What do you think about parents who put their children in boarding school?

I don’t necessarily have any stereotypes. I think parents put their children in boarding schools for a variety of reasons; some good, some bad. I would have to know why, in any particular case, before I formed an opinion about the parents.

I don’t really have any preconceived ideas either @JLeslie. I didn’t know any children who went to boarding school when I was younger, and certainly parents from where I grew up didn’t send their children to boarding school. I doubt they could have afforded it if they wanted to. In Australia, children from rural areas are sent to boarding school fairly often I believe. This would be to ensure they got a good standard of education I would say.

For some it’s just a way to try and help the kid.
For others it’s just a way to get some peace for themselves.

But it mostly depends on any case. Particularities vary so much we can’t tell unless we know the whole case. I know it’s just a question with no specific ^^

I know lots of kids who went to boarding schools and parents who sent their kids to boarding schools. As the others have said, there are so many reasons why that stereotyping for that would seem silly. Where on earth would you start?

It’s almost the stuff of fairy tales.
I live in an area that was severely economically depressed before the recession. I know that a few years ago we were 2nd on Forbes’ list of fastest dying cities, with the #1 fastest dying city only about a half an hour away from here. Of course we have a mix of people, but I suspect that even people who would be considered “wealthy” in this area would be lucky to even make a middle class cut elsewhere. Our cost of living is just considerably lower than other places in the US with healthier local economies.
Having said that, I don’t know anyone that has ever gone to boarding school or anyone that has ever sent their children to boarding school. Even growing up in one of the towns that was “better off,” and attending the best public school in the area, I’ve never even heard it mentioned. Never from my friends in private schools, either. I wouldn’t even know that such a thing existed, if it were not for movies and the internet. So I really have no preconceived notions, because it has really never crossed my mind.

My preconceived notion is that it’s mostly rich people, as the boarding schools not far from my house (in Connecticut) that I have seen are mega-bucks kinds of places. I took my daughter to play at a public school playground once, when we were traveling through Kent, Connecticut. The public school was right next to a boarding school, The Kent School. It made me interested in finding out more about the two schools (the boarding school The Kent School and the public schools of the town of Kent). I googled it and it had an aerial view of the school, and it appeared to be a “mega-bucks” kind of place, from the site. I’m sure the public school in Kent, CT, is very good (googled that, too) and it got me thinking why would someone send their kid to boarding school when they live in a good school district. The Kent School site said they have people from all over the world, high teacher:student ratio, etc.

As far as parents go who send their children to an elite boarding school, my preconceived notion is that they may have gone to boarding schools themselves (it’s quite common among the aristrocracy of Europe), and they may feel it builds character.

I cannot imagine sending my daughter away for months at a time. I saw a documentary about a year ago, and it was about boarding school in England. It focused on the little girls who got sent away around 7 years old, and how they missed their parents (especially their moms) so badly, it was so hard for them and so hard for the parents. They were each allowed to bring one stuffed animal from home. I can’t imagine how tough it was for the little kids to be sent away from home for months at a time.

I know there are boarding schools which are paid for by public funds, for “troubled youth.” When I hear the phrase “boarding school” I automatically think of the fancy ones, not the publicly funded ones for troubled kids.

Oh, then, there you go. I do have a preconceived notion. I had no idea that publicly funded boarding schools even existed. I was just under the impression that they were a nicer version of a private school… just with the addition of a destination.

@ANef_is_Enuf: The publicly funded boarding schools I was referring to are not anything like the elite boarding schools that I was first referring to when I talked about The Kent School. The publicly funded ones are more like homes for juvenile delinquents, but technically, since they are schools and the kids live there, they would be considered boarding schools.

The only thing I ever thought of boarding schools was “damn, I wish I could go to one”.

I think being a fan of the book and movie “A Little Princess” as a very young girl endeared me to it. As mean as the girls were, and as strict the teachers, it was better than where I was growing up, and at least the days would have been predictable.

@ANef_is_Enuf @jca There are boarding schools in the SEED program that are public in the US, and they are not exactly troubled youth, but built in an area that is usually lower socio-economically in an attempt to give children a safe focused environment to learn and study, but they are not kids that have been trouble, I think it is done by lottery. The kids live there only M-F if I remember correclty, so it is a slightly different that the typical boarding school.

@Bellatrix Interesting that children from rural areas might be more likely to go to boarding school in Australia. In the states I would think the opposite.

@jca Such a young age, 7, does seem like it would be difficult. When Rosie O’Donnell was on the show The View, I remember Sarah Ferguson (Dutchess of York, British Royalty) was on and they spoke of boardng schools. Rosie was horrified anyone would send their children away at any age.

Oh! I remember hearing on some PBS documentary that people who live on some of the small islands off the coast of Ireland send their kids to boarding school because there aren’t enough kids on the island to have a local school. With a 2 hour ferry ride the only way to and fro, it makes sense to just let the kid come home on the weekends and for holidays.

