Is it possible to have a whole conversation in idioms?

There are probably more conversational idioms than there’s bugs in the jungle.
Some folks might find a conversation like that as useful as a screen door on a submarine or as satisfying as frosting on the gravy.

Creative idioms can help, but most of them are as useless as tits on a bull dyke.

Damn it, this is hard. Lol.

You never know. How’re they hangin’?

I was tickled pink when recent episodes of Archer packed in more idioms than you could shake a stick at…much to the annoyance of Sterling’s unlucky companions, several of which were bleeding like a stuck pig and just wishing he would cut the crap and get down to brass tacks before the whole thing went to hell in hand basket.

If anyone’s chomping at the bit to see the episodes (because clearly I can’t keep my trap shut about them) it was Part 2 & 3 of Heart of Archness. But you probably ought to make sure to have your ducks in a row watch Part 1 first. Missing the first bit would be dumber than a box of hair.

This conversation has me as excited as a two-peckered billy goat.

I believe that is a normal conversation in parts of the deep south no?

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=VIDgac7tSD8&feature=related

@GabrielsLamb Usually around a pickup truck, while sipping Bud. About exciting as watching paint dry.

@Blackberry I love that kinda talk, it’s more precious than a…

*Yeah, I got nuthin.

This is a much fun as I’ve had in…........... a month of Sundays.

@GabrielsLamb Pardon my french, but I don’t know what the fuck you’re talking about. What’s a normal part of conversation in the deep south? Goats? I’ll have none of you Johnny-come-latelies explaining southernisms to me when we’ve got real dyed in the wool southerners right here on fluther. Where’s that Fiddle Playing Creole Bastard?

Come on jellies. Step up to the plate. I expect you to be busier than a one-legged man in a ass-kicking contest.

@fundevogel I apologize, resorting to immature regional quips is about as helpful as a being thrown a bag of sand in the desert.

You’re all crazier than shit-house rats!

@Blackberry Apology accepted. Honestly I kinda few off the handle there. In my defense I’m on the rag. But hey, at least I’m not in a family way.

I saw more skin at last night’s nekked pancake party than there is in Hugh Hefner’s bedroom.

@fundevogel Why do I assume everyone on the internet is a man? Lol.

I got up on the wrong side of the bed this morning, so my usual view of the world through rose-colored glasses seems to have gone by the wayside. Maybe my situation is due to my getting drunker than Cooter Brown last night; but, at the end of the day, it is what it is. So I’ll pull myself up by the bootstraps, get back on the horse, and have another hair of the dog that bit me.

You all might enjoy this.

@Blackberry It’s true I belong to the fairer sex. But with a beard like mine I’m generally mistaken for a man on the internet six ways til sunday. I suppose I could sign post my gender with a more femme avatar, but I love the beard too much. It’s got that je ne sais quoi. Plus it’s not the sort of thing that gets my knickers in a twist.

Word.

Seems to me the difference between an idiom and a metaphor or simile is about as thick as the cutting edge on a ceramic knife. Can someone set me straight on that? But please don’t take too big a slice out of me. Ouch!

@wundayatta When asked he actually knows what an idiom is Archer defines it as a “colloquial metaphor”

@fundevogel Cool, and of course I wasn’t insinuating you should project something that signals you’re a woman, was just thinking out loud.

@fundevogel SUCK IT… like a cheap whore and sport it like a fine gold chain.

Ta dao! B*tches!

http://www.shaggybevo.com/board/showthread.php/36017-Old-southern-idioms

http://ask.metafilter.com/90874/How-to-improve-my-southern-speakin-skillz

http://ashlandbelle.com/Southern.html

Don’t assume me as being quite as ignorant as you are for assuming that I might be so ignorant that I actually BELIEVE that they are ONLY spoken in the deep south.

Be like the old lady who fell out of the wagon. (you aren’t involved, so stay out of it)

@Blackberry I didn’t think you did. And any way it’s all water under the bridge.

@GabrielsLamb Well slap my ass and call me Susan. You do know I was just taking the piss before right?

@fundevogel I’m new… I don’t know you… How could I KNOW that?

