Why is it that (many) women hold grudges and get jealous so quickly?

Why are you generalizing from your fiancee to (many) women? Why not just ask a question about how to handle her issues?

It’s only you, @Hypocrisy_Central. They don’t hold grudges against anyone else.

Men are assholes…..?

I guess for the same reason some men act like pigs and treat women like objects because they’re afraid to comit after being hurt badly by one or multiple women?

grabs popcorn, relaxes

Why is it that (many) men hold grudges and get jealous so quickly?

1. Men tend to be more controlling and jealous of women’s friends and outside relationships.

2. Men can hold grudges as well or better than women.

I don’t paint the whole species with one brush. Why do you do that with women?

Why is your fiancee, who has been cheated on and treated like shit many times, somewhat concerned about being cheated on and being treated like shit?

Hmm…one of life’s big mysteries….

It seems to me that women have a more difficult time letting go of things, and have more issues with their self image, which causes them to doubt themselves more and take it out on other women.

When you work in a male dominated environment you RARELY see the drama stirred up by male peers, that you do when you are working in a place full of women.

You can not deny this. You can even see it in little children. Two boys fight a fight so bad they draw blood, five minutes later they’re best friends. A little girl gets upset with you, she’s done talking to you for a week.

Hey @cockswain enjoy your popcorn after this statement: It’s because men are geared toward using logic in their approach to many issues that women default to using emotion as a tool to resolve.

microwaves new bag of popcorn

steals a handful of @cockswain‘s popcorn and leaves room

I don’t understand women, and I have to be one someday…

I may be wrong but in some cases it’s their nature.

@AshLeigh there are cultures where when you get your period you are considered a woman. Getting your period means for them your body is capable of reproducing thus you became a woman. ^^

@janbb Why are you generalizing from your fiancee to (many) women? Why not just ask a question about how to handle her issues? First off, since you were not apart of the conversation leading to this, I included other women because not only have I encountered it, I was warned of it by my brother, three friends, and my neighbor. They have all experienced in the past a woman that just could not let go of something and kept unearthing it in their relationship, when it had nothing to do with their relationship. Second, I can’t ask you or anyone else what to do or how to wise her up, change her thinking etc, until I know why she does it? If you have a circuit that keeps popping fuses do you try to find out why the current is not stable or do you just keep buying fuses and crossing your fingers?

@wundayatta ¬_It’s only you, @Hypocrisy_Central. They don’t hold grudges against anyone else._ ROFL The sarcasm there was almost dry enough to be effective. Surely you don’t intend that to be factual, because having to produce facts on that would be all hat and no cattle. Was good for a laugh though.

@Blackberry Ahhhhhh….the old conundrum, do guys act like dogs because they were made that way by a bitch, or are women made into bitches because they were dogged out? Yup, a conundrum.

@tom_g It’s because men are geared toward using logic in their approach to many issues that women default to using emotion as a tool to resolve. @mrrich724 I think condensed id down nicely. She feels they cheated on her because she was not pretty enough etc. So, I guess she sees all other women as competition, even though she has won, she can’t believe she has won, I point out to her logically time after time why that isn’t true and how when you add up things fact by fact, it is nothing like the relationships she had before.

@Hibernate… [Shakes head]

@Hypocrisy_Central – You are making a habit of attributing statements to me that I have not made!

(“It’s because mena are geared toward using logic….” == @mrrich724‘s quote. Not mine.)

Same reason why a lot of women are catty, among themselves, and spiteful when relationships go wrong. Not all women, but a lot. Men are more likely to just take it on the chin and repress it, which is not always a good thing, for the man. We allow girls to express their emotions when they’re growing up, but not boys. Women are allowed to cry, men are not. This is society’s view, and it’s seen as okay. Hence, when it comes to relationships and things don’t turn out right, women feel free to cry, to show spite, to hissy fit, to show jealously, etc.

My thought is this, although I don’t agree that women are any more prone to hold grudges than men are, they can have a different way of handling emotional pain . It’s more acceptable for a woman to play the “victim” card. Women are less ashamed than men to claim or admit that they have been taken advantage of. A man’s pride causes him to keep a stiff upper lip, and not admit to damage caused by this or that relationship.

If your girlfriend finds it hard to let go of the hurt I suppose it means she hasn’t healed yet. Still, it’s wrong for her to saddle you with this stereotype of men who can’t be trusted. After a certain point she needs to decide that you are worthy of trusting or why is she with you at all? I was reminded of a book called Games People Play that came out in the 60’s. There are scripts that people tend to repeat in their lives if they don’t make an effort to break out of it and get beyond it. She could have an emotional investment in believing that men are no good and that she is the poor victim. In any case, it’s not good for you or for her. For more on this book about transactional analysis read this:
http://www.ericberne.com/JamesAllen_Games_People_Play.htm

You think women are the only one to do this? Men have been known to kill their partners more often than women killing them.
In the last 2 relationships my daughter had, all the guys claimed to have bad relationships in the past and used that as an excuse as to why they found it hard to trust her or commit.
I think it has more to do with todays society. It’s not me, it all about my past. If they aren’t whinning about past boyfriends or girlfiends, then it was mommy or daddy didn’t love me enough, or I spend so much money because I grew up poor, or I can’t work because it cause all my bosses hate me, or I committed a crime because society drove me to it.
I think all of these things are just excuses for poor behavior.