Nothing. It is their choice.

I would not choose to spend so much time away from my child or have my child away from me so much. To have other people (if anyone) comfort him or her when they have a cold. It would really change their growing up and put a distance between parent and child.

@marinelife So you say nothing, but then you say you feel it puts a distance, I assume you mean emotional distance, between parent and child. Isn’t that in a way commenting on the parent being willing to be distant?

@JLeslie No, it is commenting on why I would not put my child in boarding school, especially at a young age,

@marinelife So, you are saying you don’t judge those parents. Is that right?

I went to boarding school ( well someone on here had to). I went when I was fifteen for three year, so not so much of a wrench for me at that age. My mum was able to afford it because for some reason back then the gov would means test and pay the tuition fees do she managed to pay the boarding fees. It was a hugely higher standard of education in a very supportive academic atmosphere. For me, my mum wanted me to do better than I was at my old school and she knee she was going through a tough time herself after her divorce

If parents or the courts did not put kids in boarding schools I would be out of a job. It is not for everyone, but it does help some kids.

DISCLAIMER: (because we all know by now that disclaimers are necessary here) I am mentioning something that I know is only a stereotype and not true in most cases. Read with caution.

When I hear the words “boarding school”, it automatically makes me think of a rich bitch school where parents send their kids because they want more time to themselves. Or because they’d rather have someone else raise their children instead of performing the daunting task themselves.

BUT I know that it’s just a stereotype that has been wedged into my brain. I know that that’s not the case most of the time. I think it’s just the way boarding school has often been portrayed by Hollywood, and because I’ve never taken an interest in learning about boarding schools, that stupid little stereotype is stuck in my head.

I don’t think I know enough about boarding schools, and the reasons behind parents being willing to be separated from their children for extended periods of time, to actually form a concrete opinion.

I really don’t have enough knowledge to make a judgment. I don’t exactly know how boarding schools are these days.

@JLeslie I do not. I think it is every parent’s decision.

The only person I know that went to a boarding school got sent there after his parents caught him smoking pot (a reform school). That has me stereotyping them as places that parents send their kids when they can’t deal with their kids’ problems.

Further to my answer, of the girls that went to my school, some came because their parents lived abroad and they wanted their children to have a British education, or their company paid for this. Others parents wanted their children to have the same experience as they had. Or, like me, they wanted a better education for their kids. The truth is that the education was amazing, as were the facilities. If you can afford it, why would you deny your children that opportunity? Well, I’ll tell you, that system produces snobby, elitist and over confident, charming individuals. I was a late arrival in the system and from a fairly socialist family but it got me for a bit. Hope I’ve shaken it off as much as I think I have…

Parents send their children to boarding schools so they can become wizards and learn to defend themselves from practitioners of the dark arts.

@WillWorkForChocolate CAUTION: I have the same opinion. When I hear the words “boarding school”, it automatically makes me think of a rich bitch school where parents send their kids because they want more time to themselves. Or because they’d rather have someone else raise their children instead of performing the daunting task themselves.

I have known a few families (single & dual parent homes) that sent their kids to the local military boarding school as ”a last option” after they as parents had thoroughly fucked up their kids.

IMO, in my region, we have a plethora of excellent private schools and many great public schools. There is no reason to send a child away unless the child is unwanted.

I don’t necessarily have preconceived ideas about the parents but I’ve always had a few about the schools and why students go there:

Boarding school is closer to the desired university, familiarizes student with the area, social culture, forms relationships with other students who may carry on later to the same universities, establishes residency.

Boarding schools get a kid out of a school district they don’t think is good. Nowadays, you can’t just pick a school you like and go sign your kid up there.

Boarding schools are where “difficult” kids get sent after divorces or re marriage of custodial parents. This is one a lot of my friends and I used to talk about when little.

I find it strange when parents send their kids off to boarding school, especially at young ages. However, if the parents are genuinly doing it because they believe it is the best thing for the child and not just because they want the child out of their hair then I can’t judge. My dad went to a military boarding school and claims to have loved every minute. He seriously thinks that his education benefitted and also his social skills. His two siblings both had the oportunity to go to boarding school (because of the military) but didn’t want to go so their parents didn’t force them.

I think they have an understanding that the closeness and relationships built, will help their kids in the future with networking since they are all studying together. They are probably in agreement with the teaching style as well, and are possibly opposed to the public school system, in which in my opinion is run by the “mob” parents.

If I were to spend any time thinking about it at all, I would assume they have their reasons and it’s really none of my business.

I taught at a boarding school and honestly. there are so many different kinds of parents who do this and so many different reasons to send a kid to boarding school.

The rich parents who want to be rid of their kids are real. There were parents who complained about having to take the kids home for Thanksgiving because they’d have to take them home again for Christmas a month later. Many parents would pack their kids off to summer camps as soon as school ended.

