Women: have you noticed a change in random male attention over the years?

I would say at about 40 was when the looks dropped a great deal. But I think it has to do with several things.
The ones that are most likely to oggle will usually do it to girls in their early 20’s or big breasted women. I was always big on top, so I think that is why the looks happened more.

Also, maturity is a turn off. I think most people can tell if you will be the type to be offended by oggling.

I think guys still look at an older attractive woman only in a more respectful way. Probably because the first thing that will occur is that this woman takes some pride in her appearence and she probably is very confident.

Also attractive doesn’t always mean instantly sexy. I think as we get older we pull back on the sexy. You have to work for that bit after 40 but its just oozes out in your twenties without trying.

Older women can have a glow about them but it doesn’t always translate to sexy.

I just thought of something else. As a female I still find myself looking at men who are young and fit, but I like guys my age. The young ones are just really nice to look at because of their vitality.
However, I may be attracted to the young persons energy but I like the calmness and confidence an older person has.
Young people are just nice to look at. I think deep inside they remind us of how we once where so full of energy.

Well, I’m sorry to report a definite affirmatory on the “becoming invisible” front. Understand that I’m what some would consider “high maintenance.” I don’t require a man to maintain me, but I have tried to keep myself in great shape, dress very nicely, attention to teeth/hair/skin. I feel that I do look at least 10 years younger than my age, but it is very rare that I garner any actual attention from men.

Truthfully, it is the women “my age” from whom I get the most attention: “What do you use on your skin? Where did you get that jacket? How do you keep your weight in check?”—those kinds of things.

But I can’t dismiss the fact that my persona, irrespective of my physical appearance, is one of professionalism, confidence, maturity, wisdom (perhaps), and that alone might telegraph “look the other way.”

I’m trying hard not to place any real value on this. I need to be healthy and attractive to suit myself. But an occasional gleam in the eye from a gentleman would probably make my day ;-)

In my experience, all women are at least a bit insecure with their looks. Regardless of age.

A hypothesis I would suggest, is that they’re not at all “becoming invisible”.. but rather the younger crowd of men, who are more prone to… expressing or more visibly showing their attention to women are usually attracted to younger girls (save for the occasional “milf” hunter). The older men who are still probably attracted to them in droves, are likely a lot better about being appropriate with their “attention”... and not making it so apparent.

You also have to remember the “nature” and genetics of it too. Men may simply naturally look for younger women because of a natural instinct that that person would be a better mother for their off spring… more suited and capable because of their youth and physical condition. It may have nothing to do with the older woman actually losing her attractiveness, but her age is apparent and on a sub-conscious level men strike that against her, since subconsciously we’re just looking for viable mating candidates.

But if she’s really self conscious about it, just send her my way :).

I too support your researcher friend’s findings.

My weight has gone up and down so I blamed it on that. Now that it’s down and I am pretty fit I get more attention at 50 than I did at 30. Maybe I never did get the burlap bag cat calls though. I’m just a late bloomer.

@wundayatta

I suppose I am a poor example of this? Most of my life I was overweight so I was always invisible.

When I got divorcced at 39 I lost an entire supermodel in body weight. (130 lbs) But now that I am older, and it’s all kind of all over for me… I feel that no one looks for any good reason, but my desire to be looked at probably stems more from a loss of it from being fat and abused for it for so many years prior, than it does out of a desire to be oogled in general.

*Some women do actually like that, I personally have never known what to feel or think about it because I was always treated either poorly, or condescendingly because of my weight.

You know… “You have such a pretty face, if you would just slim down a bit you would be SO beautiful.” Well I did… and guess what, because I was called fat for so many years, I still feel ugly inside and I have never felt secure with any compliment, I have always taken them as ingenuine.

Basically, I feel ripped off of an entire life, a youth and because of the fact that I told my ex he would leave me in this exact position to all his swearing to God that it would “Never happen.” So… Yeah… Big Jip!

But I don’t notice any difference… and you’re right, it is probably because I was too many years fat and now I’m just too damn old and nobody wants that.

An attractive woman in her 40s told me “Guys used to hold the door for me so they could get a better look at my ass. Now they hold it for me because I’m an old lady”. That made me wonder how much her own feelings about her changing body—especially as a woman who must have commanded a lot of male attention in her youth—affected her perceptions about how others view her.

@thorninmud Hmmm… I usually hold doors for women, I didn’t realize I could be scoping out the goods this whole time!... Damnit!

@GabrielsLamb, first a belated welcome to Fluther!

Your story has really saddened me. I think many people (probably women more than men) live and die in the frames that are constructed from their body images. It is amazing to me how we lock ourselves into a pattern of self-imagery that no reflection in a mirror can change.

