How does one end an on-line relationship?

How do you know they haven’t passed away?

Send her one more email telling her that you’re breaking off if she doesn’t answer, wait a month, and then call it done.

I think you pretty much have your answer. If someone doesn’t respond in a month they don’t want to be bothered. You know, in the very least you aren’t being led on. I can tell you stories of people who DO continue correspondence… I would rather they didn’t, and the one’s you want to call don’t.

Just call it quits, why drag it out for closure? Will it really make you feel better to hear in words that she doesn’t want to speak to you anymore or are you hoping it will go on if she does respond after an entire month?

I don’t honestly see your need for closure on something that is obvously closed. It is still under your control if you choose not to continue, if you open channels again you give room for nothing more than excuses for her having been not much more than rude.

Just let it go honey… You’ll find someone else. Be lucky that you have that opportunity in life. Not everyone does you know.

That would make me crazy, too. I even hate it when someone quits here, and doesn’t tell me what’s going on. If nothing happened to precipitate the ‘end’, I’d wonder if she were ill, in prison, or dead. If you’re certain that it’s not any of those cases, I think I’d be inclined to just let it go. It would still bug the crap out of me, though. I like closure, too!

It’s RUDE is what it is! *Sorry but it is.

@GabrielsLamb no it’s not rude. He wants a real closure. How would you feel if one friend of yours would not talk to you anymore without telling you why? He doesn’t want explanations he just want peace of mind :P
@LostInParadise go for it. Don’t forget to add you are sorry for the end of this relationship… your friends will serve you long way, acquaintances will fade… your friends won’t do you wrong.

@Hibernate I think that @GabrielsLamb meant that the friend who quit replying to his emails is being rude…

I don’t think there is any harm in sending a message like that. I would wonder if something happened, maybe a house fire or an illness, or some kind of tragedy.. that is preventing your friend from responding. Definitely keep it polite, just in case.

Oh. Might be that. I just woke up, I’m still a bit dizzy. Anyway above me was someone who suggested she might be dead .. or if she’s like me .. she might forget the email password and stop using it because she cannot check that email .. I lost several accounts because of the auto password manager ^^

I would want to know what is going on and would send an e-mail inquiring.

I can certainly relate to your pain, @LostInParadise. I have an extraordinary need for “closure,” but I’ve also come to question my ability to recognize closure. I think what I’m really after is an ending that is more palatable to me, closure be damned.

It’s certainly possible that technical difficulties have gotten in the way of regular communication from her, but truly, how hard it is to find alternative methods of communication if one really has a desire to connect? And, she might have had some health issues.

While there is no harm, per se, in trying one more time to communicate, her failure to respond might frustrate you further. If she resumes communication at some point, that’s your open door to ask questions and possibly terminate the relationship on your terms – or at least on terms that seem more balanced.

I think you plan sounds like a fine one.

@Hibernate No no no… Not HIM,

SHE is the rude one!!! He is just a nice person getting the bad end of the deal here.

*Thanks @ANef_is_Enuf

You rock & roll honey!

Hi XXXXXXX,

It’s been a year and I’ve been thinking about you. How are you? Are you ok?

There was no response. I would not say things like “it was an act of cowardice” or that you don’t expect an answer. You want and answer, and you also want to express your anger no matter what you say. You would never say “cowardice” if you weren’t angry. That’s a passive aggressive word.

You want closure and I truly understand that. To this day I do not understand why my friend just disappeared. I think about checking in again to see if she might reply. Maybe I will at some point. Fifth anniversary, if I remember.

But I don’t think anything will be forthcoming. People do things for their own reasons. She was having a difficult time. I am a difficult person to deal with. I wouldn’t blame anyone for not wanting to have anything to do with me.

So she’s gone. Nothing I can do. If she has remained silent this long, it seems clear she has no need for closure. She is gone forever.

I have been in this situation and so I know how you feel. I hate the state of limbo it leaves you in. It would be preferable to be told and perhaps given some excuse than to be left hanging in this way. Perhaps the intention was to tell you some day but time just ran on until it no longer seemed necessary. It is cowardly. A formal email accepting that the relationship has run its course could do no harm and would give closure. Such is life.

When I first started chatting (oh so, so many years ago), I didn’t really get how superficial the whole thing can be. I started talking to this guy in the US and we became really good friends. Totally platonic, but we talked just about every day. Then nothing. I was really worried about him. I kept writing every few days. I just had the strongest feeling something was not right. After a few weeks (I can’t remember how long exactly, this was years ago), he wrote to me and said he suffered from depression and had been in a hospital. He had had a breakdown of some type. He was very touched that I had cared and said it had lifted his spirits to find my emails when he got home.

So, if you feel this is out of character for your friend, just keep dropping her a line to see if she is okay. I doubt I would do this now. I think I have been jaded but I would probably try a few times and give up these days.

@Bellatrix Yes – I used to think they meant much more than they seem to and have gotten burnt.

Update – Following @wundayatta‘s suggestion, I kept it short and sweet – no criticisms, no requests. I said I was grateful for the correspondence that we had and that I understood that things have come to an end. My justification for writing was that, given the importance that the relationship once had, I did not want to let it slip without saying anything. In summary, thank you and good-bye.

I feel better for it. I think I achieved closure without acting like a jerk
.

Good for you @LostInParadise.
I had a similar situation where somebody of “vital” importance in my life slipped away and I felt lost and abandoned until I took the initiative to write a closure note. Life moved on without the worry and obsession (I never did get a response) and I was able to go on to better and happier things.