After a steamy night, do the guys usually do the follow up?

When I was young I played the games. Don’t appear overeager, wait three days etc. Now I’d say screw it, put my cards on the table and take my chances. If it was good I’d call the next morning. Or nudge you if it was really good.

I don’t like follow ups. Not the very next day at least.

@Adirondackwannabe Good insight from a gentleman!!! :) Well, I do like the guy to follow up. But how would the girl know if the guy was after just sex?

@Ayesha Are you a girl? :) I take it the girls usually don’t do the follow up after then…

@Londongirl You probably can’t tell at first. See how he treats you the person and go from there.

After a steamy night with me, I have to give the woman a three night minimum just to recover.

Stop following these stupid rules. Do what you feel.

@Londongirl Yes I’m a girl. I suppose anyone can do the follow up, there’s no rule. I just wouldn’t like one the very next day.

I always had or gave a follow up. The steamy nights always happened after I knew the person well and felt it would be worth it.

There was absolutely no 1 day, 2 day, 3 day, game involved. We wanted to see each other again – as soon as possible. After reading the other answers I must be very fortunate indeed.

@Adirondackwannabe True but it is difficult to tell if it was a casual fling or more…

@erichw1504 hahaha…. I trust that you are a very considerate guy!

@Simone_De_Beauvoir I know there shouldn’t be rules, but those signs are way to read the situation better though…

@worriedguy Sounds like you are a gentleman!

Say the girl slept with a guy didn’t know that well but the steamy night just went early. The girl didn’t stay over just went home after. So should the girl do the follow up or should wait for the guy to follow it up?

Take some time to “meditate” then call him after a few days. DOn’t rush into anything or you’ll look like you are very… [I’d rather not say]. Give him some time if you want to do the follow up.
Remember some guys forgot to do this. ^^

@Hibernate hahah ‘meditate’??? such a polite way to say ‘it’! Well, the girl wouldn’t want to look desperate really, but if the girl didn’t do follow up, usually the guy would right?

If it was that great then I think it’s fine for either person to follow up in interested. The most I would wait is three days, but I think that is too much. I don’t like to play by the rules. If I had a nice time, I’d probably say so and inquire about a future date. I’ve never had a guy wait to follow up. I’ve always known right away if there was going to be a repeat performance.

I’m all for “doing what I feel” and not playing games, calling if I like someone. However, the down side about not standing back and seeing what initiative the other person takes is that you never get to see if they have any initiative. There is an advantage to not calling and if the guy really likes you, he should make some effort.

If I were dating these days, I would not follow the rules. If I liked someone, she would know it right away. If she didn’t want to hear from me, then toodle-oo. I’m off. I need someone who has passion and who knows what she wants.

I think that at my age, the kind of woman I would like would also know what she wants. Sometimes I wonder if young women play more games. I’m sure they don’t know what they want. They are inexperienced. Besides, if I were 18 and a boy was interested in me, I’d be sure to take my time with someone so wet around the ears.

So I don’t know. Maybe it’s an age thing. The older you are, the more you know what you want and the more assertive you are about going after it. From what I know, a woman loves it when you show passion about her—unless she doesn’t really like you. Even then, though, she can be turned around when she sees just how passionate you are.

All I can say is that if I were to like you, you would know it. If I like you, you are the stars in the sky for me. A shooting star, I think, and I will do my best to catch you. That’s what I did with my wife, and it took a while, but she finally let herself be caught, and she is willing to love me though a lot of serious, serious problems.

Well in my experience there’s really two ways to look at this, and two types of women…

Either, they won’t sleep with you.. in which case there’s really no reason to ever speak with them again.

Or they will sleep with you.. in which case there’s really no reason to ever speak with them again.

@Ellis1919 Usually the guy would arrange the next meet next week or whatever. But sometimes it is hard to tell if the guy didn’t suggest to meet again when at departure. However, at departure, he was kissing and almost suggested another last go but didn’t really suggest to meet again though.

@jca Yeah, I think you are right, if a guy really likes the girl, he would call. Just that the girl didn’t stay over may give him some wrong signals?

@wundayatta Yeah, I like guys tell me right away if he likes me or not. Much better that way. But some guys are not that engaging starting from beginning, so you don’t really know if it was a casual fling or he would be interested in more… I really like your approach to girls about being direct and brave to get what you want!!!! :)

@tedd You confuse me… sorry… a bit philosophical really.. Are you saying it doesn’t matter if you sleep with or not sleep with the girl at all, you have no reason to ever speak with her again? But how do your girl know if you want more than just casual fling?

@Londongirl lol…. it’s a movie quote my dear

@tedd oh… sorry… which movie was it??? So what do you think though from a guy point of view my dear?

I keep going back to the same advice with you, @Londongirl, even though you never seem to accept it. By the time I get to a point of having sex with someone, there’s no doubt about the mutual interest. None. At. All.

And in that case the “follow up” is a daily (or however often we’ve agreed-upon) thing anyway – it’s just part of the normal check-in and converse or communicate with the loved one.