I celebrate your weight loss—that is incredible! I think 130 pounds might actually be two supermodels, so I doubly salute you!

You have likely touched others in ways you can’t imagine because you can only see through the lens of the “fat lady” or the woman who was robbed of a life. You are beautiful in the eyes of many, and you don’t know it. Sending you a hug.

@picante Thank You…♥ ♥ ♥

I was in a management training seminar, and the speaker asked a young looking participant how old she was. When she answered that she was 23, he asked “You realize that you’re the sexiest you’ll ever be? It’s all downhill from here”. (He was a gay male.)

That comment stuck with me. Society values youth.

@tedd: In my experience, all women are at least a bit insecure with their looks. Regardless of age.

This is rubbish. I fall into the subset of all women and I am thrilled with my looks, my age and the attention I garner.

If I smile, stand up straight, and dress in order not to scare the horses, I put a twinkle in the eyes of many people…

As a woman, the older you get the more you realize ”random acts of kindness” are about as much as you can expect from the male population.

* * * *
However, a few years back, a friend and I were chatting about this very topic about how invisible we get as we get older say, 50. She said to me, “Ah but our generation is not invisible to each other.”

I would also have to agree with the researcher.
I used to get a lot of attention from men, young and old. I never tried to get it, I was modest in my dress and in the way I conducted myself. The looks probably started at about 16 and slowed down about 40ish.
Now if I get any attention at all it is from women and men, about my age or older.

I also completely agree with @Pandora, “As a female I still find myself looking at men who are young and fit, but I like guys my age. The young ones are just really nice to look at because of their vitality.
However, I may be attracted to the young persons energy but I like the calmness and confidence an older person has.
Young people are just nice to look at. I think deep inside they remind us of how we once where so full of energy.”

I guess that I sort of look at it like I had my turn, now I have to move on in my thinking. Perhaps this sounds a bit defeatist, but I think it’s realistic.

@GabrielsLamb, I’m so sorry that you feel that you missed out on your turn.
I’m sure that you are still a very attractive woman and maybe if you will try to be open to it, you will get some looks, and smiles and see that others do appreciate your attractiveness. It might not be from the younger guys, but those your own age and older. I think you might find that they are usually more subtle and sincere.

I think I was too insecure when I was younger to realize the attention I got for my looks. Now I do feel invisible to random admirers. However, I am so much more secure in my personality that I know I am attractive to both men and women once I begin to interact. Also, I am ok enough about my body and my looks that I doubt I would turn anybody off.

@wilma I know that sounds like it might make sense in theory Wilma… But I beg to differ.

Older men come with baggage and hate for days… If an older woman is loving, responsible, and tender, and willing to accept the age difference, I actually prefer younger guys.

Spoken from experience. I think younger men in my experience are more tender, loving and accepting and also not so set in their ways that they have hang ups and fossilized stagnent old beliefs and hate for women because of what their ex wife did to them and griping and bitching about how they have to take care of their own children and pay support.

Sometimes that noise prevents comraderie, safety and closness. If I ever found an older man with a heart like mine *Im a responsible big kid… Then maybe… I like modern music art, sensible deep thinkers, men willing to discuss and debate on life and science and logic, Younger men in my opinion are far more intelligent as well, and I prefer them be younger for all of those reasons… NOT the pervert ones that are always assumed of it. THat aspect of a relationship just happens naturally, it is certainly not an ONLY focal point.
and it has ABSOLUTELY NOTHING to do with looks… meaning for me, it’s not a cougar on the hunt for someone that LOOKS young, I prefer younger guys that look and act older than they are actually… to be specific.

It’s not a sex fiend thing… It is a genuine connection. I do however understand how younger men will and do fake that connection, but again no more or less than a 45 year old: has, and does, and will given the opportunity to be a jerk. Jerks do not descriminate… they are equal opportunity users.

I am quirky and individual and older guys that I have met usually arent.

@GabrielsLamb I do agree that there are jerks in every age range, I was making generalizations, and that isn’t always a good thing.
I hope that you find your “young at heart” man.

@gailcalled Well I’m sorry to say you’re a rarity in my experience. Trust me I wish it were the other way around, but I have had many many girls tell me about their insecurities in themselves. Many of them who were utterly amazing on many levels.

Yes but a bit opposite of what you write about your friends. It wasn’t until I was in my late twenties and then divorced that I noticed men noticing me, actively flirting with me. I’m a late bloomer but not unhappy about it.

