[NSFW] Have you been involved in a hookup that turned into a relationship?

Very good question! :)

So it is normal nowadays to have hook ups first then possibly turn into a relationship then? So it is not all hopeless to hook up too early?

Well, if I sleep with a guy it means I like him enough to have a relationship with him. So I will wait for him to make the move. It is very difficult to tell if he wants a relationship with me though…I think it would be better if the guy asks me directly to be in a relationship so that I know where we are though… otherwise it can go on the guessing forever and potentially create a lot of misunderstanding… any ideas?

Sorry I’m asking questions to your questions.. lol ;)

Yeah, about a year ago, I met her at a club. First, it was casual sex. I would ask her to come over, we had fun, then she left. We talked for a few minutes, but it was just to make it less awkward. Soon, she would start laying there a little longer after, and we talked more.

Next, she started sleeping there and leaving in the morning. Then, we started meeting at the bars and clubs and went home together.

Next of course, is her telling me she wants to be exclusive because she likes me a lot. I said I liked her too, but stressed I didn’t want any pressure or immediate change. Needless to say this was a dumb idea and I should have ended it there, but at the time I thought I really liked her and didn’t see a problem being with just her.

Then I met someone else, so I broke it off months later. Sue me. I learned we weren’t compatible beyond sex, anyway.

@Blackberry Out of curiosity, in what way you find her not compatible? And did you stay friend after you told her you weren’t ready for exclusive?

@Londongirl We cared about different things. She didn’t seem to care about much besides accessories and work drama. It was an amicable separation, but we don’t talk anymore.

@Blackberry what then would you be looking for, in terms of compatibility, that would take a hookup to a relationship?

@Kato Compatibility is different for everyone, but I look for someone with motivation and passion for something they feel strongly about, even if it’s something I may not agree with. This woman was different because she didn’t seem to care much about anything.

@Blackberry Well, did you spend enough time to know her though? I think sometimes some people take a while to show you who they are. At the beginning, I also talk more about work or non-important issues as you don’t want to get too heavy at the beginning… what kind of passion do you have in things?

No…

@Londongirl 5 or 6 months. That was enough, and I saw enough in that time.

@Blackberry OK it is good length of time to know… or may be you are not that into her afterall… :) Everyone has their passion may it be accessories or work, they are passion too. ;)

Wait, I’m confused. If “hookup” means “one-night stand”, then how would there be a progression of sexual intimacy in the relationship? I mean, I guess maybe if your hookup only included PIV intercourse, you could add anal…?

@Aethelflaed Sorry what is PIV intercourse????

@Londongirl Penis-in-Vagina.

@Aethelflaed Oh my bad… hahaha…So is it normal to have anal nowadays?

@Londongirl I don’t know. Normal’s such a relative term.

Yes, it went immediately from hookup to a relationship that lasted about 3 yrs. In retrospect, I could have done without that one. Aside from that, if I had sex with someone just because I wanted to have sex with them, I didn’t expect a relationship to form even if I wanted the “hookups” to continue on a bit.

@Neizvestnaya Why you don’t allow a relationship to form from ‘hookups’?

@Londongirl: Because they were more lustful encounters concerned with body/sex and not the person in general. Trust me, if a person I deemed of quality had been in that small group of hookup, I would have made the attempt. Having said that, I also have had to concede when I realized a person I was excited over and wanted to be more than a hookup didn’t feel the same about me.

I’m a stubborn person, I learn the hard way and it took me about 6mos. to “get over” a few people in my life. Thing is, when you find a good match and you both want relationships at that time, it feels like all the missed connections of your pasts flit away and you don’t mull over the time spent beating the dead horse anymore.

@Neizvestnaya I just think some ‘hookup’ may also develop into a relationship considering the attributes are there. It takes me a few months to get over past relationships too… I am slow to open up myself but I’m open to have intimate encounter when the chemistry is right at early stage, but definitely not on first date!

Yes. But only a friendship nothing else.

According to the researcher who presented this information, college kids (the population she studied) consider a hookup to be anything from snogging to varioius forms of penetration. Anal does occur, but only in a very small number of cases. Snogging and intercourse accounted for a large majority of hookups and hand and oral sex made up most of the rest. Snogging and intercourse happened equally often; hand and oral sex also happened equally often, but at less than half the rate of the main forms of hooking up.

Most hook ups happened with people who already knew each other. A significant portion (I don’t remember exactly) lead to further hookups, usually with increasingly more types of sexual activity and also with increasing rates of orgasm. If people lasted to six or seven hook-ups, they often had “the talk” in which they decided they were boyfriends and girlfriends, or in an “official” relationship worthy of changing their Facebook status.

In early stages, men had most of the orgasms, but both men and women said they were equally satisfied with the hook-up. The further along they got, more more prevalent female orgasms became and by the seventh hook-up, men and women reported orgasming at about the same rate.

Equal numbers of people ended up in official relationships starting either with hook ups or with standard dating.

It was all pretty interesting. The population studied were college students in large classes like sociology intro classes. They came from some 20 or more campuses in the US. They were surveyed online, and were given extra credit for filling out the survey. The results are not generalizable. But there is reason to believe they are reflective of the college age population in the US.