Do men secretly judge other men's looks?

Let me put it this way – I have no way of determining if a guy is attractive or not. It’s not some block I have and I am not “lying”. I just see dudes and they look like, well…dudes. Some are in shape, some are skinny, some are fat, some have huge noses. I have heard this from people in the past, and I assure you that I am incapable of determining if a man is attractive or not.

Some do, some don’t.

I think this is great for this particular topic. Everyone should read it.

@ Tom G, so if I put up a picture of Jack Black vs. Mario Lopez you wouldn’t know who would be considered attractive to women?

@chelle21689 – I would see them and say that I women have told me that Mario Lopez is something they are attracted to. I look at Jack Black and I see that he’s overweight. I know that many of the women I know are not attracted to overweight guys.

Therefore, I have a pretty damn good guess who women would find attractive. I have to go off of their cues.

I believe they do. I work with teams of men, all together at once there could be about 60 of them and whenever a particularly attractive new hire comes in, the others get very snarky and nit picky about “pretty faces” getting special treatment when the truth is all new hires get a little boosting to get them off to a solid start. Seems as if the unusually attractive stand out and get the criticism though.

@ Tom G, I’m not saying that you are attracted to men if you know they are handsome are not. It’s like I know Halle Berry is beautiful in my opinion but I don’t want to date her, have sex with her, or any of that at all. LOL

I can notice when a man is exceptionally good looking and/or is well dressed beyond expectations. But for 98% of men I have no clue if women would consider them as attractive or not. I think most men, who don’t have women clamoring for attention, really don’t know where they fit in the continuum.

@chelle21689 – What are you saying? (@chelle21689: “I feel like that they are lying in a way.”)

@chelle21689 – Why or how do you “know Halle Berry is beautiful in [your] opinion”? Do you “know” it because you have been told by friends who are attracted to females?

Because I just don’t see how it is possible that you can judge everything else that looks good or not and men is just the exception.

How do I know Halle Berry is beautiful? Because I think so, it has nothing to do with my friends….some people think she’s okay and some people think she’s hot…simple as that.

@Zenvelo, I think that’s a reasonable good response, but I don’t think most would admit

@chelle21689 – “Because I just don’t see how it is possible that you can judge everything else that looks good or not and men is just the exception.”

Believe it because I am telling you the truth. And what exactly is “everything else”? Aren’t we talking about people here? You cannot fathom how someone could not look at a male and determine whether or not the male is attractive. I am telling you that I do not have the ability to do this.

@chelle21689 It’s subjective, people that I think are attractive might not appeal to someone else, but yeah, I can tell the difference in men. I’m totally straight but a good looking guy is a good looking guy.

I can recognise good looks when I see them in men or in women but I don’t fancy men.

Don’t get mad Tom_G, I’m just trying to see a different perspective. I’m glad you’re answering so I can try to understand this

@chelle21689 – And see, there are males who have this ability. Some don’t, however, and I am one.

I would love this ability, by the way. For one, it would help me have some sense of style so I could determine what makes a male look good vs. not good.

Oh okay, so it has nothing to do with feeling gay? My bf says he doesn’t have this ability either but then he mentions, “I want 6 pack abs like that guy” in a magazine lol <—is that an example of him knowing what is attracitve of a man or not? hahahah

Also a part of the reason why it is hard for me to understand is because women don’t have a hard time determining who is pretty or not…and I’m wondering if it’s just a cultural thing where men grew up to not judge other men in that way.

@chelle21689 – Sorry, I don’t mean to come off as mad. I have had this conversation a few times with my women friends who just don’t get it. They often just end up brushing me off as being in some kind of denial or something. It’s frustrating to open up and be completely honest to someone and have them say that you’re just lying or something (not that you are doing that).

@chelle21689: “Also a part of the reason why it is hard for me to understand is because women don’t have a hard time determining who is pretty or not…and I’m wondering if it’s just a cultural thing where men grew up to not judge other men in that way.”

My serious answer: It’s probably very complicated. Gender and sexuality are always difficult to parse from the culture.

My semi-serious answer: Women don’t have a difficult time determining if other women are pretty or not because women are the attractive gender. Males just look ridiculous.

Some of a problem with it, some don’t. I don’t; in fact my wife and female friends seem to find no end of joy in asking what my opinion is of random guys when we’re out, at least if they spot someone interesting. I think they get a kick out of the fact that I’ll actually give them a real answer.

Not in the least, what an outrageous suggestion!!
Why I would never dream of such a thi….........phwoarrrr! ;¬}

My husband has turned to me before and said “If you cheated on me with that dude, I couldn’t even be mad about it. I’d just be like, ‘Well, yeah. Duh.’ ”

He’s much more likely to point out how skinny and smelly someone else is, though.