I was in my 20’s when I noticed men were looking at me. Around 50 I began to feel invisible. I was depressed, felt under appreciated and knew it. Then I started being my self rather than the person I thought I ought to be. The light came back in my face and I moved with more purpose. I became visible again! The audience tends to be a bit older, but it’s definitely there. I love it!

I don’t feel invisible, yet… but I’ve got 10 years until I hit 40 and I have already noticed a rapid decline in attention. Five years ago it felt like I couldn’t even walk out of my front door without someone cat calling, flirting, or at the very least staring a few seconds too long. It isn’t like that anymore. I’m sure part of it is the way that I carry myself. I’m stressed, I’m in a hurry, I’m insecure. When no one notices me, then I feel old… which only makes me more insecure. I think it’s a vicious cycle.

@tedd; Perhaps you need to broaden your circle of friends.

I didn’t usually pay much attention, but I did notice at restaurants when waiters went out of their way to be nice to Grandma to get a better tip.

I wouldn’t say I have become “invisible” as I head into my late 40’s, but the kind of attention I receive has changed. In my 20’s and early 30’s I got the cat-calls and whistles. Now I get more respectful kind of attention. Gentlemen my age notice me and rather than doing anything creepy (aside from the odd letch here and there) they tend to strike up a conversation. I which case I always mention very early on how much I love my husband. I appreciate this kind of attention more because the chest beating cries for a woman’s attention always grossed me out.

All in all I have to agree with @gailcalled I believe a lot of it comes from a woman’s demeanor and level of confidence. I am very lucky to have maintained the same weight throughout my adult life and always been in decent shape. I’m no Annette Bening, but I have always been comfortable with my looks and as I get older and experience what @janbb describes as being “more secure in my personality” I am becoming even more comfortable. It also doesn’t hurt that I seem to have inherited some pretty awesome genes and am holding up pretty darn well all things considered.

@tedd: I am wondering if the reason many women have told you they are insecure with their looks is just because the confident women are maybe not likely to say “I am very confident with my looks.” Maybe someone who is insecure might want to discuss that issue, whereas someone who is confident might not think there is anything to discuss. I would say the only way to accurately state what many women are thinking would be to have done a confidential survey of thousands of women from all walks of life.

I think it is one of the perks of aging. I don’t really give a damn whether anyone looks or not! I dress for comfort and I am astounded at the discomfort women put upon themselves for the sake of so called fashion or to get the looks of which you speak. This is the tropics for heaven’s sake and there are women in those skin tight jeans and high heeled cowboy boots, can you think of a worse thing to wear??? But they are getting looks (I am at a convention for an extremely male dominated field). I wish women would stop worrying about pleasing/attracting men. It seems men need women a lot more than vice versa, so they’ll come running when they feel like it no matter what you wear. Stop worrying.

@rooeytoo: Oh, well said.^^

I must add one more point here. I wouldn’t even want the “looks” from most males over 35, they all seem to have big beer bellies, braidable nasal hair, furry ears and they take my theory of dressing for comfort not fashion to an extreme that is, well, in some cases, laughable! We are having a bit of a cold snap here (meaning temps in the 60’s instead of usual 90’s) so blokes are dressing for the weather. This means, high woolen socks with your Blundstones, usual short short Ruggers, moth ravaged woolen sweater (it did fit 20 years ago!) and a woolen beanie in favorite footy team colors!

With the exception of my mate and a few others, as I look around, the phrase, “The more I know of men, the more I love my dog” seems very applicable.

Milo here; I’ll drink to that. Me

( I thought I had a photo of me holding a glass of red wine but no such luck.)

And, honey rooey tooey, I’ll braid my whiskers for you anytime, babe.

@wilma It’s okay and thanks for the clarification.

@rooeytoo Even though I am older, I have worked very hard on my body to get it down from closer to 300 lbs than I liked at one time. I worked hard, and since I was divorced late in life, why shouldn’t I give what’s left of my youth to someone who I didn’t have the pleasure of being with having been married since I was 18 years old?

It’s my turn… I’m not so much worried about the beer bellies, or the rest of it… He doesn’t have to be classically “beautiful” I went that route too and they usually turn out to be materialistic, users and liars at any age.

I just like a younger mindset and a fresh perspective, no one else’s children, no other womans baggage… Like that episode of Roseanne with the donut where she flicked the sprinkles off saying to Jackie… “A man is like this donut, first you gotta get rid of what his MOM did to him, then you gotta get rid of… Plain and simple, under normal circumstances, I am able to handle the quirky bits, the differences. I’m not saying I wouldn’t date an older man… but if I am willing to, in the very least, let go of all my baggage for a little love and trust and companionship… want that in return and it’s best when there isn’t any.

