How do you handle your spouse or SO's bad mood?

I call him out on it, first of all. I ask him why he is so cranky/grouchy/grumpy/pissy. Usually he denies it, but then I insist and we usually get to the bottom of what is bugging him. From there, if it is something that we can fix, we look for a solution. If it isn’t something that we can fix, I rub his neck and shoulders and try to take his mind off of whatever is bothering him.

I hide under the bed.

I never take it personally and realize she just needs time to relax and feel better. Asking “what’s wrong” never gets anywhere either.

When I know for sure that the problem isn’t me, I leave him alone. I know he’ll eventually get over it. I know I don’t want to be nagged when I feel crappy. I just want to be left alone too.

I always kiss her on the forehead and tell her it’s ok if she’s upset, then go out and sit on the front deck and watch the world go by, or call my children and chat with them, or bury myself in writing or reading.

During PMS (for her), she can be extremely sensitive or short (with everyone). I know what’s going on and I take it easy on her. I understand that she has no control over her hormones.

I don’t know if there is any usual way I handle these things. Sometimes I would try to ignore it and hope it would go away. Sometimes I would ask her what she was upset about. Sometimes I would try to guess (since she might not tell me what it was really about). I wouldn’t say I have a very functional way of dealing with trouble in the relationship since I’m generally afraid that any trouble is the beginning of the end. I guess I go into flight or fight mode.

She’s been in a good mood for a while, so I assume it’s time for a bad mood to appear. I’m about ready just to puncture some boil or another in order to bring it on. Maybe I’ll disappear. I have never done so so far, but I always think about it. Life is a lot easier when you are in control of the pain than at its mercy.

Let him be. When he wants to talk about it, he comes around.

I mention it to him. We look at the cause together. Then I just let him work it out for himself.

I find it amusing and a challenge worth meeting when my partner gets upset for no reason. Sometimes, if she spontaneously cries or something and it seems purely hormonal, I’ll just hug her or rub her back- some kind of comforting physical contact, at least, until she calms down.

If she’s just being bitchy because she’s stressed, I find that it works better to call her on it, and to make fun of her a bit without being harsh. I think it’s my calmness and clarity that helps her out. If we can laugh, then nothing is really that bad.

I’ve had partners who this wouldn’t work for, but the particulars of our dynamic make this method work for us.

One thing I learned is that when you move in the same direction as the punch, it hurts less. ;-)

Also, preemptively unloading any guns in the area and hiding all the ammo, greatly enhances one’s chances of surviving an SO’s mood swings.

However, my marriage to Hunter S. Thompson isn’t what I would call an exemplary relationship. ;-)

I afford her the same luxury that an astronaut has, I give her space & lots of it!

I ask him if he wants to take a vacation day and just relax, or I take the boys (preschool grandsons) out to the mall.

I stay out of his way. Attempting to talk to him or reason with him when he’s like that is impossible and just makes him worse. If left alone he’ll come out of the mood soon enough.

I help her relax. At some point she’ll allow me to help since she knows I want the best for her.

I order her a Taxi & send her home, maybe call her mid week :-/

I will usually wait a day before asking what is wrong. Give him time to cool off. If it continues and he insists that everything is fine, than it will usually blow up and I will point out all the things he said or did all week that tell me something is wrong, so he can’t deny it. Then I will ask him about several things and narrow it down. Sometimes its something he isn’t even really aware of that is making him cranky. Usually once we talk it out, he feels better and gets back to normal.

I ask him why he’s so grumpy. Sometimes he talks about it and calms down. Other times, he gets even more grumpy so I tell him to not come home until he gets rid of his pissy attitude. That method usually works, believe it or not. It’s almost like saying that shocks him out of it.

Instead of asking why he’s grumpy, I say something like “What happened to you five minutes before I walked into the room?” It’s a lot friendlier than “What’s wrong with you?” and he does not go on the defensive right off the bat.

When your spouse or SO is in a bad mood and you know it is nothing you’ve done wrong how do you handle it?
My guy has a tendency to try to put on the happy guy face and not burden me with anything. If I see through this then I basically have to ask a few times what’s up, ask him to please tell me because I can see he’s troubled. For some reason his first reaction is to internalize rather than share but he’s making progress in the two years we’ve been a couple.

Do you take it personally?
At first I did until I got the full scope of his personality and situation.

How do you want them to handle yours bad moods?
He’s great at comforting me, asking me talk it out and to offer some solutions or advice. I wish he thought the same was good for him too.

No I never take it personally. I will get upset a lot of the times and he will put up with my bad moods whether it is his fault ur not. So sometimes I will ask him once if he wants to talk about it, if not I’ll leave him alone and won’t nag him about it. I know he likes being alone when angry. Then later when he’s feeling a bit better I will bribe him with some chocolate and a neck rub into letting go of whatever it is.

When he is in a bad mood he doesn’t want me to bother him. The more I ask questions to draw him out the crabbier he gets. So I have learned to just let him be. I think it would be better for him to talk about it, but he won’t until he is good and ready. I think he wants to be left alone, not literally but psychically. I used to fight this because I don’t think it’s very healthy to deal with stress this way, but now I have given up.

I am so different when I am upset Usually I want to talk about whatever is bothering me. I need to vent. I don’t want him to offer solutions, just to listen. Feeling heard and understood is important to me. Other times I just need to be alone, go for a walk, think. I guess it depends what is causing my moodiness and how serious it is.

Not well. I tend to take it personally when it is very rarely anything to do with me!