My husband (who is totally straight, but very metro) likes to point out when a guy is wearing an outfit he likes or has a sweet haircut. He will admit when he thinks another guy looks good (in real life or onscreen).

I guess it depends on the guy and his level of comfort with himself whether he will admit this kind of stuff out loud?

That’s the thing, my bf can point out what body he’d like to look like, hair style, and all that but not tell me whether someone is goodlooking or not. He’ll say something like “I don’t judge other dudes” but in a way he does! Okay I think this goes back to what zenevelo says…if someone is really ugly or really attractive a guy can notice that. I have a feeling he can admit him being ugly rather than being attractive though.

It sucks that my bf is like that though because it’s kinda fun to know certain things

Having been told that women like tall, well dressed men, I make an assumption when I see one, women will find him attractive.

In the past, women I have known have dated men I assumed were ugly, and they tell me that they happen to find that man incredibly sexy due to personality factors. I have given up trying to figure out what is attractive to women.

Imadehtisup….oh no that’s not my point. It wasn’t my point if you can see what women find attractive or not…but whether you yourself were able to give an opinion on a man’s appearance whether he was ugly or not…or attractive and you did just that lol

@chelle21689 you totally know which of your guy friends not to bring your brand new girlfriend around

I do, but not secretly.

We don’t notice we just covet

I can judge male beauty as easily as female. I can tell if they are strong or they work out or whether they have movie star looks or not. I know the “pretty boys” and the tough boys and the rough boys and the nerds and dweebs and retards. It’s all pretty obvious.

I’m willing to talk about it if people ask, and I don’t feel like it’s “gay” to judge a man’s looks. It’s hard for me to believe than any man doesn’t know exactly where they stand in the looks department. It’s perfectly obvious who turns on the ladies just by their looks. It’s perfectly obvious who the ladies crowd around, and whether they crowd around for looks, personality or both.

My taste does not run towards the pretty men. I like a more rough looking kind of guy, or a guy who looks kinda like me. But that’s mostly because I feel more comfortable around guys I don’t feel I can’t compete with. I like short guys who have a paunch and aren’t beautiful and don’t have commanding voices. Ordinary guys, in other words. Those are my bros… or they would be, had I any male friends.

I know women have different taste in men, so not all like movie star looks and so on and so on, the same as men have different taste in women. I think that when I was younger I was very interested in what women liked in men, in hopes that some women might like me, but I quickly realized that was hopeless. For the most part… ok, for all the part, I am not tall, dark, and handsome. I’m just ordinary—if you include 75% of the male population in ordinary. Well, maybe I could sneak in at 67%, as well.

Anyway, once I realized I wasn’t part of the feminine ideal, I stopped trying to do anything about. Eventually I stopped thinking about it. I can look at other men and see if they fit, and if they do, I assume they’ve got it going on. But I don’t think that puts me at risk of turning gay or something.

Haha, funny that I was going to ask if you were gay or not…I only thought you might’ve been just because you said “I like guys who….” but never mind. But I thought you gave a great answer. So you do believe men can tell who is considered good-looking or not huh?

Of course they can! Anyone who says they can’t has somehow managed to wall it off inside themselves. Lot’s of phobia.

Unless there really are people who don’t notice how anyone looks. But if you notice how women look, then you notice how men look. You just don’t pay attention to noticing if you think you don’t notice it.

I can definitely tell when a man looks good or not. But it’s my own opinion, which is to say, what if I think the skinny nerdy greasy guy is more attractive, because his physicalness correlates with his job, whether its musician, or artist compared to some muscle head, who’s life revolves around testosterone. I’m not saying buff guys don’t look good. I think there a variety of good looking men, I’ll just pull out the stars. Ryan Gosling (beard or no beard), Brad Pitt, Josh Hartnett (american with chinky kind of eyes), Joseph Gordon Levitt (another chinky eyed White American), Jude Law (suave), Jean Claude Van Damme (in his hey day). Tsonga (has this firm physicalness look to him Tennis Pro Player) George Lewis Jr. (Twin Shadow singer) It all ranges. Yeah, I’m not gay, but I like to look at other guys from time to time and can appreciate a good looking guy. It’s not like sexually I’m attracted, but its more of a “this is a good looking dude” Anyways I think that its all biological, I think dudes who are scared of other guy contacts just didn’t mess around a lot. Like in my high school me and some buds would spank each others ass, and pretend we were gay, but we were cool with it because to us it was hilarious getting a reaction out of “homophobes”

I comfortable saying another man is handsome or beautiful or good-looking or whatever. I have aesthetic values. I think some rocks are prettier than other rocks, that doesn’t mean I want to get with those rocks in a romantic sense. I don’t see how it would be at all difficult to admit this sort of thing. I judge the competition, moreover I can even appreciate the competition.

