How do you prepare yourself for what is sure to be an awkward social situation?

I had to go to a funeral of a close relative a few years ago. The event itself was already extremely upsetting and it was made worse because I am not connected to my family and there is a lot of tension there. However, I not only needed to be there, I wanted to be there. So I just had to try to keep in mind that it wasn’t about me, it was about her and be polite to other family members.

I don’t know what the event is @ANef_is_Enuf but people are likely to be feeling the same way. So just smile politely, be as friendly as you can and get through it. Then you can go home and put it behind you. You can do it. Hope it goes okay for you.

I’m not entirely sure that is the case. I would venture a guess that the vast majority of the people there would be extremely happy if we didn’t show up. However, that is not an option. (I PMed you.)

I got it and yes, that might be the truth. So put your head in the air and rise above any attitude. Your choice to go is so, so mature. The people that matter will value your effort. Not now perhaps, but in time. You can see this as an example to show how stylish and how much class you have.

@Bellatrix thank you, that actually made me feel much better!

@ANef_is_Enuf you are most, most welcome.

Well, since I don’t know exactly what the social situation is, and I am going to assume it is not something like a funeral, my generic response is I would look as fabulous as possible, walk in like nothing bothers me, and try to stay out of the fray.

@JLeslie that’s probably the perfect answer. Maybe I’ll pick out and press my outfit now.

@ANef_is_Enuf Let us know how it goes. Is the social situation today?

Tomorrow. At this point I’m going to say that if I don’t throw up or burst into tears, it will be a success.

@ANef_is_Enuf Well, I definitely wish you success. Is there someone there that has been mean to you?

@JLeslie yes, more than one person.

Alcohol?

@Blackberry that’s a bad idea, in this case. Tempting, though.

In all settle for disorder in lesser things for the sake of order in greater things therefor be content to be discontent in many things ! For people that matter don’t mind, and the people that mind don’t matter!!!!!!!!

I just distance myself from it. I may be there in body, but my mind is elsewhere, probably somewhere childlike & fantastical, like reciting old episodes of the three stooges…boink!

@ANef_is_Enuf an let these people get under your skin. Start with the idea you’re going to be the bigger person and ignore the harpies.

@ANef_is_Enuf That sucks. I went through a difficult time with my SIL and the last time my husband and I visited the family (we stay with his parents, but his sister lives in the area) I literally left the room in tears because of how she was treating me. I don’t think they knew I cried, I think they just think I was rude maybe for leaving the room for a while. Actually when I left the room I had verbally stood up to her when she was being a total fucking bitch to me. I have no idea how the other people in the room viewed the whole thing. I didn’t yell or anything, I just told her to do something herself if she thinks I should do it, because I didn’t agree. Long story. I stopped her in her tracks anyway, she knew she was not going to change my mind at that point.

The thing is this chick always has to have her way, and everyone in the room knows it. Whether they agreed with her or me, no matter what they know how she is.

It’s difficult to say specifically without knowing the details. However, here’s how I handle extremely awkward situations. I need to find what is causing me distress about the event. Note: this is not the same as identifying who will be where and who might want me to be there or not and for what reasons, back-stories, etc. I need to find what is causing me to to feel uncomfortable. If it’s as simple as not wanting to be some place where some percentage of people consider me unwelcome, then I focus on why that would matter to me. Once I have identified that thing, I can evaluate it and determine if it is something that only makes sense within the context of the drama-filled “reality” we have cooked up for ourselves. Is this emotion/anxiety a mere result of some irrational ideas or habits I have formed over the years? Is this anxiety/concern I have valuable? Will it help me in some way?
Note: Meditation helps me, but I’m sure there are other paths. In the end, some of my biggest worries about social events (or job interviews) have melted away once I have seen them in a clear light. They were simply illusions that I was free to let go of.

Of course, none of this may apply to your situation.

Either not going or just take a friend with whom you’ll enjoy it there.

