Obviously makeshift boards as ramps is no solution as it’s just way too dangerous.
However, due to my experience with a close friend of mine who is totally wheelchair bound, there is something I find puzzling.
You use the phrase “force him to endure being yanked up stairs by total strangers.”
Of course you shouldn’t force anything on anyone. But an inquisitive open discussion is different. And I’m puzzled why that option is totally off the table.
Has your husband expressed to you his discomfort at having him in his chair (not separately) carried (not yanked) up the stairs? Or is this your interpretation?
The reason I ask is because this is what my friend Terry would usually do. Obviously when going out to dinner we chose ramp accessible restaurants all the time.
But the first time I invited him to a party at my apt. in Phila. This was my biggest concern.
He was extremely independent and always drove himself everywhere and had his whole system for getting himself and his chair in and out of his Range Rover firmly established. Anyone trying to help him with it would just be getting in the way so he explained the first time I offered help.
But narrow row houses with steep stairs are ubiquitous in Center City Phila. Even if one had a ramp, there was scarcely room to put it.
So when I opened up the discussion about it, he just assured me not to worry about it, he would manage just fine.
He explained that he has to navigate steps all the time all over the city. There are usually a few strong guys who don’t mind helping out. As long as there’s one for each side of the chair and somebody else to hold the door, I’ll tell them exactly what to do he said. Just let me handle it.
And that’s exactly what he did. There wasn’t any yanking involved at all. And they were total strangers to him. He directed the whole thing without a hitch. And does it all the time when there’s no other way. To him it was just his reality. A necessity of life that he was used to dealing with in a city full of row houses.
He was also a very social guy and he told me that once he went through his moping helpless years immediately following his accident, he realized that if he didn’t take charge and make things happen, then nothing would ever happen.so he figured it out.
Getting people to carry him in his chair up stairs was just a fact of life to be dealt with.
I don’t know if he had some mystery method so people wouldn’t yank him or drop him or not. It didn’t seem like it. With the help of a couple of very willing husky guys and his affable nature it just went smoothly.
I’ve also heard John Hockenbury, a wheelchair-bound journalist who traveled all over (even third world nations) with limited access speak to the challenges of getting around.
His opinion was that even in the most primitive nations and even out in the bush, people in those areas had a much more accepting and natural attitude about dealing with people in wheelchairs. There was an overwhelming spirit of everybody being willing to cheerfully help out and all pitch in to get the job done. No awkwardness and he seldom had to ask for help since it was offered before he had a chance to open his mouth. And it just wasn’t that big a deal.
He and his chair got carried in plenty of places where there just wasn’t any other way. And he was fine with that even tho it would have been far easier to just work at the station in NY where he could go back and forth from his fully accessible apt to his fully accessible workplace, restaurants, etc.
But he wanted to travel the world. So he was willing to get carried where necessary and push himself around by brute force the rest of the time.
He didn’t use a motorized chair and neither did my friend Terry because they’re simply too heavy to allow for much flexibility.
Does your hubby have a motorized chair or a regular one? I’m certainly no expert on disability issues but have had a little bit of firsthand experience with Terry and another friend of mine.
So I guess I’m a little bit puzzled as to why being carried upstairs in ones chair is so completely out of the question. Has there been a previous bad or painful experience with that or what?
I’m honestly not trying to oversimplify things cuz I realize how difficult it is to deal with a disability in hundreds of little ways that most of us are unaware.
It just seems like a shame for such a social guy to have to be this isolated when there are usually willing hands to be found when there are stairs but no ramps.
Of course figuring out a way for ramps to be feasible is ideal but sometimes it’s just not possible. Cost is a major factor.
I’m not saying your husband should HAVE TO or be forced to have him and his chair carried. No one should be forced to do anything they truly don’t want to. I’m just curious as to why he or you are apparently so strongly opposed.