@Londongirl Waiting, a movie about waiters/waitresses at a restaurant…. Ryan Reynolds character, a womanizing guy who preys on “underage” girls, says the line.

In my experience, if there was a steamy night involved the girl typically stayed over. In which case there was that obvious interaction right there the next morning. As far as like the “waiting game” that I think you’re referring too… I will “try” to play it cool, because I know if I just call right away (or frequently) girls will turn the other way (you may laugh, but I’ve seen it in action).... So usually I’ll give it a day or two at least, unless she contacts me first.

@tedd Don’t remember the movie… but thanks for the insight! Well, he did suggest me to stay over before we met, when I decided to leave he said whether it was ok for me to go home that late and too far.. I said yes it was not problem, so I drove home. Yeah, I think the playing cool is good. But how would you feel if the girls do the follow up?

@CWOTUS I guess a traditional way of dating would be described as your saying.

Now that I think about it…I don’t think we ever parted without knowing when we would see each other again. Ever! Before reaching the car door we always set something up. It might be I’ll see you tomorrow or next Tuesday or whenever, but we always knew. And there was always a repeat.

I never had sex with anyone I did not want to see or be with.

@worriedguy Yes that would be normal circumstances if you have dated a person for a while first…

New in a relationship, the guy always did the follow up. Most of the time if we parted after the steaminess and went to our own homes, I’d get a “good night/great time” call or text. If not that evening then the next day, usually to set up another date.

@Neizvestnaya Thanks for the insightful information. Yeah, that would give some ideas on that. So it is normal you went to your own home when new in a relationship right? I guess if the guy didn’t do the follow up call/text he was after a fling then…

@Londongirl: That would be my guess. I wouldn’t want to date a guy I’d had sex with who couldn’t at least fire off a text to within 24hrs. No one’s that busy. In my book anyhow, sex is beyond just an initial date to see if you like each.

@Neizvestnaya The last guy he told me right after 1st date and everytime he would suggest the next meet. This guy is new and I know he’s busy. He has not been good with following up even before steamy night. I just thought now steamy night has done, he may well see it as casual fling if he didn’t follow up with a text really.

@Londongirl: Wait it out if you really really like the guy enough to allow he might be playing games. I really hate dating, I’m not a good source of being patient.

@Neizvestnaya Yeah thanks for the tip. I do like the guy, he’s quite nice and caring, but I don’t know if he’s a player but he wasn’t the kind of guy contacting often even before the night. I think nowadays many guys do play a bit of game… It is hard to tell.

@Londongirl You wrote “Yes that would be normal circumstances if you have dated a person for a while first…”
Maybe I am old fashioned, but I always had control of what was between my legs and where it went. I made sure I dated, and knew, the person a while before dipping my wick.
Silly me….I never jump in the water without checking for rocks first.

@worriedguy Yes in normal circumstances, but when a guy tried it on early of the relationship, then it is not easy to handle, if you refuse, he might think you are not interested, if you do he might just after casual fling. Nowadays, not many guys go for a long dating before getting the ‘wick’ business. Not the guys I’ve met in London for sure.

“Long dating” is not necessary . Two weeks and 3 outings, whichever is longer. You should spend at least 6 hours with each other doing something other than tongue wrestling before wrestling between the sheets. That is usually enough time to figure out if he/she: is worth talkiing to, is a psycho, has issues, has a drug problem, is employed, has anger issues.
Conversation first, then leg exercises.
If he does not want to do that, then he’s not worth it (Are you?)

@worriedguy Yes, 3 dates rule is my kind of thing too. Say we all have exchanged some basic information and I know where he lives and works. I trust he is a nice guy but whether he has other girl friends or see me as casual fling then that is another issue.

I prefer it if he do the follow up. I’m old school, but I have been known to push if I felt he was worth it. *Which was usually always a damn mistake of collosal porportions. *Hmmm, maybe the two are connected?

Maybe you should always let the guy follow up?

@GabrielsLamb Thanks and yes I’m old school too. I think it is best for guy to follow up too, I was asking to see if this is still common practise as I know a few girls at work they are more proactive with guys…. that is not me, but I want to know how much it has changed.

@Londongirl I think it has changed and not for the better because the above statement is very true. I don’t know if that is a coincidence or not? But it is true by event.

@Londongirl sometimes the guys forget or they don’t know what’s the perfect timming for it .. so you get the picture.

Maybe it’s just me but I never forget a steamy night. Is it so meaningless or are guys today just brain damaged?

@GabrielsLamb I do like the old fashion way though :)

@Hibernate Well, I think I will take some advice from you guys here to let him follow up. I think if a guy is keen, he will call and won’t forget.

@worriedguy True, nowadays I think it is hard to read guys as they have many options in London and easy laid is easy to find here sadly. For an old fashion girl I am, I usually wait for the guy to follow up. But as I mentioned earlier, you would be surprised that some girls I know they would be much more pro-active than me.