There was a hurricane and it severely damaged the school one year and we had to delay opening the school by a month. There were parents who pitched a holy fit because summer camp was over and they didn’t want to spend this extra time with their kids. A few parents actually just shipped the kids down because they knew that someone from the school would come and take the kids to hotels. Mind you, this was a week or so before another hurricane was on the way and the parents knew it. They sent their kids deliberately to a part of the country that had no running water or electricity and there were all kinds of problems with the infrastructure just because they didn’t want their schedules disrupted by their kids being home longer. I seriously hated these parents.

There were many parents who didn’t behave like this and called all the time. There were also parents who moved to the area so they could be closer to their kids. Some of them even moved close enough that the kid could be a day student instead of living on campus.

My sister raised her kids 7th day Adventist and all of her kids went away to academy in High School. They liked it a lot. My sister was a secretary, married to an alcoholic, and they helped her out with tuition.

Many parents figured out a way to game the financial aid system (I don’t know if it’s the same now this was 20+years ago.)
They put all the money to pay for 4 years of tuition in a special account set aside for the kids before their sophomore year was up. Tuition (including room and board) was paid out of the kids account, and they often worked during the summer, and never exceeded the maximum allowable days living under the parents roof to be considered residents in their parents home. When they filled out the FAFSA, they didn’t have to take the parent’s income into consideration.
Of course, College was cheaper and there was more financial aid money available back then, but it worked out well for some of the wealthier families. Not saying it was right… just saying that was what they did.
Neither my sister or her kids are still Adventist, probably more Universalists. Her children have grown into some of the most amazing people I know.

I thought I would comment after hearing all the answers. I personally don’t have an opinion or generalization about parents who send their children to borading schools. I think education decisions should be based on the individual child and what will best suit them, their interests, their needs. Boarding school, home school, public school, private school, I don’t think one way or the other. I would guess more children from the upper classes go to boarding school, if I had to guess, but I have no idea if that is actually true. I also feel very strongly about the public boarding school program I mentioned above, and I wish they would bring it to Memphis.

Can I ask what prompted your question @JLeslie? Just curious? Something you read? A friend sending their child to boarding school? I am just interested, no other reason.

I just wanted to add this even though we were talking about the parents here. The boarding school kids being rich snobs is a big time myth. Not everyone in the school I taught in was fabulously wealthy, but most of them were. But I didn’t think the kids acted at all snotty.

I worked in 2 other high schools (one public, one a private day school) and I worked with teens in a public library. I have nothing but the fondest memories of the boarding school kids. They were amazingly well mannered and a lot less clique-ish than the other kids.

The major problems on campus was gossip. The kids were OBSESSED with gossip and there was no way for any kid to keep a secret since they couldn’t even go home and hide whatever they wanted to. The kids didn’t seem to mind it, but it bothered the teachers a lot. They gossiped about each other and us all the time.

The other issue that I found disturbing was sex. Maybe this was unusual and just happened in my school. But many fictional books I read about boarding school had the same thing happening. There was a lot of sex going on between the students. My principal told me that it was terrible that the kids were having it, but it was going to happen no matter what. I was required to report kids I saw having sex, but my principal and other teachers strongly hinted around that I wasn’t supposed to go out of my way looking for it.

I could go on and on about the weird stuff that went on about that. But now is not the place for it. I will say that as much as I always romanticized boarding schools before I taught there, I don’t think I could send my kids to the school after witnessing the kids behavior about sex and the teacher’s trying really hard not to notice it. I bet that’s something most of the parents had no clue about.

@keobooks Was the school co-ed? Do, you really think there ws more sex then there is in general with teens? Do you think there was more pressure to have sex?

@Bellatrix There was a recent Q about one of our favorite jellies whose son was going through a rough patch in school, and then another Q about hazing, and it got me thinking about writing this question, even though it is not directly related. I had previously had a discussion about boarding schools with a friend, the other two questions just brought it up in my mind again.

@YARNLADY: I don’t think it’s a matter of it being anyone’s “business” as the question is a general question and not specifically about any one situation or family. I think asking a question like this or speculating about the situations involved is more a matter of curiosity about the world around us.

Thank you @JLeslie. I was curious. It is an interesting question. Thanks for explaining where the thought came from.

@Bellatrix @jca Oh, OK, I just took it too personally, I guess. I don’t really think about why other people make the choices they make.

The school was co-ed. I think the students had more opportunity than non boarding school kids to have sex. I also think my administration was lax. We weren’t told to look the other way, but it was strongly suggested. Reporting sex to the parents made the school look bad so if we didn’t see it, it wasn’t happening. That principal and the President are long gone now. I am betting this is one of the reasons.

I would think if the kids came up pregnant or with a “social disease” this might not look too good for the school.

I was just thinking they probably don’t wind up with babies. Hopefully, they aren’t getting pregnant. As far as STD’s I wonder if the parents are notified about an STD or if it is just taken care of. Don’t the school administrators have some sort of guardianship over the wellfare of the students?