Am I being selfish on not waiting to put down my dog?

As hard as it is not to be there (heartbreaking, I am sure), I think the humane and loving thing to do would be to let her go now.

I am terribly sorry.

Maybe yes. When my cat was dying a lay down on the floor beside him and held him and talked to him, and cried and cried and cried and told him he didn’t have to stick around just for me, but that I was so, so sorry, but I just didn’t have the heart, I just didn’t have it in me to put him down. I knew, obviously, that he didn’t understand what I was saying to him, but I apologized for being selfish but I just couldn’t do it and I hope he understood. He died at home the next evening, in my arms.

Your dog is hurting, she may be confused, helpless. The best thing to do is to let her go now rather than wait for you to see her in a very sad state. Cherish the memories and good times you had with her. 13 years is a good run. Let the family members say their good-byes to her, animals do understand. When you get back to your family, you can all reminisce the times you had with her.

You might want the best for her but you can’t know this is what she wants. A human might say “enough! pout me to rest” but a dog can’t. If I were you I’d let her die on her own even if she suffers.

If she is not in an already bad state at the moment, ask your family members if they can shoot some video of her doing things that she always has done and that are typical for her so that when you will meet your family again in November you will have a ‘physical’ rememberance to her next to the nice moments you had with her when you were together that are in your mind.
Meanwhile, as hard as it will be, do the good deed, and let her go, peacefully, now if that is what the vet suggests.
I feel for you.

“If I were you I’d let her die on her own even if she suffers.”

I would feel awful. How could anyone do that?

If your dog is sick and not acting like a dog anymore then that is a key sign that you need to prepare and act on this sooner versus having her suffer.
I am so sorry to hear you are going through this, but make the decision based on what is best for the animal.
Prepare yourself and your family as it is heartbreaking. I had to do it with my 13yr old Akita last year for very similar symptoms that you are stating. Follow what your vet thinks as they do know best. No it is not easy, but it needs to be done.
Prayers your way through this tough time.

Letting her “die on her own, even if she suffers” is not the way to go. No one wants to see their pets suffer. I would do what the vet suggests as hard as this is to do, it is the loving and humane thing to do. I had to do this last month and I am still grieving over the loss of my dog, but it had to be done.
My thoughts and prayers are with you.

I still feel guilty for waiting too long to have my cat put to sleep. That was maybe 10 years ago. She was sleeping in the clothes dryer and lying in her own feces (which, obviously I cleaned up). I was feeding her with an eye dropper. I shouldn’t have made her go through all that. Would you want to go through that? As I said, I still feel guilty.

I delayed putting one of my dogs down, and it died on its own.
I felt so guilty about letting him go thru all that pain, for selfish reasons.
When my other dog was obviously in a bad way, I did the right thing.
Don’t let your dog suffer needlessly.

If she’s already not eating now, the end of November will be too far away. It’s cruel to make her suffer that long.

Is there anyway you can fly back home for the weekend? I know it can be costly for just a weekend but I think its too long to make your dog hold on. She may only have days left anyway if her kidneys are going. No matter what its going to be heartbreaking but you will probably feel more guilty about making her hang on.
Sorry about your dog. :(

I just went through this ordeal with my 12 year old border collie. I knew something was wrong with him, when his quality of life began to sink, because(I believe)was lung cancer. I woke up one morning and he could hardly breathe. The look he gave me I will never forget. He was asking me to help him, but I had no way of relieving his pain. Crying all the way to the vet, I finally gave permission to put Mikey down. He is at peace now. I am left with all the memories of his puppyhood and being so intelligent. One of a kind.

Make your decision, but do not let him suffer. He cannot tell you what he wants you to do, so this is a sad decision you will have to make.

I only hope you have plenty of photos to remember him by. jp

Wow thank you so much for all your answers. I haven’t seen my dog in two years so I was hoping I could be there and tell my parents to euthanize her. I can’t leave for the weekend because of the process of taking vacation in the military plus money expenses. I just want her to hold on so I can see her one last time… I don’t know. :(

I have been where @lillycoyote and @filmfann have been. I kept my cat alive when I should have let him go. I think you have to do what is best for your dog. If your dog is in pain or can’t eat, let her go. Like @filmfann, I feel guilty for not letting my cat go when he needed to. I was being selfish and putting my needs before his. I can understand how not being there and not seeing her again is very painful for you.

Read this poem and I think you will know what you must do.

You’re giving me a special gift,
So sorrowfully endowed,
And through these last few cherished days,
Your courage makes me proud.

But really, love is knowing
When your best friend is in pain,
And understanding earthly acts
Will only be in vain.
So looking deep into your eyes,
Beyond, into your soul,
I see in you the magic that will
Once more make me whole.

The strength that you possess,
this why I look to you today,
To do this thing that must be done,
For it’s the only way.
That strength is why I’ve followed you,
And chose you for my friend,
And why I loved you all these years…
My partner ‘til the end.

Please, understand just what this gift, You’re giving , means to me,
It gives me back the strength I’ve lost,
And all my dignity.
You take a stand on my behalf,
For that is what friends do.
And know that what you do is right,
For I believe it too.

So one last time, I breath your scent,
And through your hand I feel,
The courage that’s within you,
To now grant me this appeal.
Cut the leash that holds me here,

Dear friend, and let me run,
Once more a strong and steady dog,
My pain and struggle gone.

And don’t despair my passing,
For I won’t be far away,
Forever here, within your heart,
And memory I will stay.

I’ll be there watching over you,
Your ever faithful friend,
And in your memories I will run,
….. a young dog once again……

Author unknown

With dogs of mine(one with lung cancer, btw) I really took it one day at a time; sometimes it seemed like one hour at a time. How sad that you are so far away from your old friend when she is terminal… I just tried to judge how each of my dogs was feeling; with the lung cancer one, he seemed to be pain-free, at least if there was anything going on, for example, just taking him outside produced his old happy self. In his case, we judged it to be ‘time’ when he was out of breath just from trying to trot across the yard. His spirits still were good, though. Another dog who was epileptic and had heart failure just seemed to give up after being ok but weak for several weeks. All anyone can do is use their best judgement, based on the animal’s physical and mental state. (And their own, of course.)

Let your heart guide you. Is your friend in pain? I let my Tigger tell me. One day she just gave me the look, “I can’t do this any more, help me.” And I did, I cried for days and still typing this I cry and it has been 6 years. For your friend’s sake, let her run like a young pup again.
my deepest sympathies. Tell her to say hi to Hobo & Tigger for me.