@GabrielsLamb – I really agree, you should never judge a book by its cover.

I simply reported what I was seeing because of the implications of the question, that being, women, as they grow older do not attract the attention of men. My point being the physical beauty of men fades with age as well. Many are not exactly eye candy either! So if they don’t look, it’s really not a great loss.

I always figured those who are only interested in looks are pretty shallow. That said everyone has their personal preferences, myself included. heheheh, guess that makes us all a bit shallow when you come right down to it!

@jca @gailcalled That may be. But the point would stand that girls of all ages (not just the older ladies), regardless of being ridiculously attractive… will feel insecure. Just apparently not all of them, lol.

@tedd – girls are usually under the age of 12, after that, teenagers and then women. And despite your probably having interviewed thousands or millions of the women in this world, it is still not good to generalize. Most women I know are not insecure about their looks or their position in life.

So, nope, sorry dude, the point would not stand.

@rooeytoo Uhh, the point was that women of all ages feel insecure. Not all women, women of all ages. Which I would say is certifiably true.

And apparently I’ve insulted you by calling all females girls. Oops.

I don’t know why you have to take such a combative tone when I’m just throwing in my opinion and experience on the matter.

@tedd: I think it may be because you keep arguing your point, by saying “Trust me I wish it were the other way around, but I have had many girls tell me about their insecurities.” Your emphasis on “many.” After that you keep insisting you’re right. I tried to give you an out by saying that in order to be accurate, thousands of women would have to do a confidential survey, but you still persist.

@jca Well yah originally I said that, but after having been corrected by multiple actual women in the thread, I changed my stance a few posts ago, saying that that may be, but my point of there being some women of all ages who feel that way would still be valid (as backed by my own experience).

Interesting. I will repeat my surprise because I find women of the age that seems to lose the interest of men to generally be pretty attractive. However, I work on a campus with thousands of young women and a few older women. I know I look at both, but I have to wonder if the percentage of older women I look at is smaller than the percentage of younger women.

There is a difference when it comes to who I would prefer to talk to. But I guess I only learn that when people actually talk to me. I don’t talk to any women randomly, old or young. I only talk to those who come to my office, and I find it easier to relate to older women.

The most recent one in my office was good looking, and a bit distracting because she kept leaning far forward and she had a low cut blouse. It was difficult to keep my eyes on her eyes some of the time, and when I did, I wondered if I was staring. She tended to look away when I looked in her eyes. Maybe she was leaning forward so she could keep her eyes on mine.

She was pretty good at hiding that she might have noticed if I was looking. However, I tend to believe women know exactly what they are doing. Maybe she was enjoying my attention, which was pretty safe since I am stuck in my professional role.

But there’s the thing. If it’s a young girl, then I’m a creep for looking. Does it change when she’s older? Maybe it is flattering when I’m older. She knows she can still have that effect? Also, it’s creepy to young women because I’ve got a big stomach and my nose hair always seems to grow faster than I can trim it. But older women may not care so much since maybe most of us guys this age have stomachs? Or maybe they don’t care about bodies so much as younger women do?

I wish I could read minds. Do you like me? Would you be interested in me if I were available? Do you not care about my stomach? Is my conversation attracting you? Do you show me your cleavage on purpose or are you somewhat innocent of doing that? Or have you sort of accidentally on purpose forgotten? Are you flirting subtly, overtly, or is your manner just flirtatious and it means nothing?

Do women wonder these things, too?

Me, it’s being blonde and having a fairly small but beautifully curvaceous frame, almost like Susan Sarandom from Rocky Horror but not as tall.. :D Also, it must be the blue eyes.

@wundayatta – you have almost 50,000 lurve, that means a lot of people like what you have to say. Don’t worry about whether they want your body or notice your gut. Once most women get past their teens they get a little smarter than a lot of men and look beneath the outward appearances. It’s more important at any age, but it takes some longer than others to realize it.

@thesparrow: Add to that list that you are extremely modest.

@jca I see it as a gift to be able to see yourself truly and not be ashamed to say it. I’ve been on the other side where you really mess yourself up by denying there’s anything good about you, such as, just for example, the fact that I have as much lurve as I do doesn’t mean anything other than I spend a lot of time here and am obsessive. Anyone who spent that much time would have as much, if not more lurve than I do. And no one can prove otherwise!

Isn’t modesty wonderful? And I just convinced myself that what I said is true. What’s the point of that?

I honor @thesparrow for being able to accept such things about herself. Her description sounds pretty hot. Of course, I’d have to see for myself to truly believe, but it doesn’t matter. The imagination is good enough.

@wundayatta Thank you. I’ve been watching my figure of late, too.