash out.

Your parents can go to the police, give the layout of events and the police will have a good feeling if this is a threat or not. If they have suspicions, they might be able to check his name for any past weirdness, I dunno but it’s worth a visit. It would be a shame if this man did harm someone, anyone and your information could have helped prevent it.

Ah! if I were you I’ll let him to do whatever he wish as long as he isn’t doing anything I considered as crime. I’ll ask more about this guy if he comes again and see if he’s really that good-looking, rich, mentally-stable, and suitable for my sister. If he’s a regular costumer there would be extra points for him (I can also ask for a tip).

I’ll play as the matchmaker if I don’t like my sister’s boyfriend. I’ll tell her about this guy and try convince her to give this poor guy a chance (again, if he’s really a rich and good man).

If everything didn’t work out then I’ll be blunt and tell him that he has no chance to court my sister since she already got a bf, or has incompatible personalities. It’s natural for one to fell in love, and it’s not our business to ruin this most fragile desire.

So, the guy is weird, but has never even hinted at violence. You haven’t told him your sister isn’t interested, asked him not to come by your shop, or even that he’s making you uncomfortable.

Shouldn’t step 1 be to start being honest with him instead of calling the police on him. He’s socially inept, and maybe has some other issues, there’s no reason to treat him like a criminal. He hasn’t done anything wrong.

If you’re not comfortable talking to him then by all means involve your parents, explain the situation, and have them talk to him, but the first step is to let him know his behavior isn’t acceptable, if he persists, then go from there.

Be careful, but there’s no reason at this point to be fearful.

@funkdaddy Perhaps you have never encountered people like this character. He has already crossed social boundaries, which is very different from being socially inept. The OP is fearful of him. That is reason enough to stop acting like his messenger girl, to start distancing herself, and to involve her parents.

@Your_Majesty Pay attention to the OP. That advice is “clueless”

I think the reason to be fearful is instinct. You should always trust your gut reaction when it comes to situations like this. You have received great advice above, and I wholeheartedly agree that you need to be downright unfriendly and cold toward him from now on.
I have been in almost you exact position, except there was no ‘sister’ in my scenario. I was afraid to stop being nice to the guy, but honestly as soon as I did it he slowly started to fade away. And if he reacts in the opposite manner, you have the option of involving the authorities.
It will be okay. But do not sit back and do nothing, because living in fear of the man isn’t good for you.

Just tell the bloke your sister is bi sexual and right now has a g/f.

The fact that he is giving her an Easter card when it’s not Easter is a real red flag to me. It says that he is somehow disconnected from reality and that means he is probably dealing with some sort of mental illness. It’s so unpredictable as far as what he might do or how dangerous he might be. Therefore I would err on the side of caution. Marinelife is right. You need to be very clear to this man that his attentions are not welcome. Do not accept letters or gifts or relay them to your sister for him. Hopefully he will take the hint. If not, you need to proceed with a restraining order. This is definite stalking behavior.

Have your father or other male friend or relative take this man outside (next tim he comes in) and have a serious talk with him. They should tell the dude that he’s scared you and your sister and that he’s not allowed in the shop anymore, and then let him know that the police have been contacted and if they have to, they will get a restraining order. Also let him know that he is not to contact you or your sister ever again. Make it very clear to this dude that he is not welcome on the premises and that you will indeed contact the police if he ever comes near the store or you or any of your family members. Don’t make this a hollow threat. Talk to the police ahead of time to get advice, then call them immediately if he shows up again. Businesses have the right to deny service to anyone, for any reason. But don’t just say you’ll call the police and then not do it if he shows up, that will only embolden him.

Make sure you keep a copy of the notes and letters that he gave you for your sister. Keep a copy and the originals, because the cops or lawyers that may need to get involved down the line will need proof. Take this situation very seriously!

Talk to the police, now, ahead of time and let them know what has happened and ask them for advice.

Keep a camera on hand, so if he does come back, let him know that you are going to photograph him for the police, then CALL THE POLICE!

Definitely a very, very bad situation. He’s created some sort of fantasy around your sister and he’ll probably act on it at some point. Go to the police and definitely tell your parents.

@chelle21689 , yes- this is stalking, and I know from very recent experience.
If you do begin to take action through a protection order or what not, you need to be consistent with your follow through if he continues to come arond, however in order for any legal action to come into play., someone needs to tell him that she is uninterested, and that he needs to leave all of you alone.

Unfortunately it’s a really long complicated process but that doesnt make it ok for him to be doing thisand you should not just let it go. Take action cautiously. Even if you notified the police of whats gone on , and that youre going to ask him to leave her alone, however youre worried of the result of that so its all on file…

Please update us regarding how it goes for you and your sister! This is a cliff hanger, and we all are concerned!

He probably has a criminal record…might check it out and let us know.

You should ask him to leave you and your sister alone.

Any news?

Today he stopped by again and left me a package to give to my sister. There was a ring inside (it was beautiful actually) and it had another letter proposing again. I told my sis and she e-mailed him on LinkedIn and told him to stop and that she wasn’t interested. He came and got the package. Sad eyes, tried to keep a smile on his face, kinda quiet, but came back to take his package. I hope that’s the end of it and nothing scary comes of this

gggoooddd

Me too @chelle21689. I still think you should have at least a formal complaint on file…

@boxer3 Was that ‘good’ or ‘god?’ There was a turrible bit of stuttering going on there! LOL!

hahahahahahaha. It was intended to be “good” but you know…. god fits too…
I must’ve been having a rough night with that one. ha!

I wrote Pffftttttttt once, and was politely told, by a frog. that you can’t draw out your consonants, just your vowels! We got into an arguent, and I conceded that I should not draw out my t’s, but the fffff’s were JUST FINE!

oh no. youve caught me twice. I frequently use pfffttttt. man. I just can’t win.