Cockamamie question #1 : You open your eyes and you are a great white shark, how could you convince people you are a human being trapped in a shark's body?

Tap out a sequence of prime numbers. After people take note of this remarkable feat, you eat them.

I’d swim up to a cruise ship and swim in the shape of letters of the words I wanted to say.

I’d juggle two baby penguins on my nose, then let them play hide and seek inside my open mouth.

Spell out “I’m human” in seal carcasses and give some helicopter pilots a shock! :P

@Mariah And hope none of those pilots are members of PETA…

I think I would not be quick to tell anyone. At least not until after shark week.

I would start singing this song

Perhaps I would find animals that looked like human reproductive organs and leave them on a beach where I knew young women out for walks would find them and become curious.

@Imadethisupwithnoforethought I knew you were somehow tied to it!

Use Morse Code to tap out “Help I’m a human being trapped in a shark’s body” with one of my pectoral fins.

I’d tell them, “Come here, come on….come to Daddy and feel my nice sharkskin suit. Nuthin’ rough about that, huh? Now let’s go swimmin’ and fishin’ for some pretty little angelfish.”

http://www.lulusvintage.com/2006/05/1960s_mens_shar.html

LOL. I have not heard the word cockamamie in a very long time. I have to use it in a sentence sometime soon, so I can start working it back into my vocabularly.

If I were suddenly a shark I would write out my husband’s name somehow and his cell phone number.

Ah tough one! How about you forget all human beings and interact with your fellow new lifeforms? You have the advantage of being ” The king of the jungle ”.

Oh man. This was a seriously bad dream. I’ve had bad dreams before—once I was this black hole sucking all of earth into me, and then I started working on the planets. The sun almost gave me indigestion. Then, a long time later, I started joining up with other black holes, but… well, I digress.

The weirdest thing was having water coming in through these holes in my neck, but what was really cool was like just gliding and flying and then wondering why I wasn’t drowning. There aren’t any mirrors in the deep, so it’s kind of hard to know who… or what you are, unless you’re under one of the glass bottom boats.

Damn! I love those boats. It is so cool to come rushing up from underneath, heading straight for the bottom of the boat, like you’re going to crash into it and split it open and all the people will fall in the water and you can eat them….

Whoa, mama! That’s, like, cannibalism, right? This double identity thing is a serious drag. I mean, I just don’t like sushi. But did you ever try to light a cook stove underwater? It just won’t light. Even if you can find a cook stove. With gas. Nobody really makes them for underwater shark cuisine. Best you can do is find one on one of those sunken reef boats, although they ususally remove the equipment first.

You know. Being a shark puts a whole new perspective on existentialism. But what can you do? No opposable thumb? I tried writing to the President but a) paper goes all to mush, b) there aren’t any underwater pens and c) I couldn’t hold a pen, even if it did work. Sure, I could hold it in my teeth, but seriously. I don’t need a toothpick and the damn things keep on getting crushed.

But I think I found a solution. I heard there’s this like sea aquarium or something and they use trained sharks or whales or seals or something….mmmmm seals. Maybe they’d put me in the same cage…..

Oops. Stomach is rumbling. BRB.

Yeah. Where was I? Oh yeah. So if I can get them to take me in, none of the “sorry Charlie” stuff, but then, I’m not a tuna, am I? Then I have this whole dance routine worked out, so like I can dance on my tail like a stupid dolphin… did I ever tell you about that dolphin tribe in the West Atlantic? No? Well… oops. I’ll never get finished if I don’t get on track.

Yeah, so it’s like charades, only with a shark. I think I can do it. Just show them some complex thinking patterns and maybe they’ll see I’m a human… Or not. With my luck, they’ll be Republicans. So much for complex thinking!

I wouldn’t even try. I’d just hope they might recognize me by my smile. :-D

I’ll probably pull on and string together those orange water buoys to spell the words, I AM SO FUCKED.

Nothing. I’d eat that little Kittner boy.

I’ll hire me a PRP. ( Public Relations Porcupine )

And a cockapoopoo question is way better than a cockamamie one.

I would make a habit of tripping surfers, snatching their boards, beaching myself, releasing the boards, and taking off. And, I’d do it on the same stretch of beach. If that didn’t work, I’d go back to the drawing board. I would have plenty of time to think up good ideas.

Oh man, I became a Great white? Why would I want to get people’s attention and have them help me out of this? Screw that! Imma swim around and fuck shit up, hell yeah!

I’d try to partially beach myself on an inhabited beach, and write “I’m Brian, and I only eat sushi , people. :-)*” with my right pectoral fin.

*That’s right- I’d actually ensure that I used that last comma and terminate my message with a smiley. ;-p

I would not.
Instead, I would deliberately hunt for children at the beach and give the term “predator” a more literal meaning.
I would eat so many children that the sea level rises from all the blood.

@ragingloli Ha ha ha

Nah, I’d sing this song :-p

I’d do the world a favor and maim Justin Bieber…

And then I’d perform cunnilingus on some hot broad…. Don’t know how that’d help me but it’s what I would do.

“If I had a hammer, i’d hammer in the morning” on the hull of a ship, my hammer song in which I would inform the sailors that I am Roy Scheider and that nature played a nasty, ironic trick on me.

I’d swim away from all the other sharks, using backstroke & screaming like a girl.
Oh & if that didn’t convince them i’d be forced into having sex with a pelican!

Did anyone say Land shark yet?

Or…Play this

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ph7oZnBH05s&ob=av2e

Over and over and over again, until somebody pu’ts the poor creature out of it’s misery or figures it out?

*Wow… That’s a BIG nickel!

Oh, I love these old threads!

Well, I’d swim along a beach and throw a flipper up in the air and wave “Hi.” I’d do that a lot. Till some sucker came to see what was up.

@Dutchess Not sure that would be enough to reveal to people you’re a human possessing a shark….unless maybe you write something on the beach with your tail?

Wow, funny discovering old and weird questions I’ve asked…lol

So many folks I miss…

I’d just tell you to get a bigger boat.