Sorry my psychic is as busted… As a chipped toothed beaver at a give a dam

If they have to be colloquial, does that mean the metaphors have to be as old as the hills and we can’t coin new idia? Holy mackerel! Gag me with a spoon and twist!

That is a mint idea.

Oh my! You guys have made me happier than a dog with two peters. I’m so excited that I don’t know whether to scratch my watch or wind my butt. I hope more people join as we have barely scratched the surface. Please continue to cough it up.

LOL! I almost tossed my cookies; and we have barely sratched the surface.

@smilingheart1 :D I see we have you drinking the Kool-Aid. You wouldn’t be tossing cookies if you kept your hand out of the cookie jar.

So what’s the verdict?

Who’s the King of the Mountain?

Well so far several have caught my eye but I think there are other flutherites out there who can wrap me around their little pinky with a few smooth words but I don’t want anyone feeling all high and mighty. I don’t know why they are being couch potatos. This is an opportunity for flutherites to show they aren’t dead wood and to spread their wings and blow wind up my skirt.

Let’s send it up the flag pole and see if they salute.

Whatever floats your boat…

Y’all need to make like a tree and get out of here.

@fizzbanger, Wow your not beating around the bush but I’m here to nip it in the bud. So I’m going to go out on a limb and guess you’ve been under a cloud. So why don’t we just keep this up till the cows come home or hell freezes over.

@Pandora Go fly a kite.

@fizzbanger Well, I was high as a kite but now I’m 4 sheets to the wind

Some of these are classics, but some are just worn out and so long in the tooth that even trying to modernize them is like polishing a turd.

If you stuck a lump of coal up that guy’s ass, you’d have a diamond in two weeks.

@dabbler Don’t be a stick in the mud. I’m not going to gild the lily, this may just be a linguistic circle jerk you’d be hard pressed to find an example of more flutherian tomfoolery if you searched till the cows came home. So best not shit where you eat my dear jelly.

Edit : I totally misused “gild the lily”, but having just fallen off the turnip truck I’m between a rock and a hard place trying to come up with a suitable replacement before my window closes.

@fundevogel Touché !

I can tell a hawk from a handsaw. :)

@fundevogel Aren’t you as cute as a speckled pup in a red wagon! Well I feel like I’ve been rode hard and put up wet, so I’m going to grab a little shut-eye and possibly saw some logs.

I’ve never had this much FUN with my clothes on EVER ! ! ! !

Butter my butt and call me a biscuit!! This is more fun than a barrel of monkeys!

Good morning.

It’s time to clear the decks for action and take the bull by the horns. Our client fired a shot over the bows yesterday when they threatened to lower the boom on us for screwing the pooch. I can see by the thousand-yard stares that some of you are still shell-shocked. So the game’s afoot now: we’re not in Kansas any more. We’re in it to win it. I want to run something up the flagpole with you and see how many salute.

It takes two to tango, and they’re just calling the kettle black here; we all have egg on our faces now. Here’s the big picture: no one is as pure as the driven snow in this matter. But we’re on the side of the angels; you’re either with us or you’re against us. We’re taking this to the mattresses, boys. I’m just telling it like it is, and let the chips fall where they may. At this point in time, it is what it is. They’ve been all over the map with us, but we’re sticking to the business at hand. No more of this round and round for us, and we’re not being painted into a corner, either. We need to circle the wagons here, and be able to think outside the box.

Let’s keep our fingers crossed as we each put our shoulder to the wheel, our nose to the grindstone and hunker down to weather the storm. We’re not going to give up the ship! If you all mind your p’s and q’s, cross all the t’s and dot all the i’s, then I’m sure we’ll come through this smiling, and smelling like a rose. Keep a weather eye out, and don’t be buying any bridges! But don’t look any gift horses in the mouth, either, or sure as shooting we’ll take a tumble and come a cropper. We’re all in bed together here.