I never did it and I never will do it. I admire how good some clothes can fit another man but it’s all.

@Hibernate

You never have and never will harbour an aesthetic preference between two men?

You can honestly say Mickey Rourke post-face-fuckup is equally aesthetically pleasing as Mickey Rourke pre-surgery?

LOL. Yeh, he’d definitely be more insecure with the hot guy.

@tom_g But you got to admit many guys DO look at other men and compare themselves to them, physically, especially when the other man has a “decent build/physique”. I sense this all the time when I go swimming every week, wearing my Speedos (not to sound vain, but I’m one of those few guys who can carry it off in a Speedo) at a public swimming pool, and I see other guys glancing at me (but trying hard to pretend not to look at me). Guys do it all the time, because they are either envious, insecure, or both. They are sizing other men up and comparing themselves to them. I’m sure you’ve done it yourself. It doesn’t mean anything about your sexuality. On the contrary, guys do it (even sub-consciously), as a competitive thing. They feel threatened by men with better physiques. It’s natural for guys to feel that way.

I wouldn’t say “secretly.” We don’t really talk about it – there are other, more interesting things in the world (womens’ looks, for instance, or Star Wars, or stand-up philosophy), but it’s not some terrible thing that we try to hide.
In the customer-service goldfish bowl where I work, people-watching is the entertainment. So I’ll stand there and spit my chickens and watch people go by, to the sound of an internal monologue: “Man, that guy is ugly!” “That has got to be the biggest nose I’ve ever seen.” “Lookit that guy; maybe if he didn’t drive around in a mart-cart all the time he might not need a mart-cart.” Ohh, this one looks like she’s going to ask about the sandwiches that we haven’t made in over a year.” And it’s not uncommon for appearance to come up in conversation. One of the guys in the cafe takes pains to dress well – suit jackets and ties, even in that world of grease – and it stands out so we talk about it. One of our former cashiers was a man to whom hygiene and good appearance mattered little, and it stood out, and we talked about it.

Sam’s Club Meat Dept. is boring. Plain and simple.

@MRSHINYSHOES: “But you got to admit many guys DO look at other men and compare themselves to them, physically, especially when the other man has a “decent build/physique”.”

I suppose I am aware of physical characteristics of a person. I do not weight train, and I know people who do. I am 6’2” and and know men who are 5’6”. I’m not sure that this type of observation is what the original poster had in mind, however.

@Seek_Kolinahr I never did it and I will never do it. I can’t explain how/why/how come etc. Guys are the same for me, I don’t judge for looks.

@tom_g If you carefully read the second paragraph under the question, it is indeed that type of observation being suggested.

It doesn’t matter what the size of the man. It’s not the measurements that count, it’s how they’re arranged. And men who work out/exercise almost always outshine (lol——not a reflection on my part!) other guys with better looking and stronger physiques.

@MRSHINYSHOES: “If you carefully read the second paragraph under the question, it is indeed that type of observation being suggested.”

Let’s read that second paragraph “carefully” together….

@chelle21689: “I feel like that they are lying in a way. I mean, put it this way. if your girlfriend was talking to some handsome buff guy vs. a skinny nerdy looking greasy guy…I’m sure the boyfriend would know who to be more intimidated by as far as looks right?”

Let me translate what chelle21689 is saying: She feels that if my girlfriend was talking to some “handsome buff guy” vs. a “skinny nerdy looking greasy guy”, she believes that I would be more worried that my relationship is in danger. This is the only way I can read this. My wife laughs at “buff guys” and has exclusively dated skinny pseudo-intellectual, arrogant geeks like myself. She can talk to all of the “buff guys” she wants to, and I would not feel threatened. I’ll take it even further – she can talk to all of the geeks she wants to. If she no longer is interested in me, then that’s the way it goes. I do not feel threatened by my wife (or “girlfriend”) talking to anyone. And more importantly – there is no way for me to determine what she happens to find attractive. And even more importantly – this is completely removed from the spirit of the question, which was asking about whether or not I have the ability to look at a male and determine if he is attractive or not.

I do not.

@MRSHINYSHOES: “It doesn’t matter what the size of the man. It’s not the measurements that count, it’s how they’re arranged. And men who work out/exercise almost always outshine (lol——not a reflection on my part!) other guys with better looking and stronger physiques.”

Says you. In fact, I have no idea what you are even talking about here.

It seems that you are saying that you can see a male and think, “that’s a good looking dude”. Good for you. In fact, I’m probably a bit jealous.

However, I cannot do this. I’m almost 40 years old and I’ve had this conversation with so many female friends and girlfriends, it’s ridiculous. We’d even practice in public. I’d have to guess which male at some table is considered the most attractive. After 30 minutes of trying to figure out how to even do this, I’d take a complete random guess. I was so wrong.

