Parents and caretakers: How do you get a preschooler to be willing to let her hair be brushed?

My daughters was the same way when she was that age. First get a good hair brush like a Mason Pearson. Second, I would use a detangler product. Without a detangling product, it was a really painful battle.
I would always try to brush it out after her bath and while reading. Her mind was on something else.
I actually went and purchased a book on various hair braids and would have her pick out a braid for the day. That way, I got her buy in. It also was helpful when she got good comments back from other children and parents on how her hair looked when it was brushed out nicely or put up.

I guess you could just show her how messy it is and say, “If you don’t brush it, it will not look like the hair of a princess” and then tell her that you will do it really gently. Then hold it close to the scalp and don’t let the brush pull the hair too much.
And like blueiiznh said, get a good-quality hairbrush. I know it’s expensive, but it will save your daughter a lot of pain. And DON’T use a comb, because that will just hurt.
I was exactly the same way when I was younger. Now I am just used to it.
And keep in mind that she will eventually get used to having her hair brushed.

Honestly, she might need to have it trimmed if she’s never had it cut. Dead ends tend to get tangled and knotted up a lot more than healthy hair (at least from my experience).

I wouldn’t considered warning her that if she won’t take care of her hair (by letting you brush it) that it will need to be cut. To me, that’s part of teaching her how to take care of herself properly. If she really doesn’t want her hair cut, then she needs to take care or it/let you take care of it.

That being said, I was the same way when I was little. My mom ended up cutting my hair because I absolutely hated having her brush/comb it.

I was the same way as a child. My mom cut my hair off.
But can you make this a game or a reward system? Buy her a tiara since she wants to look like a princess and tell her when she lets you brush her hair she can wear the tiara. Keep in mind this is advice from someone with no kids, so I probably have no idea what I’m saying here.

I don’t have an answer for you, but I can relate to your daughter. I remember it hurting so bad it made me cry when someone would brush my hair when I was about her age, up until about 5th or 6th grade when everyone gave up and I cared about brushing it myself. Give her a hug for me. Tell her a 50 year old just like her had the same problem and it got better.

How about a product like Johnson and Johnson Spray Detangler? It gets good reviews.

http://www.diapers.com/p/Johnson-Johnson-No-More-Tangles-Spray-Detangler-10-oz-49512

We had to use conditioner on my daughter’s hair when she was that age…it was fine and blond.

Btw, something that occurred to me: If you don’t do so already, you need to use conditioner on your daughter’s hair.

I think the blue eyed guy nailed it.

If that fails, then you present her with the alternatives. She brushes it herself (so that it looks neat and presentable) or it gets trimmed. Period.

Jus tell her firmly, and stick to it, that going around with hair looking like a rat’s nest is simply NOT an option. So she has those three choices. She must pick one.

This is a very common dilemma, and I went through it with my girls as well (and was like that at that age myself). I second conditioner, a spray-on detangler, and very gentle brushing. Getting a trim is a good idea, too. I like the idea of rewards, like the tiara. Last but not least, you’ve gotta’ do what you’ve gotta’ do, and you may just have to accept that it will always be a struggle for now. She will eventually grow out of it. Hopefully before you pull your own hair out!

Conditioner came to my mind as soon as I saw the question. My hair is a little long right now and gets knotted up if I don’t use a conditioner.

Does anyone know what’s in spray-on conditioner? Is it a good idea to be using that on a small child every day? I see that some homemade recipes are conditioner, or conditioner + hairspray + gel, and a lot of water.

What type of hair does she have? I have very curly hair and I wouldn’t dare brush it more than 10 minutes out of the shower because it would just rip out of my head….. I always put in conditioner right out of the shower, I use this kind and it makes my hair as well as my sons *super coarse hair really soft and manageable. Its a lot less expensive at the Christmas Tree Shops if you have one of those in your area.

I really like the idea mentioned above about having her take part in the hair styling process. Does she like to brush your hair? Perhaps she would be more willing to let you brush hers if she could brush yours?

@dappled_leaves: Google Johnson and Johnson Natural Hair Products. They talk about the ingredients, the testing and the various products. I’m too rushed to do the research.

Edit: See below.

Here it is.

Some reviews for the J n J spray-on conditioner.

http://www.diapers.com/p/Johnson-Johnson-No-More-Tangles-Spray-Detangler-10-oz-49512

Ingredients: Water, Cocamidopropyl Betaine, Polyquaternium-44, Sodium Trideceth Sulfate, Peg-80 Sorbitan Laurate, Decyl Glucoside, Peg-12 Dimethicone, Acrylates Copolymer, Glycerin, Glycol Distearate, Peg-150 Distearate, Fragrance, Laureth-4, Phenoxyethanol, Methylparaben, Propylparaben, Tetrasodium Edta. May Also Contain: Sodiumj Hydroxide

Discussion and explanation of their ingredients; Here

Another thing I just thought of with my hair, no matter what conditioner I use, if I try to brush/comb it while it’s wet, it’s always tangled. If I wait until it’s dry (or at least almost completely dry), it’s a lot easier to brush/comb.

@Seaofclouds that is because when you brush your hair when it is still wet, the hairs are stretched, causing them to be less durable and more prone to things like frayed ends.

OP here: Her hair is long, fine and blonde. I use conditioner after the shampoo. It’s not a total rat’s nest, just a little more straggly then it should be (and it’s all one length, so it tends to be in her face a little).

I was like this too when I was little. I remember my babysitter used to brush my hair, and for Christmas she gave me a brush, comb and mirror set! We didn’t have brushes with the plastic bristles then, we just had the natural bristle type of brush. I would brush only the top layer of hair, and the whole bottom was a nest. My mom used to occasionally cut the knots out of the bottom. My daughter’s is not that bad but it looks kind of messy.

@jca Goodie makes an Ouchless Brush and has Ouchless rubber bands, headbands-etc for fine, curly or thick hair. So far, I’ve found Wal-mart and the Net (amazon/ebay) to be the best sources to find their products on.

My son’s bestie has long, fine blonde hair. She cries when her mommy brushes, yet looks forward to having fun hairstyles when she comes here. We sent her home with a brush…now no more crying at her house either ;)

We’ve found that It’s a 10 spray works like a charm. You need a small amount for the brush to glide right through the hair.

I had very long tresses as a kid and wish they’d had these products then. The brush goes through knots like butter.

Johnson and Johnson detangler… I remember that from when I was a kid… *Don’t cut her hair out of convienience, it ruined a large portion of my self esteem at a young age.

I kind of like @chyna‘s suggestion of making it like a game. My mom still loves to tell the stories about how when I little, I had long, unmanageable hair and HATED having it brushed. She says the best idea she ever had get me to submit to a brush it was making up a (non-scary) story about fairies that came and built their “nests” in my hair every night while I slept. I still remember this vividly and it really is a delightful memory. Perhaps you could make up a cute narrative or game to make her more amenable to it?

My father used to braid my long and thick hair every morning before I left for school. It was one of the few intimate rituals he and I ever shared. As I became an adolescent, he distanced himself from me, so the memories are even more poignant.

He was gentle and careful and I was happy to endure the tugging.

After he died (in 1980) and we were cleaning out the house, subsequent to the sale, I was rummaging around the attic.

There on a shelf in a cedar closet, in a long Lord and Taylor’s glove box, I was stunned to find the two braids that my father had rescued from the waste basket after my mother gave me my first hair-cut in 5th grade..snip, snip.