[Potentially NSFW] What is so upsetting about being hit on or flirted with by someone of the same sex?

Just thinking about another man wanting them is enough to rile up some hetero men. I don’t think I have to repeat myself on this one. Some people are just pansies.

But why?

I wouldn’t mind it. What’s wrong with someone liking you? It’s not offensive in any way.

Shit, I take it as a compliment. ;)

Plus, if they are hitting on you, it means you have attracted them in some way. Doesn’t everyone like being attractive?

The truth is there are a lot of people out there who see homosexuality as a sin and something despicable so they just don’t want any exposure to it. I think it’s that simple in some cases.

It wouldn’t bother me. As with women, men have also written to me as a result of reading my erotic stories and have invited me to “play” with them. One or two were rather insistent even. I told them I’m flattered and thanks for asking, but I’m straight.

@mazingerz88 I think it’s a sin, however I’m not willing to take an unreasonable next step and dislike or hate the person because of it. (prepares to be hated for having an opinion that doesn’t fit the norm)

@ANef_is_Enuf When I was a dumb pre-teen, I thought homosexuality was gross. But I was teen, I didn’t know anything. All I knew was that men/men and women/women (although women weren’t as gross) were doing it and it grossed me out. That’s all there was too it. There are some people that think because there’s a penis and vagina, that’s the way it should be. That whole “Circle peg goes in the circle hole” non sense.

There are some people that do not understand the complexity of life.

I don’t usually mind it, however one woman just would not take NO for an answer. I was single at the time, but she was in a relationship. She still wouldn’t leave me alone, and refused to believe that I was straight.

@GracieT I think that kind of pushy attitude can be aggravating from anyone when you’re not interested.

@digitalimpression I’m pretty sure that is not so far from the ‘norm.’

There is no harm other than it knocks a straight person off canter and takes them out of their comfort zone, it makes them have associative thoughts that they might not like, that they in turn rather than accept, project back onto the person flirting in a negative manner.

There are rules of engagement between men and women in any sexually charged or potentially sexual exchange; they follow rules and both parties knows or understands their prospective positioning.

When the same sex thing turns up, the one being flirted with instantly loses their prowess and power and it makes people feel insecure and vulnerable that is NOT sexy. It is fearful and that almost always turns ugly when and where the individual is not self secure and knows who they are.

@ANef_is_Enuf This is a brilliant question!

@GabrielsLamb thanks. I actually got my thoughts all jumbled and worded it all wrong, I was still thinking of the conversation from another thread, and didn’t realize until it was too late to edit. Seems it made enough sense in the long run, though. I really am curious.

I’ve been flirted with by a guy. It didn’t bother me. In fact, it flattered me.

On the other hand, this dude did this corny lip-licking thing toward me as I walked out of the gym last week, and I was ticked off b/c he was just plain being indecent.

I think the majority of men take it a bit harder than the majority of women.

I remember a man I once knew taking great offense at being called “ambiguous.”

Which I find very beautiful, I meant it as a total compliment and he took it as the greatest of insults

I find it flattering.

I worded my question very poorly. I was thinking one thing, and writing another. I had intended to understand why it is so traditionally distressing to find out that you’re flirting with someone in drag, or someone who is transgender. Or that they are flirting with you, without disclosing their biological sex… and how that is any different from anything else someone might be concealing, like a push-up bra or abstinence. It seems that many people here are comfortable receiving attention from someone that they wouldn’t choose to sleep with… so why is it different from any other example I provided?

I’m sleep deprived, I had an eventful night. Maybe I should scrap this and start over.

Just ask the question you originally intended to another day…

@ANef_is_Enuf Perhaps it is the norm overall (in real life) .. however, I’ve received quite a bit of flack for my views on fluther.

As a homosexual, there is nothing that bothers me about a girl pursuing me. I mean, if it goes too far I will have to let them know I’m not going to be interested but for me it’s no different than anyone else I’m not interested in pursuing me. It’s flattering, but it’s not going to go anywhere.

Assuming the person being hit on is straight it really shouldn’t be any more or less upsetting than being hit on by members of the opposite sex they aren’t in to. Maybe they just need more practice to get comfortable at disentangling themselves from unwanted same-sex flirting.

The solution is clearly more flirting all around.

I am with @DominicX. Regardless of the other person’s gender, if I am not interested, I let them know that (typically in a gentle fashion). Gender has little to do with unwanted attention. There are also days that attention (regardless of gender) is welcome.

