Have you ever had a relationship that was mostly one-sided?

Have you ever been on a date and felt alone? Now, THAT’s a lop-sided relationship.

In my opinion, this happens for several reasons, one being a school dropout and the other person is a college graduate. Its off on the wrong foot to begin with.

Most relationships start at 50/50, then for some reason, one partner will take over be the dominant leader.

The perfect relationship should be 50/50. but this is not always the case. One partner may be a leader and the other partner is a follower. Also, the other partner may want it this way and never objects to their partners decisions.

If the relationship is meant to be, the couple will work out their personal problems and carry on with their love for each other.

The relationship I just ended was like that. As time went on, I was gradually maintaining and supporting the relationship more and more until it got to the point where I was the only one making plans, keeping plans that were being made it was almost impossible to get him to agree to hang out with me more than a day or two in advance, making contact, basically putting any effort into the relationship. If I had just stopped doing what I was doing, he might call me once a week to see if I could hang out right at that moment which usually I couldn’t, hence the need to make plans in advance and if I couldn’t hang out, well, tough shit for me, he wouldn’t try and get together at another time.

There were other things too, but those are much harder to quantify. It was very exhausting.

I had some where I was on either side. It is what it is.

My 1st marriage was probably me at 30% and my husband at 70%. Once divorced then I had a relationship where I was the 70% and my partner the 30% and another relationship where I was again, the 30% input partner. I don’t think it was one of us not trying but rather one of us assuming the 70% person knew better or knew what to do in the first place.

Years later and going into my 2nd marriage, this courtship has fluctuated several times in the last almost 3yrs, more evenly I think which is good. We’ve both been adults a long time, we both have experiences good and bad to know what we really want, how much we want it and the experiences to help us get there, together.

Yes my dear… Every single one of them so far actually. and I haven’t once yet come out on the better end of that unfortunately

I feel as the man of the house, the strong, dependable, reliable type, it is my sworn duty to….....concede that the wife takes it 51% to 49%. Well, you can’t win em all & anyway, she always has to get the last word in.

Most of my relationships have involved me pouring my devotion onto girls who liked to keep me around as a fallback plan, or a safety net.

@Fiddle_Playing_Creole_Bastard You simply have to up the ante my dear and date smarter girls… Anyone who can’t see how brilliant you are is a dummy… sorry

Maybe I’m just really cynical, but when I look back on the only real relationship I’ve had, in hindsight it seems like everything was all about him.

I think he was really insecure and I made him feel good about himself and that was what he liked about dating me. We were always watching his movies, listening to his music, hanging out with his friends. Every night he’d call me to complain about all his problems. Even when he complimented me, it wasn’t about me, it was about how he related to me (“you make me feel so…”). And he did all this “chivalrous” crap, but even that came off less like true concern for me and more like “look at what a gentleman I am.” One day I was crying and he brought a gift over for me, but he ruined it by then making a big show about how he was going to be late to work because of this diversion, just look at the sacrifice I’m making for you, and then the gift was a CD he had burned that was much more to his tastes than mine. We dated after my first bout of illness and anytime I so much as mentioned it, the conversation ended up becoming me assuring him that it probably won’t happen again, so don’t worry.

I initiated the breakup and I have to admit I wasn’t completely honest with him about why I did it. I did the whole “it’s not you, it’s me,” thing, which was part of it, but a big part of it was definitely him. The one bit of truth that did finally come out after a grueling hour of listening to him cry on the phone was when I told him, “every evening you call me up all depressed, and I always wanted to help you, I still do, but it’s not working as a relationship because I feel like I can’t tell you any of my problems because you’re already depressed. Like that I think I’m getting sick again.” A month later I started my second bout of illness.

A while later he had the gall to tell me, “oh yeah, by the way, my cousin gave up on the girl he was interested in because he doesn’t believe in love anymore after seeing as perfect a couple as you and I fail,” WTF.

Anyway, this probably didn’t deserve a full-blown rant; we were only 16 so the main problem was likely just that we both needed to grow up a lot.

I’ve been like the eat, pray, love girl- losing me in relationships. I finally fell like me again but, then, I’m not in a relationship. My marriage was not like that- I think I was the 70 but I had to, I had kids to make decisions about. It was exhausting.

@Mariah: Glad you dumped him. It sounds more like you were some combination of his therapist and his mother than his girlfriend.

Yes. Ended them even if I was the one getting more out of it. If it can’t be half/half then I don’t deserver it.

In my own experiences, even though I did everything for them, gave them whatever they wanted, treated them well, and helped them with their lives, I was thrown compensation and left overs as appreciation and what they always called love It never was that, I have always given my best 100% of myself and my time and care and concern…

Problem with idiots is, when you call them on their own bullshit, they have a tendency to put out there only the things you did wrong, and they forget all those nights you held them, cared for them cooked for them, and not to mention actually partaking of all those unmentionables that you allowed them as they turn it around onto you as something bad you did, when you did it to make them happy. motherfuckers men who simply are, selfish, self serviang liars that look at getting over on another person as something worth doing in the first place. which would be the ultimate character flaw in my universe but what do I know everyone loves, and runs to defend a useless prick

Mariah is a beautifully gifted and intelligent girl who deserves better!

I have to have a certain amount of give and take in a relationship. One thing I notice is that all my friends won’t call me. The upshot of it is that I do all the calling. That means that I have found very few friends who give me enough “juice” to keep me calling them back, but with those who do, it’s an awesome relationship.

I don’t think 50/50 is very attainable. 80–20 or 70–30 or even 60–40 is easier, but the secret is you have to take turns being the superior number, and your turn should come around about 50% of the time! :-)

Yep.

Every single morning in the shower.

@rooeytoo That’s exactly what the post said, silly! :P

@Mariah oh my goodness, you’re right, and so you should be since it was your question! I apologize, I didn’t read the question properly. I wonder if the 2 who gave me ga’s didn’t either, heheheh. But yep, no doubt about it, that is the goal to aim for!