So, to me the original question bothered me a bit because of this: @chelle21689: “I feel like that they are lying in a way.” If I’m color blind or can’t see a certain color, please don’t call me a liar for stating that I cannot see the color.

Honestly?

Mickey Rourke then

Micky Rourke now

I think you’re being dishonest with yourself (and us) if you can’t look at these two faces and determine one more aesthetically pleasing (and one pretty damn grotesque).

@Seek_Kolinahr – If someone has a physical deformity, of fucking course I’m aware of that. I had a dentist who’s left eye was 2 inches lower than his right eye. Did I think to myself, “now that’s and ugly guy”? No. I thought, wow, I am uncomfortable looking at him (and feel guilty for feeling this way).

If I was to meet Mickey Rourke in his “now” state, I might be a bit distracted by what appears to be some kind of plastic surgery (lips??) thing going on. That distraction would make me feel a bit uncomfortable. If I was to meet Mickey Rourke in his “then” state, I’d see some guy. So, I’m supposed to say “well golly fucking gee, I suppose I am able to judge men’s looks.” If that’s what this means, then sure. However, this is not what the original poster was asking, and was not her intention when she called us/me liars.

And @Seek_Kolinahr, the “I think you’re being dishonest with yourself (and us)” has been thrown to me a couple of times recently – especially by theists who feel I am in some kind of denial or just don’t want to believe. Or can’t see god when I look out the window.

I may be an asshole. I may be confused about many things. I may not be that bright. But dishonest I am not.

sorry, I should have qualified my answer, it was directed to @Hibernate, who said he is incapable of determining the aesthetic value of a male person’s face

@Seek_Kolinahr – No, I think you got the right person. I am incapable of determining the aesthetic value of a male person’s face**.

** Of course, if we now include the elephant man or other deformities, then I am capable of seeing these things, so I suppose it depends on what you mean. Are we asking if men can see someone who is missing a nose and distinguish this from a man who has a nose?

I form opinions about and attractions to other men based not only on their looks, but many times on how they move, their aesthetic expressions, and their voices.

I’m currently crushing on 35-years-ago Timothy Schmit. He’s the bassist and he’s wearing a white tee in this video. He can be seen starting at 0:25 and heard in his luminescent glory at about 3:18. ♥

So yes I do form opinions about the appearances of other men, and perhaps some men are secretive about it, but I’m not.

I’ve said it once and I’ll say it again. I still don’t understand how guys are capable of judging everything that looks better or not (cars, girls, art work, look of phones, room decor, etc.) but incapable of men just because they’re men.

@chelle21689 Secure guys can do it, insecure guys can’t. (Ducks and covers)

@tom_g You’re still missing the point my friend.

Lol…so your wife laughs at buff guys and is attracted to skinny pseudo intellectual guys like you. That’s okay. Nothing wrong with that. But you can bet most girls/women are more attracted to men with good physiques. That’s nature. Like the male moose with the bigger rack, you know. Hehe. Women/girls are naturally drawn to men with better physiques. It’s nature’s way to ensure her offspring are endowed with the best attributes for survival. I thought you knew that.

You’re getting “sexual attraction” mixed up with “physical sizing up and intimidation.” What I’m saying is that most guys DO tend to look at other men and compare themselves to them, even sub-consciously. I’m sure you do that, but you’re just not aware of it. Of course you may not see the physical “attractiveness” of other males, but you do size them up, even unknowingly. It’s all part of the race to be the dominant male my friend. There’s nothing wrong with being blind to that. It wasn’t my intention to offend you. I just wanted to tell you the reality of it——guys do size each other up.

@MRSHINYSHOES – No offense taken. I don’t get offended.
Anyway, I think we are talking past each other a bit.

@tom_g It sounded as if you were offended. Sorry if I soured your grapes. Lol.

Yes, I agree, I think we aren’t going to see eye to eye on this.

wow mickey rourke was goodlooking back then lol

@MRSHINYSHOES I wouldn’t necessarily say that, but as for me, I prefer guys with some meat on them; a man who really looks like he could stand up for me in a time of need, you know. I know about that race. It’s good. Keeps them on their toes. And as for guys, I know this for a fact: they don’t like skinny b*tches because those ones look like they wouldn’t be able to carry their young. Not unless you want your kids trapped between a 3×2 pelvic jail cell.

@thesparrow I’m glad you see it that way too. :)

My bf pointed out this boxer’s huge nose on the TV yesterday and I asked him if he could tell if guys were ugly. He said “If they’re really ugly” then he admitted that guys can tell who looks better than the other. See I knew it! lol