If I don’t have a choice but to be with them, like working/studying with them for example…well, I’ll do what I have to do with them or around them, but it will be completely defined by necessity. I ignore and avoid them as much as I can otherwise, without saying a word or doing anything more than needed when it comes to interaction. When they approach me, if I don’t need to, I don’t engage, or dismiss them very quickly. Doing it in a cold way can do wonders.
If it’s at work, well there are work norms if say, they’re a superior taking advantage of you. I know it’s easier said than done…but the laws are there, nonetheless. If it’s a bully, again, you can see the higher ups and try to get something done, strike back, or let it roll.
What I do is ignore them as much as I can, within the limits barred up in front of me. I’m using a work/school example, because that’s the closest experience I have, besides my roommate who I speak of below. (not someone I dislike, but she fits this question pretty good…)
As to how I keep my temper in check, well that really depends on the type of disturbance the person is causing within me…I picture Valhalla, and hope to get there. It’s just fantasy, but it works. I don’t take it much differently than how I do with other stuff that pisses me off. Look forward to my beer and fuck the rest lol.
If a person is controlling, you know they’re controlling if you recognize it. Half the battle is won. When you see them raise their sword, don’t fall for it. I have that going on with my roommate. She’s one of em emotionally controlling ego freaks. Like, everything is always my fault, I should apologize, and I should bring it all to her on a silver platter. She has moments where she lays out the battle ground by not talking to me for hours or constantly criticizing me (from what the apartment is like to how I play my fuckin video games), slamming doors and being all moody. But I have the patience of a saint, and I know she’ll get tired of it. I just don’t react and do my shit. When she’s all fine and dandy again, she can come talk to me.
Likewise, if she gets sick of my lack of responding and confronts me, I may be a wuss most of the time, but I fuckin live here, and I’ll defend my private space if it’s attacked. She’s learned haha. I’m not boasting though. I hate and fear getting in fights with her. It’s not pleasant and very stressful. But I do know that she expects me to make a first move, and so she’s already on the losing end if she has to do it. I wait for her mood swing to be over, or her confrontation to happen. I keep Zen, I make paper flowers in my head, but I still keep doing my shit. There is not a single person on this fucking planet who will stall me.
of course I had to learn, but so did she. She never confronts me about anything anymore. (unless it’s valid, in which she takes a very different and, much more mature approach)
She still plays her guilt trips at least three times a week, but because I stood up for myself, I don’t have half to deal with as I did a year ago.
I hope that helps at least a little. I mean it’s a hard question to answer without me giving personal examples, since such things contain so many different factors. Environment, the people, the reasons, the situations…
As I say, for me, besides making a stand, I got a lot of drinking and fantasy shit going on…prolly not the best method lol. But many times, it works for me. Sad but true.
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