What should I do about my friend?(See Details)
I have been concerned about this all year, and didn’t think until now to ask Fluther.
My friend is a freshman like me. She is on the field hockey team, which has practice everyday there isn’t a game. After that, she still has to go home and do 3 and a half hours of homework because she is in all honors classes. She is also a flute player and has lessons on Wendsdays and Tuesdays and Thursdays she has rehearsal for her big high class orchestra. For that, she goes to competitions on weekends at least once a month, sometimes more. She is also trying to do all 35 of her community service hours this year too. She started off the year pretty good, but now I can see her burning out.
She is obviously doing too much, but everytime I tell her that, she claims to be fine. But now she isn’t eating as much as she should, sleeping 5 hours a day, and she just doesn’t look or act like she used to.
What should I do to help her? I’m her best friend, so I would feel bad if something happened and want to help her. She isn’t cooperating well here.
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9 Answers
Until she doesn’t acknowledge the problem you can’t do much except keep reminding her she needs to take care of herself too. She deserves to learn and it seems she wants to learn it the hard way.
Eventually she won’t have any power to do all her things and she then will see you were right. [when it comes to that don’t tell her “I told you so”].
Try to keep her in a good mood or something.
And there’s always the possibility she’s doing this because she’s trying to avoid a family problem. Might not be something wrong but she might misinterpret something the wrong way and try to keep herself occupied so she won’t have to deal with that.
Sounds to me like she’s one of these workaholic type-A personalities who’s going to be a corporate CEO by the time she’s 30. Not my thing, but hey, more power to her. It takes all types to make the world go ‘round. If everybody was a worker bee, or a creative type like me, we wouldn’t have half the modern marvels we do…
You can’t make her do anything.
You can talk to her parents. You could try to get her to see a doctor.
You can tell her (but I think you have) that she needs to cut back.
It is her life. She is the only one that knows what works for her.
You can state your opinion to her in supportive fashion, but the rest is up to her.
Does she have a quest to go to a certain college? Maybe that is where her determination and drive is coming from. I know when I put myself on a quest and I am determined to accomplish it no one can steer me from my course. So she may need you just to be there as a friend to cheer her on and help her meet her goal. Sometimes being a friend good friend to someone means understanding and being there when they need your support.
All you can do is be there for her and make her know of that fact. Don’t quit giving her sound advices, but don’t bug her to the point that she get irritated. Good job watching out for your friend!
She is probably building a resume to go to college. She probably has a lot of pressure from her parents. They may all deny it, but it’s probably there.
You can’t tell her what to do. You can’t make her do anything, but what you can do is reflect her. You can tell her what you are seeing. How she seems tired. How she seems this or that. Ask her if she is ok. That sort of thing. Maybe she’ll talk about it. Just don’t beat her up with what you think is going on.
Your job is to be best friend. You accept her no matter what. You give advice when asked. In between you tell her what you see and offer to help her when you can.
I thoroghly agree with wundayatta’s answer.
Some people are fine when they’re that busy. I know I am but most people wouldn’t be able to do half of what I do per day without resorting to drink. Leave her alone.
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