I remind myself that it’s a fairly short time in the grand scheme of things. One or two hours out of my life I can cope with. I’ve had bad dates that have lasted longer than that and I made it. Things like that. Then I rehearse (out loud) non-committal responses to things that I must respond to. If someone is being mean they don’t deserve a real answer to a snide comment or question. One of my sisters is very skilled at being cleverly snide and mean, I had to learn how to respond without screaming or stuttering or getting defensive. For example, when she would say : “I suppose you…(something that makes you look or feel bad)” I learned to say, in an agreeable tone: “Is that what you suppose? Hmmm.” Then walk away if you can. Never disagree, divert. Don’t engage. Rehearse. It may not sound as genuine if you rehearse, but no one is looking for nuance, you’re looking to get through this qwithout an assault charge against you. There is no need to take a stand, you’ve done nothing wrong, you don’t have to defend yourself.

Good luck, Nef!

GA @JilltheTooth, just getting through it. There is an end in sight.

What @Blackberry said! :-/
Good luck & just remember Scooby dooby dooooooooo ;-)

Tequila.

Hey Nef. You already have an Estimated Time of Arrival. Now set a reasonable ET of Departure. 3 hours?
Dress up a bit. (Wear the V neck top. It looks great on you.) Inhale, stand tall, boobs out, avoid alcohol, and smile like you mean it.
How long can you hold your breath?
I really like @JilltheTooth ‘s methods for not engaging. Practice a bit.

You go, Girl! Make us proud !

I live life laughing, so when something is awkward, I try to make light of the situation. Breaking the ice with laughter is a lot easier than having an awkward conversation in an awkward situation. So usually I tell a really awkward or lame joke and then that usually helps.

I’m still trying to figure out why I’m holding my breath.

@ANef_is_Enuf Breath woman ,breath!!!…… in with the good air, out with bad, in with the good air, out with bad. You can do it
:-)

@ANef_is_Enuf holding your breath apparently to keep your boobs out :D

Is there anyone at that event you can plan to talk to and stick with? I had to attend an extremely awkward event over the summer—I planned in advance who I would talk to, what I might want to talk about, what I would do, and how/when I would decide to leave. I mentally went though the situation and even though it was totally fake, I felt much better having a mental/emotional game plan in place. When I got there, I went straight to the people I enjoyed talking to and focused on them.

You said ‘we,’ which makes me assume you’re not going alone. I would focus on whoever I was going with and just blur everyone else out like they were strangers at a movie theater or a community event.

Hold your head high. If attacked, use a wry smile and a raised eye brow in rebuttal. Practice the phrases: “How nice of you to: say so; ask; notice; think of that; remember; etc, all said with a bland, mildly friendly gaze. Be above it all, whatever it is. And plan to do something you like after you leave. Then laugh, because chances are, whatever it is, is usually petty.

I pull on my big girl panties, best hair and makeup, glue a pleasant expression on my face and grim it out. Often as I smile and nod, I am telling them to fuck off inside. I try to stay near people I like but if I have to talk to an ugly, I remind myself to be chillingly civil.

Neffie,
If all else fails know that you have 20k+ lurve. That is objective proof that a whole lot of people value your opinions and feel that you helped them. You don’t get 8000 GA by being stupid, or rude, or whatever the problem is.

Hey, I’m an engineer and just call ‘em the way I see ‘em.

Well I started with a haircut and several hours of laughter with my best girlfriend. Thanks for all of the great advice… I’ll let you all know if I make it without any mishaps.

I don’t usually… I do awkward social situations rather well.

There is an old Italian Saying: “Non ho Fronte.” It means “I have no face.”

It basically translates to mean; “Sorry, my give a damn is broken today, check back tomorrow.”

Hee Hee…

How did your event go, @ANef_is_Enuf??

It really wasn’t bad. :)
Everyone was friendly, and it was actually boring, not awkward. Not at all what I expected.. but everything ended up being a-ok.
Thanks so much to everyone who offered advice, it helped me stay calm enough not to throw up on the hosts’ shoes.

@ANef_is_Enuf Good for you!

Good to hear @ANef_is_Enuf :-)

Yay!

Glad to hear that!! Now, exhale!

Nice to hear that. You should them more often.

Definitely not. haha.

The boredom can’t last all evening. Just propose something to do for them that most will enjoy and eventually it’s gonna be all right :p At least give it a try.

It’s not the boredom that concerns me, but, thank you.

Ahh, that big girl panty thing!! Glad it went okay.