What are some good, snappy comeback lines that would be more suited for a female?

When guys are telling jokes that are insulting to women, I tell this one:

“How many men does it take to tile a kitchen floor?”
“Only one, but you have to slice him very thin.”

It’s quite effective.

“A woman needs a man like a fish needs a bicycle” ~ Irina Dunn

More seriously, it’s kind of hard for us to recommend comeback lines if we don’t know what we’re coming back from… it somewhat depends on the lines they’re dropping.

I’ve always liked “Get lost. I’ve already got one asshole in my pants, I don’t need another.” I just think it’s funny. I’ve never actually said it to a guy.

My vagina feels sorry for the one that gave birth to you.

this is in General?

Hey, you know what a satisfied woman sounds like?

. . No, what?

I didn’t think so.

(A) My pasta has more body than your trouser trout.

(B) Well, since you stuck out I guess I will head home. Besides, my hair is a mess, my lips are drippy and I can’t help that my best friend is dick, and you are not named Dick.

(C) Oh….I heard about you, you’re that guy with an incredibly long dick, and you are f****** yourself in the ass right now!

I worked in a pretty male dominated environment for a while and sexist and off-colour jokes were told by a few men who thought themselves clever. I always put it down to the fact that they lacked real wit and character. But rather than try to get into a battle of wits with an unarmed opponent, I simply ignored them, or I would turn to them and look straight in their face with no smile and say, ‘I don’t get it.’ Most then tried to explain the joke to me in some condescending way, at which point I would just walk off, or I would look even flatter at them and they’d get my point without me saying a word.

If it’s ‘banter’ you’re looking for, and I know this well as a form of flirting, you just have to think on your feet. I don’t think I could help you with that here. I’m no Cyrano de Bergerac.

I always think one woman to another having a row ends abruptly when this is said….
“Just bury her in a Y shaped coffin!”

Comeback line from what? I don’t have “generalized” comebacks that are appropriate for every situation; I can’t imagine that anyone does. Certainly not effective ones, anyway.

I thought this was funny, and that women would like it.

@MacBatman31 That’s a girl to girl thing. Guys should never speak of such things to a woman.

Sorry, I know I’m way out of place in this one. Just was curious about the answers, and then that picture came to mind because it was posted on my facebook, and that happened because I told a girl to “grow a pair”. That picture was her comeback.

Here’s a page full of them, including:

A demitasse would fit his head like a sombrero.

All that you are you owe to your parents. Why don’t you send them a penny and square the account?

Anyone who told you to be yourself couldn’t have given you worse advice.

Better at sex than anyone, now all he needs is a partner.

Can I borrow your face for a few days while my ass is on vacation?

Did your parents have any children that lived?

I’ve had many cases of love that were just infatuation, but this hate I feel for you is the real thing.

Keep talking. I always yawn when I’m interested.

Let’s play horse. I’ll be the front end and you be yourself.

Never enter a battle of wits unarmed.

Perhaps your whole purpose in life is simply to serve as a warning to others.

It’s an excellent time to become a missing person.

Say they say something sexist: “Make me a sandwich” or some such.

“Yeah, yeah, I know. A woman’s place is in the house. And the Senate.”

-> Its not my fault that your ego is bigger than your dick.

@Sher_King: That’s priceless!

Yeah, a woman’s place is in the kitchen, telling her husband how she likes her steak cooked.

Man: women belong in the kitchen making sandwiches for their masters

Me: yeah women tend to make themselves sandwiches, it’s a shame men can’t do the same