For the men of fluther, were you reckless when you were young and how old were you when you 'grew up'?
Asked by
Bellatrix (
21317
)
September 23rd, 2011
My son is 18 and I am at a loss about some of his actions and choices. I have read research that suggests male brains develop slower than female brains and that boys are programmed to behave recklessly in their youth. Men of fluther, was this true of you and when did you grow up and start to behave responsibly? Was there anything that helped prompt this development or is it just a case of weathering the storm and hoping he grows up sooner rather than later and doesn’t cause himself or others harm along the way?
Observing members:
0
Composing members:
0
60 Answers
Only when I had kids. Now that they have grown up – I’m sliding back to my youthful recklessness again.
I agree with @zensky. You are indestructible until you have a child to take care of.
It is true. Once an awareness of real responsibilties is accepted will it even have a chance to penetrate the testosterone level of reckless abandon.
For me it was at about age 25 (but i am biased on that guess)
take note that some never accept it
I’m 25, but I think I had a good run. I think I’m choosing to grow up because I just have to. I can’t party forever, and I need to get a grip on what I’m going to do for the rest of my life. Women don’t like losers.
Ya, I don’t understand that. As a woman I’ve always been very cautious and calculating. I’ve never made a profoundly bad decision. But my BF used to be VERY reckless in his youth.. I don’t really understand… I used to tell him he’s lucky he got to experience so much, but he says that most of it was bad and he wishes he could take it back and that he had met me a long time ago.
I was never reckless. Ambitious yes, but not reckless.
I took chances, but they were not foolish chances. As a youth, I was pretty level-headed and goal-directed.
But I also spent so much time academically, that I never had time to party or be wild.
@Blackberry Yeh, like I never felt like I had that ‘good’ run. I do go out, I drink, party with friends, do mild recreational drugs from time to time. The only thing I’ve never done is, pardon me, f*ck around.. i just never felt it was in my nature. Now, because of that, I have no emotional baggage, no STD, no asshole exes. So what can people really throw on me or accuse me of?
LOL @ male brains develop slower then female brains. No shit, but then why do men get called the smarter sex?
My husband was never reckless. He does like to drive a car very fast around a racetrack, does that count? He has always been focused, level headed, and cared about acting with integrity. He never partied hard, or had wild one night stands, or purposely hurt someone, or vandalized something, or any of that crazy shit some boys do. He was always fairly disciplined, and was respectful of others. He tells a story about when he was young he took care of his things, because he thought his toys had feelings too. Awww.
I think it just depends on the guy. If you talk to car insurance companies they would say age 25. After age 25 you can usually get your car insurance lowered, because the risk of accidents goes down significantly.
@JLeslie You’re very lucky he was always like that. What a sweet man. I wish I had had a proclivity toward the ‘nerdier’ type as well…
@china Traditionally, yes they do.
@thesparrow If you met my husband you would never think he was a nerd. To me he isn’t a nerd. He races cars, likes motorcycles, is fairly handsome, dresses anywhere from metrosexual to typical guy in a t-shirt and jeans. There is really something wrong if being a good guy is nerdy.
@JLeslie Yeh, I was too lazy to edit that out, but I saw that indiscretion.
I was very reckless from about age ten. That’s when my mother returned to working days and I became a latch-key kid.
Every day after school, from 2PM to 6PM, I was completely on my own. I lived a mile from a train station and had a bicycle. I soon started hopping on the train with my bike and exploring every town or city it stopped at. I met new people, got into a few scrapes, and learned to think on my feet real fast.
A year later, at age eleven, I began going into Boston, Harvard Square, Back Bay and Kendall Square. Lots of diverse, interesting and sometimes, seedy places.
My mother never had a clue where I was and, apparently didn’t care, so long as I was home for dinner.
Later came drinking, selling drugs, and lots of stupidity. Straight through high school and right into college, I was always pushing boundaries, seeing what I could get away with.
I suppose ive slowed down as a parent now, but, truthfully…I still feel this way and will try to get away with what I can.
@thesparrow Lol. Men are the smarter sex because yes, their brains develop slower, but that’s nature’s way of allowing the brain to develop to its fullest. Those trees that grow really fast have weak trunks that break easily in the wind. Trees that grow slowly develop a tough heavy wood and are stronger and taller. The same can be said about the sexes’ developing brains. Lol. ;)
By the way, I disclose my age in my profile pic.
I was not particularly reckless, but then I’ve always been quite conservative. Incautious, certainly, but that was more a product of my own ignorance than of any illusions of imperviousness.
I think you have to weather this storm. I had a stellar upbringing and that only taught me I could do almost anything and I did. At 18 you are more than able to make choices and try new things as is human nature at that age to do so. All you can hope for is that you showed him how to make the best choice possible and when that didn’t work out so well he/she doesn’t make the same mistake twice.
Still young. Still reckless.
