Why can't I just be myself without being a doormat?

You’re reaching out for an ex that doesn’t want you and you are latching onto any event in order to try and get her to react to you. That’s not being a doormat, that being masochistic.

Stop offering yourself as a friend when she doesn’t want your friendship and you won’t be disappointed in her ingratitude any longer. The more time you waste wondering why she won’t have to do with you, the more other girls will stay away from you, good ones too.

It’s hard to be sure about people and their relationships when you don’t really know them but there may not be anything wrong with you at all. You seem to still have feelings for your ex, even if she ended the relationship. It isn’t necessarily “right” to simply hate her and not care about her, just because she left you. How long has she been your ex? It might just be a matter of time before you can distance yourself and put things in balance. To still care about someone with whom you had a relationship doesn’t necessarily make you a doormat, I don’t think.

I wasn’t latching on for anything. I didn’t even realize she did nothing for me until a friend asked and pointed it out. Shit like that hits me way later. Besides, girls are the last thing on my mind. She didn’t have to come over here and cry on me, she could have gone to where she is staying, but she came by because she wanted to. I told her I was fine.

I’m so sorry to hear about your cat. :(

Doesn’t seem like you were being a doormat. Seems like you were supportive of a person for whom you have feelings, all bets are off then, you know? Sorry about your day and her day and all that.

If you are not appreciated, why waste your time when you could find someone to match your love and exuberance for each other?

We used to until DEAD STOP on Sept. 23, 2011. She completely changed. She cried all over me and then got bitchy and left. This is not the person I met. She is completely oblivious to other people’s feelings.

This is a mix of stuff, including your feeling obliged to share the loss of a mutual pet.

That was kind and decent of you. Expecting her to reciprocate is apparently folly.

And it’s probably healthy that you got out of that relationship. @Paradox1 is right move on and find someone else who will be kind to you.

Not expecting, pointed out and then it sunk in and hurt. Why do I not deserve empathy at all for the loss of my boy? Not saying my train of thought is right or wrong, just feel like I was just used without knowing it until after the fact. I do deserve better than nothing at all.

Your looking for your empathy in the wrong place. Your using a common point (Cats) to try to make a connection (Not intentional though). It may take some time but you need to try to distance yourself from her. Your going through the same thing a drug user goes through when they first quit, withdrawal syndrome. Like someone already said, the more time you waste trying to be her friend, the more people will look at you like your a social inept. I went through the same thing with the girl that I loved when I found out she was engaged. There’s a ton of different places where you can get the empathy for your loss. I suggest you go volunteer for a weekend at a local shelter, let your emotions flow when you get to help a homeless kitten/cat.

Firstly, I am really sorry to hear about Chester. Don’t let yourself get distracted from the primary issue, which is one of the loss of the cat you love.

You are describing classic self-destructive behavior; it seems, from what you have shared with us, that you have a pattern of this.

I suggest that you get some professional help to learn the tools, techniques and warning signals in order to deal in the future. Many of us on fluther have had couselling (including me) and found it to be life-saving.

You have let yourself be used, and only you can learn how to prevent it from happening again.

Thinking, “Why does she do this to me,” or “Why does she treat me like this,” or “Why isn’t she nicer or more loving” are useless questions.

@spykenij – If there’s no doormat…then there may be a chance to be and think like a door knocker. Think about that.

It sounds like she is the “victim” and you are the “rescuer” in this scenario an honestly this is a game she is playing and will continue to play. Watch the movie Yes, But… and perhaps you may find you way out of this situation in the future.

Because given the opportunity people will always gravitate to an average low given the IQ of the rest of the room.