What should I do about my dad?

I take it you still live at home? For me, distance was a balm for my relationship with my mother. When you can, get your own place, and things will get better.

My track record on giving advice about family matters kind of blows, so just let me say he seems like he’s struggling with you transitioning to an independent person?

Sounds like your father just doesn’t see you as a woman even though you are. He sounds like he is very controlling and demands things be his way all the time.Sounds like my uncle

I agree with @syz. You need to either get your own place or deal with it. His house his rules. Sucks, but as long as he is paying the bills he gets a say.

Yeah, you will need to move out to get the freedom you want. He sounds like he has a fairly conservative view of what is acceptable behavior for you, and while you live in his house, you will have to oblige unfortunately, or things would probably get really bad. It’s possible even if you were 30 years old he still wouldn’t go for you sleeping over your boyfriend’s. Not sure, I don’t know your dad, but it sounds like he has some specific ideas of how young ladies should behave.

Your father is like mine. Growing up with someone that strict and controlling was difficult, but I learned to get along with my Dad by “not getting in his way”—-that is, whenever he got mad at me, I would not go against him, because doing so only worsened his anger and the situation. I knew that he was unchangeable and very old-fashioned, so I let him have his way most of the time. That worked until I finally got a job and moved out on my own. Then he couldn’t have his way anymore. I still respect and love him, but I live by my rules now. That’s my advice to you. Just go with the flow for now. I know that’s easier said than done, but for your own mental welfare it’s worth it. You are 20, so it probably won’t be long before you will establish your own independence. Good luck.

I have the same difficulty with both my parents, especially my dad. However, you situation is a bit different considering I just started college and you are already in your third year and I’m going to take it you live at home while I live 3 hours away across the border.

So, first off I like what @Judi and @JLeslie said about moving out. That is a must if you want to get some freedom. I also agree with @Judi along the lines of his house his rules. He sounds very protective like my father and wants the best for you. I can see how he would get mad at you staying overnight at your boyfriend’s, but the highlights is just a bit much to be mad at. My parents are very strict and I came home with a tattoo and yeah my dad was mad, but he got over it….and that is permanently on me not something that will grow out.

Every dad has their hopes and dreams for their son or daughter, he just wants you to do well, be safe, and make good choices (I’m sorry, I sound like my parents now! Freaky….). A lot of the reasons that my parents are strict though are because I made not so great decisions that ended me there. I dont know your story, but think about past decisions you have made in your life that may have led to your father being so protective. If I had been home on time more, called to tell where I was, etc, I’m sure my parents would have let me do a lot more. But you live and learn.

You’re dad may yell no matter what you say, because he believes he is right and that may just be how he is. My suggestion would be to prepare a little mental script in your head of what you want to say to him and some answers to questions he may ask. Calmly and i do mean CALMLY explain how you feel. Don’t play the blame game and say it’s all his fault you feel like this, just tell him you feel that he is being a bit too strict and you are a junior in college and feel you deserve a little more freedom.

Also, if he is paying for your college tuition and things like that it would probably be best to save up enough money to get a dorm or apartment and try to pay for your college by yourself. Then he can’t really hold the house rules card or anything like that over you. I know it’s expensive these days, but you can always get grants and financial aid.

I know I wrote a lot and if you read this all I hope it works for you and wasn’t a waste of time!

Here’s my take coming from a father of three and grandfather now of 11. Your dad may be too protective, but the operative word there is protective. Be thankful that your problems with your father are in the form if his wanting to protect you, not exploit you. He clearly loves you and wants what’s best for you. And I will be willing to bet the day will come when he will proudly walk you down the isle, and welcome a son-in-law into the family to take on some of the burden of protecting you from all those scary things that go bump in the night.

While 20 feels quite grown up when you hit it, you’re actually not an adult yet, and even when you hit 21, there is a great deal left to learn about life, the Universe and everything. My suggestion is to do your best to hold on to that love your father has for you. Ask him how he thinks you should proceed in searching for a good man “like him” who will love and honor, cherish and protect you. Perhaps he will reveal what he expects of a suitor He needs to be brought slowly to the realization that his little girl is growing up, and that growing up isn’t a bad thing.

Good luck.

Is he strict and controlling? Look at it from his point of view. His job since day one was to protect you, keep you safe, housed, and fed. No doubt a job he loved, since he stuck around and not abandoned you as many do to their kids. It is hard for him to see you as old as you are, because you are his daughter, and no matter how old you get, you will always be his little girl in his eyes and heart. He may not trust your b/f, because he is seeing him from the filter when he was young. Being at the gates so long, it is hard to tell an old soldier the wars is over, he can leave now.

You can invite him to lunch/dinner with your b/f and you both can tell him how you plan to build a life together, and ask him how he and your mother did it. He might see some similarities. It might be an eye opener.

You can try reverse psychology, though it might backfire, of pestering him with every little detail even if you know. To illustrate the point to him, that he can’t and don’t want to do everything. If you think he wants to control things, let him see how much he want to control buying bras and feminine products or talking to the pharmacist about female matters? I don’t think he will enjoy that much, and also see you are no longer a girl, but a woman.

You are college educated, get creative, think outside-the-box.