Alright, on the real, I’m not reckless to the point of drunk driving or doing cocaine or stealing things or vandalization, etc. but I’m still in “party all the time” phase. We’ll see how long this lasts…
I’m not a man, but I’m pretty reckless. ;)
Also, I don’t think there is a smarter gender. The fact that you have a wanker doesn’t mean you have more knowledge, and that fact that women don’t have wankers doesn’t make them smarter either. Anyone ever heard of equality? ;)
Really? @MRSHINYSHOES
If you want to follow the tree metaphor, only men get “wood” and are vulnerable to being chopped. Women keep fortresses. We don’t care if our trunk is larger than yours.
Let’s go to a plumbing metaphor. A good plumber can run pipes. A great plumber can run all the pipes inside the walls.
Speaking of laying pipes…^
“Several meta-studies by Richard Lynn between 1999 and 2005 found mean IQ of men exceeding that of women by a range of 3–5 points.[18] [21][22] Lynn’s findings were debated in a series of articles for Nature.[23][24] Jackson and Rushton found males aged 17–18 years had average of 3.63 IQ points in excess of their female equivalents.[25] A 2005 study by Helmuth Nyborg found an average advantage for males of 3.8 IQ points.[26] One study concluded that after controlling for sociodemographic and health variables, “gender differences tended to disappear on tests for which there was a male advantage and to magnify on tests for which there was a female advantage.”[19] A study from 2007 found a 2–4 IQ point advantage for females in later life.[27]” -Jimmy Wales
My ex-husband was extremely reckless when he was a teen/young adult. He settled down quite a bit when our relationship got serious, and a whole lot more right around the time, you guessed it, we were expecting our first child. He’s an uber responsible guy these days. There is hope!
If I had a penis and had that same closed minded mentality, I’d go jump off of a cliff.
@DominicX Does “party all the time” mean being drunk or high? Or, just being out? I was out dancing at the big mega clubs in DC from the age of 16, but I don’t feel I was reckless. I didn’t drink, although many of the people I was with would have one or two. the only reckless thing about it was it wasn’t the safest part of DC always, but the area was pretty busy because of the clubs.
@katethegreat that’s a pretty generalized statement. Many men have yet to experience a woman such as yourself and as such will only remain to be left closed minded and holding their penis while jumping from the cliff all alone.
@JLeslie It means being drunk, yeah. I don’t really go partying without drinking.
@MRSHINYSHOES I somehow now seem very happy with my previously reckless boyfriend.. at least I know he would never say things like that.
@KateTheGreat I don’t think I’d give up being able to have sex as a woman for being able to have sex as a man
Never considered myself as reckless. I just did/do my own thing & to hell with what convention says. As for when I grow up, i’ll let you know just as soon as it happens ;¬}
I’ve always been grown up .. that’s why I never dated in high school.
My theory is that they tend to mellow out around 25. Every guy is different, though.
Hopefully he knows better than to take stupid risks like drinking and driving, etc.
I got married at 25. Hmmmm.
@AshLeigh Impossible, because when I said “nothing” there’s no exception. That’s what “nothing” means! Hehe.
@MRSHINYSHOES you wouldn’t know that for sure, unless you’ve ever had a vagina. ;)
I personally enjoy having vagina more.
@AshLeigh And you wouldn’t know that either, unless you had a penis! And there’s nothing like having a penis.
Maybe in your next life you’ll be luckier. ;)
Thank you to those people who stayed remotely on topic. I appreciate your answers.
@AshLeigh Sorry if I offended you. That wasn’t my intention. ;)
Well, I’m leaving this thread. :D
‘Men are the smarter sex because yes, their brains develop slower…’ Ha! Are you for real?? I can see why you left…
Some males possess a dick; some simply become one.
But I’m sorry @Bellatrix for getting involved in the derailment.
There are so many in my generation (not only boys, though they are more obvious because they’re louder) who are slow to grow up. They take advantage of their parents’ genuine desire to pave an easier path for them. Most come around when the real world hits them in the face.
Thank you @Blueroses. I hope so since you know the back story to this post!
@Bellatrix I do. And knowing how exceptional his mother is, If that boy doesn’t take some responsibility, I’d have to organize a bitch-slap party. “Wake up, buddy. The ride is over and if you make your mother cry one more time, I’ll sell your ass to the merchant marines.”
The only way I’d agree to have been born a man was if I was well-endowed.
No, with penis length.. but if I was a man I’d want to have money, too. Nevermind that. I’m a woman and I still want money.
Having a vagina and a lot of money is the best… I love my life.
@KateTheGreat AH, I’m in a similar situation. I love to throw out my money and buy people drinks. Vagina and money is boss.
It all depends on the environment. I was really young, I wish I could have acted somewhat “Crazy” but I didn’t had the time or the space.
True that girls leave puberty sooner than boys but it’s like this. They want older boys as friends because they won’t act childish while boys want younger girls because they look better than older ones. It’s a continuous circle here ^^
Yeh, unfortunately that’s the reality.
Answer this question 
Composing members:
0