We’ll dance with the one that brung us, but we’re not taking any wooden nickels, you dig? We not going to be like lambs to the slaughter here. If we need to, we’ll be the bull in the china shop. I’d give all the tea in China to see their long faces when we put the ball in their court. We’ll use the bait and switch if we have to, but first I want to dangle a carrot in front of them and see if they rise to the bait.

Are you with me? Make no mistake, it’s a dog eat dog world out there. Let’s dance.

No one’s going to rain on our parade.

@CWOTUS, I have been to the mountain! This is flat-ass brilliant. I actually read this out loud to my coworkers, and we rolled on the floor laughing ;-) I tip my hat to your idiomatic, metaphorical genius!

I’m on it like white on rice. I live and breathe this stuff; the exigencies of the moment make it possible for me to turn it up a notch and produce dreck this at will. But I don’t exist in a vacuum: no man is an island. I have to thank the little people of this site, without whom I would be but a babe in the woods.

Unfortunately, I can’t turn on a dime, or stop on one, either. It’s all or nothing, and I try to leave no stone unturned. It goes without saying that I’m firing on all cylinders here, going balls to the wall.

Well, back to the business at hand. The less said, the better. Mum’s the word, or Bob’s your uncle.

@CWOTUS You are king of the Castle and Prince of men. You my friend are a cut of a different cloth and march to the beat of a different drum. Mark my words, the force is strong within you.
I thought someone through a monkey wrench in this question but you mopped up the floor nicely and ran off with the prize. You are the dark horse that saved the day.

LOL, I meant to say Threw, not through. I guess I’m a bit sleepy.

@CWOTUS Well aren’t you just the cat’s meow. I probably ought to jump ship and head for the hills after your dog and pony show, but damn your eyes, I’m like a kid in a candy shop. Those other jellies might run like the devil’s on their heels, but I’m the sort of girl that would rather just throw it all against the wall and see what sticks. I might go down with this ship but with your balls to the wall I’m not going to just stand here holding my dick.

But there’s more than one way to skin a cat and lord knows I’ve been around the block a few times. It’s true, I couldn’t find my way out of a wet paper bag in matters of the heart, but I’ll be a monkey’s uncle before I let them put this to bed. Some people think a good idiom is just the cherry on top but you and I both know the glories of packing our language to the gills. Any less and I’m afraid this whole thing might go pear-shaped.

I hate to pull teeth, but let’s not let this thread go the way of the dodo.

Ya’ll have bats in yer bellfreys.

Well, long time no see. Another day, another dollar. You thought you’d throw me for a loop by chiming in so late. Better late than never, you probably thought. Well, you’ve got another think coming. Never let it be said that I was asleep at the wheel while we tried to keep the ball rolling. So be it. At the end of the day, I’m ass over teakettle – all assholes and elbows, as the saying goes – to pick up the ball and run with it. Let’s get it on.

As luck would have it I’m at my wit’s end, and I’m madder than a wet hen. You may think you can win by just mailing it in here, but to make a long story short, that ain’t gonna happen. Not on my watch; no way, no how. I can’t make heads or tails of what you write; it just doesn’t make the grade. Make no bones about it, you’re just marking time. I can milk this for all it’s worth, because you missed the boat. Time and tide wait for no man, and no man is an island. Perhaps you’d like to take a breather, just take it easy, before you slink off with your tail between your legs. Take it from me, I will take this to the limit. I’m taking the gloves off, and taking you for a ride.

I don’t think you’ve got a pot to piss in. A little bird told me that, and it wasn’t lying like a rug, either. I think you’re ready to pack it in. You certainly passed the buck ever since the start of this thread. You took the path of least resistance, taking the high road while others bore your burden, and now it’s time to pay the piper. The litmus test for writing clichés is: can you perform when the chips are down? It’s time to put up or shut up, my dear. I can write these things like they’re going out of style.

Okay, here’s the skiny. I’ve drawn a line in the sand. I have a chip on my shoulder and a bone in my teeth. Step into the lion’s den, said the spider to the fly. This will be like shooting fish in a barrel. Dead fish. In a barrel with no water. With a shotgun: both barrels. You’d better bring it like there’s no tomorrow, because I’ll be up at the crack of dawn and rarin’ to go. That’s the long and the short of it. You’ve got a long row to hoe.

