Parents: How are you ever able to relax!

KatawaGrey is 22 and in her own apartment and I still worry about her. But now if she stays out late I don’t know it so I can sleep. I didn’t relax til she went to college, which just added new worries into the mix. But you know what? I learned to trust that I did OK as a parent and that helped.

You worry 24/7 when you are a parent but the trick is not to show it to your kids and be strong to them. I don’t sleep when the girls get sick and when my youngest was at her sickest I was a zombie from lack of sleep. You aren’t missing a all-knowing parent gene its a guessing game and you try to lessen the guessing by doing alot of reading so they are educated guesses and praying you are doing the right things for your kids. Alot of learning happens when you are a parent yourself.. even though I had babysat for kid since I was really young it changes when you become the official mom making all the actual decisions for them.

Alcohol.

I had four children under six years old at one point.

You feel guilty all the time. You just do it.

Occasionally they smile at you randomly and give you an unexpected hug, and it feels so wonderful you just glow through the rest of the day.

The urge to get an actual good nights sleep eventually over rides the nerves.
But eventually you also realize that worring all the time isn’t going to fix or prevent anything. I can’t even guarantee my own safety 24/7. You pray and cross your fingers that by the time they are on their own you taught them well enough for them to survive without you looking over their shoulders.
And I pray that whatever may come that I have the knowledge and strength to handle it all.
And personally, I leave all the rest (the dangers of the world) in Gods hands.

There are different worries at different times and, as a parent, you try to protect them without wrapping them in bubble wrap. I’ve also done a lot of work realizing that some of life’s hurts and ups and downs are good for them in developing into decent human beings. Not that I would ever want anything horrible to happen.

But if something bad were to happen I would do everything in my power to help them through it.

It’s easy enough to “relax” in the evenings after they go to bed, and first thing in the morning (with a huge cup of coffee) before they wake up.

Relaxing in regards to “letting go” or not being worried isn’t so easy. It’s very difficult, if not impossible, to not freak out sometimes. And sometimes the kids see it and there have to be explanations about why we’re worried/stressed/whatever. That makes it pretty easy to see how some kids grow up traumatized if their parents were too neurotic.

And guilt is something every parent has to deal with at some point. If you don’t feel a twinge of guilt over something, you’re not connected enough with your kiddos. Guilt is okay, though, because it shows you know you screwed up and wish you could do things differently.

All of that is perfectly normal as a parent, and you live through it. Somehow.

My cell phone is practically glued to my hip when the kids aren’t home. I breathe easy when the phone doesn’t ring.

I’m having a hard time relaxing at the moment. My youngest is bouncing off the walls and won’t settle down. I’m just going to enjoy her energy and take a sleeping pill when she goes to bed.

The simple answer is you don’t relax as a parent.
The only time it resembles relaxation is when they are tucked in bed sleeping and all the rest of things needed to be done are done (which is never) and you simply steal the time to relax when you know they are safe.
Enjoy every moment you have with them!

Well, I reckon that tears it…time to get an IUD. I can’t handle the pressure!

@SundayKittens there are good days and bad days. The good days by far and away outstrip the bad ones.

After about 2 years, they start sleeping through the night. For up to 12 hours to boot!

I think developing a good tolerance for noise and disorder helps. Children embody entropy – they create order in themselves by creating disorder elsewhere.

+1 for alcohol.

@SundayKittens : It really is different when they are your own kids.

@JilltheTooth – ain’t that the truth!

It’s not necessarily parenting that makes one unable to relax. This inability has more to do with what kind of personality you, as a person, have always had. For example, I’m the kind of person that wants to do a million things at the same time and I was this way in high school (when I did research and directed musicals and headed the Italian club and danced in a troupe and worked and volunteered etc.) and I was this way in college pre-first kid and post-first kid and this way in grad school (the first time around) pre-second kid and post-second kid. I realized that there will never be a time when I’m relaxing or when I will slow down so I had kids throughout all the craziness and am planning my third kid during a time when most other parents will say I’m insane (in the middle of my PhD studies while working 3 part-time ish jobs). So I’m just not made for relaxation.

As to the worrying…that goes along with what I’ve written above. I’m the kind of person that if kept busy will worry less about everything since there is a lot to handle and it helps to put things in perspective. If I had all the time in the world to worry about my kids, that’s all I’d be doing and would drive myself insane. If I didn’t have kids and all I had to worry about was school, that’s all I’d be doing and the same insanity would ensue. Having interests other than what my kids are doing every single breathing moment helps me be a better parent. Having kids helps me be a better student, a better teacher, a better activist. All of these things ground me at the same time so I am thankful for everyone (my mom, aunt, grandma, my best friend) who help my husband and I take care of our kids and our lives.

Wow, some of these responses make me feel like I’m missing something. I’m able to relax and I’m not worried 24/7 about something bad happening to my children or about how they are going to turn out. Right now, for example, my oldest is at school and my youngest is sitting in my lap while I’m here on Fluther. I’m not stressed out or worried about anything at this moment and honestly my desires for them to do well in life don’t make me feel stressed or worried. If I were going to give an overall feeling to how I feel about what their future will hold, I’d say it’s curiosity and anticipation than anything else. I can’t wait to see what they do with their futures!

My baby (he’s almost 4 months old) already sleeps thru the night (about 10 hours a night) and has been doing that for several weeks now, so we get plenty of sleep at night and he naps during the day, so we can nap with him during the day as well if we need to (when our oldest is at school).

My oldest is in 4th grade. He is very self sufficient and very good at entertaining himself (probably because he was an only child until almost 4 months ago).

@Seaofclouds I don’t worry too much either. I’m very confident that the job we’ve done for the last 16 years has prepared them for most of what they’ll face in life.