As for finding someone attractive and later discovering that they are transgendered, it would totally depend on the situation. I can completely understand someone who has corrected their birth defect and now are the appropriate gender to match their brain not even bringing it up. I would hope that our friendship would involve a level of trust that such a transformational experience would be brought up eventually just because the challenges and trials of the situation would likely explain the thoughts and views of the individual in the present. Just because someone doesn’t blurt it out on a first date, I would not think that was deceptive. It is very personal information that would require a trust before sharing.

I asked a similar question awhile back, as I was curious about why a homosexual man hitting on me made me uncomfortable, while I am a strong advocate of equal rights for homosexuals and have a lot of family who have come out.

I received some offline advice via PM by a woman who I believe to be homosexual, that seemed to make a lot of sense when discussing this phenomenon and men.

Men are often less subtle, and a little rude about it when you respond with a polite disinterest, whether they are flirting with a man or a woman.

I cannot speak to the female side of things.

I can’t say that I would consider it a big deal. I would just say to them ‘no homo’ and go about my business.

I would be upset because I would interpret it as either I’m dressed “wrong” (dressed like a homo), or that I’m acting in a way that’s “wrong” (acting like a homo), to me. Note that my usage of “wrong” is completely subjective to my perspective. I don’t believe that gays should be isolated and forbidden or anything of the sort.

My god, Neffie, get with the program – because they think the gay will rub off on them and they’ll NEVER get into heaven!

Oh. Why didn’t you just say so. ;P

@ANef_is_Enuf I do! I’m all like ‘here, have some of my gay’.

If it some dude hitting on me it is more annoying because it is like offering me wax fruit that I would not in any way want to eat no matter how hungry I was. With some drunken lush, it is as if the fruit is real, just too rotten, or stale to eat. If I were starving, or she was the last woman on Earth, I could at least still get sex.

@Simone_De_Beauvoir that’s so generous of you. Don’t mind if I do.

“What is so upsetting about being hit on or flirted with by someone of the same sex?” Nothing inherently. But if they are rude or annoying or bothersome or tedious or not getting the message that you’re not interested than…they should really be told to piss off.
I don’t know if you can ever assume that a person is not going to rape you, I assumed that once with a gay “friend” and he tried to. Lame.

“What is the harm in being pursued by someone of the same sex?” Nothing inherently, just it can get annoying. If it is done in a flattering, charming way…. cool beans. Same as being pursued by anyone else. Some women who flirt at me or hit on me give me the serious creeps.

A padded bra is not disturbing to me, except if it means the woman has self esteem issues. Saving her virginity for marriage would be a turn off because of the whole I’m-not-religious thing. Some unforgivable quirk would mean that I’d just not be interested, no harm done. A bedroom overloaded with stuffed teddy bears wouldn’t be an immediate deal breaker.

But the whole hypothetical, “Maybe you’re in a very dimly lit room and when you step into the light you realize the cute person you were just talking to is not nearly as attractive as you first thought,” isn’t the same as being hit on or flirted with by someone of the same sex. Apples and oranges luv. For the likes of me at least.

“Why is it perceived as a deception or sometimes perceived as more ominous than a deception, simply because a person has sex organs that you prefer not to have sex with?” I don’t get the deception bit here at all. ???

“There are countless reasons that a flirtation never makes it to the bedroom, so why is this issue more significant than any other reason that two people may not be compatible?” It’s not significant to me, however virgin girl stands much more of a chance with me than a super hot dude. Just isn’t my thing. I’m not offended, just isn’t my deal. I’m comfortable with my sexuality, I just happen to be very much hetro. Not hetro normative per se.

These aren’t really my breasts by the way.

Bottom line :D if a gay man hits on me that’s usually flattering and nice. But if he is a creep about it, then it’s creepy. Men are can be really dumb pricks when it comes to flirting though, straight or gay. Just sayin’

@ANef_is_Enuf What is the deception bit about, that really confuses me, what do you mean deception?

G-sauce this is far too long to be read by anyone dammit. Summary: It’s no big deal for me.

If a female hits on me, I don’t run for cover, generally I just say thanks… just as I would to a male I don’t know..

It doesn’t bother me at all unless they’re creepy about, just as I would if a male hit on me in a creepy manner…..

@everephebe above I mentioned that I screwed up my own question, because I am sleep deprived and scatterbrained.
The deception thing had to do with another discussion elsewhere on the site, in regards to flirting with someone transgender or in drag and feeling deceived if they don’t immediately tell you what their genitals look like… which was what I meant to ask, but I made a mess.
Sorry about that. GA, though.

@ANef_is_Enuf That particular ‘that heinous devil with this PENIS tried to TRICK me’ is such a tired thing to say.