@Pandora You think women are the only one to do this? I did not say why do only women. I know men can hold grudges, I know some. However, the man I see looking back in the mirror is seeking a commitment with a female, not a male. Until that time, which won’t happen for infinity times infinity, I don’t care about what grudge a man would have with his woman. I don’t care about men, because I have no plan to ever marry one.

Who has the popcorn?

@tom_g I was answering your question with @mrrich724 quote. I was not trying to say you said it. ;-)

Disregarding the conversation which your question elicited and inspired by your mention of baggage, I decided to offer this mouthful

I’ve got plenty

@Hypocrisy_Central Do you think it’s possible (and I mean this in this most respectable way possible given the circumstances) that you might just be an asshole?

@cockswain @Hypocrisy_Central Do you think it’s possible (and I mean this in this most respectable way possible given the circumstances) that you might just be an asshole? Without dabbling into every detail of her life, let just say if I am the asshole, compared to those she was involved with before. They are nuclear powered, triple turbocharged, nitrous equipped, assholes on weapons grade steroids. I could have tons of dossiers backing up how well I have treated her, but no one would want to believe that…so…..

In that case, I’m very sorry your betrothed has dated weapons grade assholes. Good luck.

Insecurity

plain and simple. no need for drama here.

@Hypocrisy_Central: “I was answering your question with @mrrich724 quote. I was not trying to say you said it. ;-)”

Ok. But I suggest that you change up your style just a bit to make it clearer.

Of course, I will use my method as the best example of this. (quotes are instructional only)
The following states what you said, so I can respond….

—————————————————————-

@Hypocrisy_Central: “I believe the sky is blue.”

Well, you’re wrong!

—————————————————————-

It’s easy to see that @Hypocrisy_Central made that statement in quotes, then I respond directly to that statement. In the confusing case earlier in which it seems you have quoted me, you could have done the following….

—————————————————————-

@tom_g: “Why is your fiancee, who has been cheated on and treated like shit many times, somewhat concerned about being cheated on and being treated like shit?”

I agree with @mrrich724: ” It’s because men are geared toward using logic in their approach to many issues that women default to using emotion as a tool to resolve.”

—————————————————————-

It’s not like her private information is being tied to her real name.

Why do you think she’d know about this thread?

I suppose that’s possible. Hopefully she isn’t aware of it, you’re right.

Really? So you actually know who @Hypocrisy_Central is in real life and his fiance? I guess this is an entirely different situation than the totally anonymous one I originally pictured.

No, that’s ok. This is getting too weird, I’m out.

@Hypocrisy_Central “I did not say why do only women.” True but then shouldn’t you have asked, “Why do people in relationships make other suffer through mistakes of past relationships”. In which case I would simply say because they can. Because they either have a general mistrust of the opposite sex or like to use it as an excuse to avoid getting more intimate.
But the question you should really be asking, is why do I keep attracting these types of people? More than likely because you like the wounded kind of person and want to be someones hero.
Of course I am only guessing but the reality of it, is because you like people who are jealous or you would’ve given her, her walking papers, or maybe you do things that would be questionable in anyones mind and you expect absolute blind trust. Trust is something that must be earned and your actions will determine the direction it is going in.

great, now it looks like I got into a dumb discussion with some spam.

(pats @cockswain on head. There, there.)

A bit off topic. What’s with all the spam messages? Has is started again? It barely stopped.

@cockswain great, now it looks like I got into a dumb discussion with some spam. Spam taste great with scrabbled eggs; don’t diss the Spam. ;-P

@Pandora But the question you should really be asking, is why do I keep attracting these types of people? More than likely because you like the wounded kind of person and want to be someones hero. That is just it, I am fairly opposite of that. If I catch wind that they have a lot of funk they are carrying around, I am in the wind. I tell them as I would anyone, I cannot complete anyone, if they are not complete in themselves, I can’t do it for them. I cannot make anyone happy, if they decide they can’t be happy it was them that done it; I can’t drive it from their head. I spend enough effort trying to keep myself together, not try to piece someone else back together.

@Hypocrisy_Central I don’t know if you saw it, but some weirdo said he knew you on facebook and wondered if I’d like to see pics of your fiance.

@cockswain I suspect anyone could see her if they know anyone in the Tidepool fo Jellies. They find that, I am sure they would fine me, and it will lead back to her.

If this link works, you can see her. Yes, it is really her, in case anyone thinks I am faking.