Are children who grew up with grandparents spoiled and distant from their families?

That’s quite a sweeping generalization there.

I’m having trouble understanding your situation. What, exactly, is the manner of growing up you’re referring to?

Her great-grandparents raised her. Man…it would be hard enough on grandparents but great grandparents? They must have loved you very, very much. You’re a very fortunate young woman. Wait…you meant grand parents who are great people…

@Aethelflaed Growing up with grandparents as an only child – later reunited with family. How that affects the family dynamic for that child and/or their siblings.

Do you mean great-grandparents or wonderful grandparents? There is a generation gap.

I guess I’m having a difficult time understanding why you would think that every person who is raised by their grand parents are going to have exactly the same outcome as you.

@Dutchess_III Yes I was!! They were wonderful!

@gailcalled Either…in my case it was great-grandparents (with the generation gap), but most of the time I hear about grandparents – I assume it’s the same situation.

I only knew one of my grandparents and she was one of the most evil human beings life ever spawned from the primordial ooze of the gene pool so…

I wouldn’t know? But in reading the description, I feel yours is a unique situation and one has little to do with the other

Why were you brought up with your grandparents, instead of with your parents and siblings? I would think that would have a lot to do with the dynamics.

We raised two grandchildren as well as our two. We have high morales and respect and this was taught to all four. When the grandchildren finally went back with their mother, they took with them all of the above. Their brother was raised with his mother and you can really tell the difference. It makes a big difference IF the grandparents are decent people.

@Dutchess_III I dont think they will…I have heard from others (on say, 3 or 4 different occasions) on a family dynamic like mine, and they all say exactly the same thing. It could be a coincidence, but I wanted other opinions on it. Like, have you seen the same type of thing happen? Just curious. Never really thought about it before the most recent conversation and the question popped in my head.

In general, there’s a stereotype about grandparents spoiling children. If the grandparents were maybe more well off or something, it could possibly produce such an attitude.

@Aethelflaed Let’s see if I can make this short…Great grandmother had Gma at 18, Mother’s mother was a natural “wild child” had her at 17 (along with 4 other children down the road). Great-grandparents raised my mother for a while. My mother was 21 when she had me, wasnt very “motherly”. My great grandparents & I had a great connection, I was with them most of the time anyway, my mother had 2 other children who would visit with their father so instead of being home m-f for school only (including holidays spent away), at 7 I just moved full time. Hope I explained that right…

@JTSTs2003 Well, I can see why your siblings don’t react well to you’re saying you were “raised in a better environment, with better morals and respect for people.” I mean, you’re basically telling them they are immoral and disrespectful people. In being grateful for your own environment, you’re insulting theirs (and that’s sort of not that respectful, so they may feel like what you’re saying is a load of bull).

I really have no idea how much of this has to do with being raised by your grandparents, where your siblings weren’t, because there’s just too small a sample pool.

@Aethelflaed Gotcha. That’s why I was so surprised when it finally dawned on me…all this time I thought my family was trashy (which was what I was warned about growing up)...but now I’m starting think “hhmmm…maybe it’s ME” lol

There is a stereotype about grandparents spoiling children, but I don’t think it would apply to grandparents raising grandchildren. The reason that most grandparents spoil their grandkids is because they don’t get to see them that often. Custodial grandparents would probably behave more like parents (i.e. stricter discipline).

As for the second half of your question, I imagine that a child in this situation might be distant from other relatives, just from not growing up with them and being exposed to them as much.

I concur with Lonelydragon.

What @lonelydragon said. I tend to “spoil” my grandkids more than I did my kids. I’ll buy them a bit of candy here and there, where I never bought candy on a whim for my kids. But I know I wouldn’t do that if I was raising them.

I know someone in the exact situation you describe, and yes, this description is accurate for that person. She wants nothing to do with the rest of her family, she feels like they have nothing in common, that their values are extremely different, and that.. well.. she’s better than them.
To be fair, I don’t assume this is true about everyone in this situation.. just happens to be true for the one that I know well.

If you were raised by your grandparents, chances are that the situation with your parents were somehow less than ideal.

You were removed from that environment and they had to grow up in it. In that sense, yes, you probably had it easier than they did.

Speaking in terms of better than isn’t going to help your relationship with them. It’s easy to pick up things from the people that raise you; their attitudes towards people and the phrases they use. It’s especially tricky in situations like this because there’s going to be a lot of tension within the family.

Don’t let the previous generations’ problems be your own. You should make your own (educated) decisions on what kind of relationship you want with your family. That can begin or end with the words that come out of your mouth.

Good luck!

@ANef_is_Enuf I think often times that’s been indoctrinated by those that raised them. Sometimes because of tension within the family and sometimes to comfort them. (eg It’s not that they don’t want you, but that they wanted a better life for you.) I think it’s more defense mechanism than anything else.

Sounds to me like you got lucky! Maybe when you’re older you can…forgive.

I was raised on a kind of time-share basis; my grandparents had me on weekends and school holidays, and my single mom had me during the week. Being an only child may have contributed to this effect, but I grew up more as a small adult than as a kid. I didn’t really play with the other kids in the neighborhood, because they weren’t interested in the same things (like they would have rather run around and hit each other than read books, like I preferred).

I don’t have siblings to compare with, but Mom definitely felt I was kind of stuck up. If that’s “spoiled,” so be it, but I think of “spoiled” as more like “bratty” and less like “first person in your family to go to college” and “one of the only kids in the trailer park to make it out before getting pregnant or having criminal record.”

I have two nephews and a niece who spend a lot of time here, with my family. In a way, my parents (their grandparents) help raise them. So do we (my sister’s remaining siblings who live at home). They are wonderful children and I don’t think they are cold at all. Quite the opposite. They are very loving, understanding, and open-minded. They care about people and other people’s opinions. My sister’s daughter is the oldest child, and, even though she is only 4, she asked her 3 year older brother something like “How do you feel about your balloon popping?” recently after hers popped. Then she told him hers popped, too. The two of them both love their 1 year old brother and they all enjoy seeing pictures of their cousins and spending time with them. If anything, I think them spending time here has helped them be very empathetic people and shaped them into good people who care about and look out for others. We love all of our other nieces and nephews, but we don’t spend as much time with them because they don’t come here as often. I really hope my other nieces and nephews don’t give my sister’s children a hard time when they all grow up. Now, things seem fine and they seem happy to see each other when they do.