To what extent do you find the oblivious disturbing?

Are you thinking of projection? I do find it annoying.

I call it being “self-unaware”. Some call it being narcissistic.

When an individual is self-aware, they are more in touch with other peoples journeys. They can be empathetic of the other person. They can then disagree in an agreeable way…without personal attack.

I find the person conducting this type of behavior is typically emotionally unintelligent.

@SpatzieLover POINTS! Yes, true, but does it annoy you? Especially when it is someone you are friends with or worse, love. To what extent do you let it go and allow them that, or do you call them out on it openly?

@marinelife No, not projection, that is more dissplacement where you pick easier targets for agression. I’m talking about the kinds of people who argue points, against others using the same tactics that they are arguing against someone else for using and if you point it out to them, they refuse to hear, or understand or even see how they are just as, and now twice as wrong as the person they are accusing simply for adding ignorant to the list.

It depends on how closely I’m required to associate with the irksome one. If it’s an acquaintance I see rarely, I can laugh it off and know I’m not going to be the one to give them self-awareness.
But. If I have to spend 9 hours daily at a neighboring desk… I seethe and my days are ruined and I understand why some people go “postal”.

@Blueroses Do you feel guilty for not saying anything or stay quiet to avoid the entire thing? *The Uber-Oblivious always do tend to be rather argumentitive.

@GabrielsLamb I wouldn’t call the Uber-Oblivious (I’m adopting that term, btw) whom I know “argumentative”. They quite simply don’t even hear things other people say. No fight, just a blind adherence to their favorite topic, “themselves”.

I guess the best thing for all of us would be to debate and scrutinize like a bunch of robots lol.

@Blueroses Okay even exchange, I like Irksome one… LOL

Do you find that is turns you into an intentional liar just to be in their presence because you care about them, you like or admire them but you just can’t CORRECT them on any issue without the Uber-oblivion kicking in and causing problems. So you have to end up bending your own truths and feelings just to be in their company. Is this how or why we conform?

@GabrielsLamb Yes, it’s annoying.

Real Life Scenario:
My MIL & FIL are extremely self-unaware. The MIL is just now beginning to see that there is more to life than her right/wrong or black/white lifestyle. The FIL strongly believes he is one of the only correct people to walk the earth…How could anyone not find that irksome? Why would anyone desire to be near him?

They don’t. He is the root cause of significant family troubles, yet he is too blinded by his righteousness to even get a glimpse of what he is doing.

@SpatzieLover *See my last comment above yours. *I loved that reply by the way, You’ve got the exact gist of what I am talking about. Thanks!

@GabrielsLamb Okay…I’ll answer that for you:

Do I intentionally lie? Never. That’s a big no-no in my belief system
In the past, I’d try to soothe or apease them. I’ve learned that was me lying to myself. I felt dumb for not being my full me when I didn’t stand up for what I believed in.
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Here’s a good example of my past dumbness with the MIL/FIL:
I was in the last months of pregnancy. We were invited to their home to share in a b-day party for my niece. My SIL and BIL and their kids showed up. I could see that my MIL was being very rude. I couldn’t understand why…we were gathered to celebrate a b-day.

The SIL and her daughter the b-day girl came to the party with a cake they’d baked special for the event. The MIL stopped them from pulling out their cake. She said “I already baked a cake” and began slamming things on the table.

The party continued with a grey cloud hanging over it. The b-day girl was upset, the nephews wanted to eat mama & sister’s cake…the MIL pulls out one tiny, horrible looking cake and serves it up…it was horrendous.

Now if this same event happened in my family, someone would have taken the MIL to the kitchen, and told her to snap out of it…Most likely it would’ve been nipped before anyone else knew that something even occured.

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So, I went home in the car telling my husband that was a weird scene & I felt like I should’ve intervened. I emailed the SIL and apologized for not taking action…we both became more open with one another.

Since that seemingly small incident 6yrs ago, I have never compromised my feelings with the inlaws. If I have something to say, I say it. My MIL now looks forward to my honesty. The FIL, not so much…but he lives in a very small world that revolves around himself. There aren’t many people allowed inside…mostly because he thinks everyone is stupid, ignorant, fools, ding-bats, etc.

@Blackberry Robots are incapable of empathy. I’d prefer to discuss without attack on individuals. It takes practice. It involves not directing a finger at the person, and instead pointing back to the topic.

@SpatzieLover Greatness!

@SpatzieLover Total Kudos for being the better person and dealing with IL’s in the best way possible… That can be very tricky sometimes… you did good!