Put that in your pipe and smoke it.

I see the shit hit the fan this time, I am so outta here – let’s blast this pop-sicle stand.

@CWOTUS
Well now you’re just trying to get my goat. If you’d done your homework you’d see I was turning a phase while you were still in short pants. I may come and go with the tides but make no mistake, I’m not riding the short bus. I’m playing with the big boys, shooting straight, kicking ass and taking names and you’ve got a snowball’s chance in hell if you think you can throw me for a loop.

You might think you’ve got me on the ropes, but I’m coming out swinging and going for broke. So you best check yo’self before you wreck yo’self. This language is as old as the hills and I’m milking it for all it’s worth. You can bet your bottom dollar I have no intention of blowing my load early.

Frankly, for all your piss and vinegar you spout a lot of hot air. Sure, you could verbally beat me like a redheaded step child, put me to task and hang me out to dry, but we don’t have to fight like an old married couple. Clearly, you and I are two sides of the same coin. When it comes to this question I think we’re both happier than a dog with a bone. So simmer down. Lets chew the fat and shoot the shit. This isn’t a pissing contest, I know you can talk the talk and walk the walk so don’t chew me out just because you think I’m here to steal your thunder.

pst a few of us are coolin our heels in the chat.

@fundevogel

You seem to be talking out of both sides of your mouth, and spoiling for a fight when you rattle my cage. If it’s a fight you want, then throw your hat in the ring and let’s have at it. The long and the short of it is that I could eat your lunch. When the game is on the line, and push comes to shove, then it’s time to put up or shut up. You’d better quit horsing around, or quicker than a New York minute I’ll do for you. You thought you could come here and dip your toe in the water, but I have you dead to rights now. As a matter of fact, I think you’re just marking time. I didn’t just fall off the turnip truck, you know. I was born at night, but not last night.

What you’re seeing here is just the tip of the iceberg. You’re going to have to buckle down or knuckle under. You zigged when you should have zagged. This stuff is right up my alley. I’m the real McCoy, and I am not going to rest on my laurels just because you try to stroke me. I’ve taken stock of this situation, and I will take you for a ride. You can talk until you’re blue in the face, and you can turn over a new leaf, but I know that a leopard doesn’t change his spots: your compliments are nothing but a Trojan horse. You may not have bottomed out yet, but when you do I’ll still be hear to pick up the pieces.

I’m not ready to smoke the peace pipe with you yet!

@CWOTUS You know, after extending an olive branch and getting my head bit off for my trouble the bloom was off the rose and I was ready to wash my hands of the whole kit an caboodle. But I gave myself some space to breathe and I kept coming back to this idea. You and I are cut from the same cloth. Maybe we’re both pissing in the wind and lord knows writing like this is an uphill battle, but this sort of wordplay really butters my biscuit. And as much as you act like I’m grinding your gears I know it’s just a dog and pony show. All this bluster is just to through me off the scent. You can thump me six ways til Sunday…but you’re only doing it because you’re drawing a blank. When it comes to conducting a (semi) normal conversation you don’t seem seem to have found your sea legs yet.

So what do you say? Ready to turn over a new leaf? Before you know it we’ll be thick as thieves.

@fundevogel

If you’re ready to bury the hatchet, then I’ll reach out my hand and try to turn our swords into ploughshares. I don’t have an axe to grind with you. I have no dog in this fight, and in fact there’s no fight in me. If I hit you with both barrels before, then let’s roll out the barrel this time and let bygones be bygones. Let’s do that, then. We’ll stop on a dime, do an about face and stop living by the sword, lest we die by it, too.

Maybe we are birds of a feather. If so, then I’d sure like to… um… flock with you.

@CWOTUS and @fundevogel BRAVO. I am a better women for having known you two. LOL

Well, I’m gobsmacked that I missed this shindig. Must have been three sheets to the wind while the party was going down.

Jumping Jehosaphat, it’s an oldie but a goodie retread.

Well, this makes me feel knee high to a pancake. How’d I miss this diamond in the rough?