@ANef_is_Enuf Ah I see, sorry I missed that bit. Cheers. If Antony Hegarty hit on me I’d be massively flattered. Plus I might go gay for Stephen Fry, ok not really but I’d be his nude pool boy. :D If someone transgender or in drag flirted with me and we hit it off it would be a shock but I wouldn’t be too disappointed. I’d just be really impressed, and turn them down very gracefully. Not my thing but if they could fool me, than they must be beautiful and I’d tell them that.

LOL!
@Simone Can you just put some of your gay in a tupperware bowl so I can have it later?

Fear of attribution by association. If gay Guy A hits on straight Guy B, Guy B worries that other people might think that he is also gay, and he’d rather be on the messy side of a car accident than to be gay, or thought to be gay.

In terms of evolutionary psychology (which I like to BS with because it’s like shooting fish in a barrel), B’s worry is that A’s interest will be enough to isolate him from female attention, locking him out of the gene pool.
I suppose that an evolutionary psychologist could argue that aversion to homosexuality is also this, since it all comes back to reproduction with them.

I am amused at how so many people here are making a show of how little they aren’t afraid of being hit on by people of the same sex.

@Blackberry All of my gay is in the frizzer, or as it’s known in my house, “the happy place.”
(<= has been drinking…)

@Blackberry What you do with my gay is up to you, love. I ain’t judging.

This conversation makes me smile.

@Nullo I am thinking over your comments, and wondering how that would apply to persons in other cultures. I was under the impression that in some militaristic cultures, say the ancient Spartans, homosexual relationships with younger/older men were the norm.

How do you think that would play out in those cultures? (not an argumentative question, I am asking out of curiosity).

@Imadethisupwithnoforethought We can not place homosexuality as such onto ancient cultures, especially that of Spartans. They did not define sexuality based on object choice or sex acts. They had no notion of sexuality, only notion of status. Those who were citizens with status could sleep with anyone of any gender, etc. This did not make them gay or straight, this made them powerful.

@Imadethisupwithnoforethought I was under the impression that that was a Greek thing and not a militaristic culture thing. Certainly, there’s a degree of cultural conditioning. The conditioning is present in our own information channels, if you look for it. Just another front in the Great Culture War.
Don’t strain yourself on the second part; that’s more for my own amusement than anything else. I have the lowest respect for evolutionary psychology.

thanks folks

Link to a pair of boobs nipple and all and no NSFW, insteresting….....

NSFW is in the subject of the question. The NSFW content has to be in the body, not the title. Not the actual NSFW label. The title of the question has to be SFW.

Oh come on @Hypocrisy_Central it’s the wikipedia article for breast, pretty tame as far as mammary glands go. I may have provided what the title of this thread suggested, the potential of NSFW, but it was hardly potent. Although it may be technically considered potable, as it is “the breast of a pregnant woman.” How much more innocent can you get?

I personally don’t find it upsetting at all. If someone hits on me (and is respectful) I’m not offended, regardless of their sex. I might not be attracted to them, but I surely wouldn’t be resentful just because they’re the same sex.

It wouldn’t offend me at all.

@everephebe Oh come on @Hypocrisy_Central it’s the wikipedia article for breast,………“the breast of a pregnant woman.” How much more innocent can you get? I am not saying you should not have done it, it was interesting to me that I linked to a pic of a woman in a tiny bikini, no bits or nipple showing and someone flagged me as obscene. It was found on Yahoo search or Flickr where any 10yr old could get to. It is interesting how offense shifts with the tide, that was all, not that you were wrong to do it. Sometimes the point can’t be properly made without the visuals.

If someone flirts with me who I personally don’t find attractive, i’m not going to respond in kind, regardless of their sexuality.

There’s absolutely nothing wrong! I actually find it very enjoyable. I mean it implies good stuff right. That someone obviously thinks you’re good looking or pretty. Plus what’s so horrible about people being attracted to you? Be it the same sex even!!

I’m gay, and I don’t find it offensive when guys hit on me. I find it offensive after I have already turned them down and they keep at it like I’m going to change my mind..

I think what they find unsettling is how it challenges the structure they’re familiar with. While there isn’t anything remotely wrong with it, it still has great potential to be awkward to deal with, and if the person is already awkward around the opposite sex… Assuming they aren’t simply homophobic (which is an unfortunate possibility), they probably just don’t know how they should react in such a situation and merely fumble through it. I know I’d feel bad turning somebody down because they’re not the gender which I’m attracted, but I’d be taken aback nonetheless and be unawares as to how I should respond to such an occurrence.

It feels the same no matter. Nothing wrong about it from either team.