Inlaw trouble!! Can the relationship survive?

You wouldn’t be marrying her (I presume) but her son. How does he react to all of this? That’s the key.

Yes you can. Is your fiance on your side, does he think his mom is nuts, and pushes back when she treats you badly. If you are a united couple I think you can do it.

My advice is to always be yourself. Be the nice person you want to be. Don’t give her reason to criticize you. If you have not already, attempt to ask her for advice, and show her you value you her as a MIL and grandma. Lead the way to including her to try and quell her nutso jealousy.

Worse comes to worst, it is easier to get along with inlaws if they live a thousand miles away.

I never understood why couples must have this connection to the rest of the family, no matter how toxic. I don’t think families are meant to travel around in inseparable packs anymore. People move away for jobs and get caught up in their own lives. Why waste time visiting a bunch of people that you don’t get along with every weekend when you can just spend time with your own family.

It will last if you guys don’t get caught up in the drama. Take the high road and straight up ignore people if you have to.

If your husband to be is able to set boundaries with his mother, and if he supports you (including to her).

If not, then no.

This sounds like dozens of couples I have talked to before. Most likely the mother is ashamed of your unmarried relations, and she is NOT your Mother in law, if you are not married ! Mom is (I assume) rather old school and does not like the idea of her son shacking up, it might be accepted by a lot of people now days, but she is not one of them.

If you two intend to stay together, and you really want to have a good relationship with her, getting Married would be a good start, and if you don’t care enough to get married, then don’t live together. In her eyes, you two living in sin, is bringing shame to the whole family.

One reason to turn the picture away is she refuses to see you two as a family, and therefor not a part of her family. To her, she has a son, his whore and a bastard grandchild with no name. (sorry but that is the way the old school people see it). In her eyes you should have been married before becoming pregnant, next best would have been get married as soon as you found out, but that ship has sailed.

If you were to get married now it would help, but it is not going to get better overnight, but don’t try to have a pure white (I’m a virgin) wedding, that would only be insulting to her and the family. Make sure that child has its fathers name, if they don’t.

If you got pregnant 2½ years ago, it is going to take at least that long to undo the damage, and probably longer. That will put you back to zero, then you can start building the relationship you want. But the longer you wait, the longer it will take to fix.

I don’t know how old you are or how old your bf is but in the vein of what @DrBill wrote, here’s what I’d gander was up your bf’s mother’s bum:

She liked you when she thought you a nice girl her son was dating, nothing serious, no threat to the future she thought he would have.

She saw her son’s future (whatever she had imagined for him) shattered once she learned he was going to have a baby out of wedlock.

She could have been socially embarrassed that the son she may have talked up to friends and other family members as being responsible, “going somewhere” instead got a girl pregnant.

She might be resentful if your grandchild means she has had to put off some personal plans in order to be the kind of grandma that is an alternate parent rather than an occasional guest’/visitor.

I’m just throwing these out there because in my 40+ years, this is what I’ve seen when it’s happened in my own family and to others.

If you really value this woman’s friendship and want her respect then it’s going to take time and be work on your part, work you might grow weary of and resentful of doing. If not then I doubt you’ll ever breach that chasm- she’ll always be disappointed in him, resentful of you and ashamed of your baby.

What you may have interpreted as getting along just may have been phony behavior by the mom as long as you didn’t have your meat hooks into her son. You now have and her true colors have come out. It seems to me from the little info you have provided you have some ass kissing to do to win her over or tell her to grow up and at least meet you half way on giving your child/her grandchild a decent GP relationship.

@slopolk I sort off had this problem with an ex girlfriend a really really long time ago. She never liked me and she didn’t pretend to accept me. Several times when we were visiting her mother she said some nasty things. At a point I just toked a stand and said to her to be nice. She didn’t like it and started to act even more rude. I explained to my girl she has to chose it’s either me or her mother .. I won’t bother pretending to like the mother but if she continues that way I’ll dump her. My girl explained to her mother we won’t be going to visit her anytime soon or speak with her unless she at least “tries” to make peace with me.
Well the mother got offended but after one year or so we became good “friends”. She understood I was going to live with her daughter, marry her etc etc.

After one more year me and that girl broke up but not because of her mother.

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You have to take a stand and tell to your boyfriend he needs to“control” his mother. Or don’t allow her to come visit you. Or just leave home when she will visit; go to a friend, go to a motel. Spend no time together with her. She’ll get the idea. And if your boyfriend loves you he will side with you ^^

Is your boyfriend an only child? Was he living with her before you came along? I think if he was an only child, or if he was living with her, she probably is extra resentful of you because you changed everything.

I used to go out with a guy who was the youngest of 3 children (he was an adult when we went out) and his father was deceased, and I really think his mom thought of him like her companion and not her son. She was resentful of me, would make comments occasionally that indicated she was jealous, and she really liked when we included her on an outing. Sometimes he would take her out shopping, to the movies or to dinner and he was like her husband, almost. She didn’t mind too much that he had a girlfriend (me) as long as he continued to live with her and not move out.

How old are you and your boyfriend?