When do you tell someone that what they just said is offensive?
Inspired by Auggie’s question.
When do you tell someone their view is offensive? I sort of assume (and maybe I shouldn’t, because assuming makes an… anyway…) that everyone on here would say something if someone made some comment about how they seriously thought prepubescent kids were hot. So there is some line where everyone seems to go “Nope, don’t care if you weren’t looking for a debate on the matter, you are going what I have to say”. So, where is that line for you?
Is it how offensive it seems to you, personally? Does if you think they were looking to debate the subject have an impact on if you say something or not? Does it change over topic – for example, are you more likely to say something if someone makes a racist joke than if someone makes a sexist joke? Does the forum matter – are you perhaps more likely to say something at a dinner party, or in a classroom, but Facebook and at work you’re going to keep your mouth shut? Do you take into account if you think someone else there will be offended or hurt by it, but they aren’t saying something (and does that make you more or less likely to speak up)? Do you take into account if you think someone else there will back you up once you make the initial disagreement? Do you feel like you should say something quite a bit of the time, but then you don’t (and why)? Or, conversely, do you say something quite a bit of the time, but feel like you should probably keep your mouth shut more often?
And, when do you think people (all of them, not just you) should just let it go, should not say something?
Observing members:
0
Composing members:
0
18 Answers
When it’s very personal to me and they say it to my face. (or say it subtly to me in any form of communication) and I’m not speaking of FB where someone posts something on their own wall, unless my name is included.
Unless it’s something patently offensive, I wouldn’t say anything. Offensive is a subjective term. This is why you have people crying offense whenever they meet any resistance. But assuming it actually is offensive, I would say something right after they’ve said it.
I would say something like “Do you realize that some people might consider what you just said to be offensive?”.
For me, it mostly depends on who they are and where we are. If it’s a stranger, and I’m alone with them… I’m generally keeping my mouth shut. See my “the window repair man thinks Obama is the Kenyan, Muslim, anti-Christ, and tells me so in my own house” situation. Mostly, because I don’t know how that person will react, and frankly, I’m a little scared for my safety.
The only other time I wouldn’t speak out is with a (much) older relative. Even then, I’ll make a little sound of disgust at what they’ve said, or go “Oh, grannie!” and leave the room. But I’m not going to get into a big debate about it.
Other than that, I think I’m pretty prone to call people on what they’ve said. I try to be nice and respectful about it, but I do think they should know they can’t go around saying things like that, and thinking everyone is ok with it. Because it’s not so.
I tell them only if they are my friends. Why I do this? because if I don’t know the other person I can’t know if it’s the way they are or it was done on purpose at that moment.
And it all depends on how we interpret things. I mean every thing another person say can be twisted around and be interpreted as being offensive. Remember anyone can get it at any time.
Can’t recall, i’m very rarely offended by anything.
I usually stare at them without responding, which results in an uncomfortable (for them) silence or I close my eyes and take a deep breath. I will say something if it is very offensive even though it makes me very uncomfortable. I’m a lot more lenient with older family members.
I just did in a thread on Fluther.
Not often enough, I think. I do it straight up and right to a person’s face (or directly in a post to them, if we’re on the interwebz) and tell them that what they said was vile or despicable when I know that their intent was to be objectionable.
I don’t find the need very often, but, when I do, I am very straightforward.
Diplomatic, but firm.
I recently confronted a woman who parked her new car in a clearly marked “No parking” zone right in front of the pumps at a local gas station, effectively blocking the entire inside left pumps, of which my gas tank is on the left.
I told her that she was blocking the pumps and that she was in a clearly marked no parking zone. She was all sheepish and apologetic. Heh!
I am also about to confront a male friend If he does it again who is always letting me know how much he’d like to renew a sexual relationship with me. I’ve laughed it off a few times while letting him know I am not interested, but, if he brings it up one more time I am going to firmly tell him that I do not want to discuss this again, I am NOT interested and never will be! The end! lol
I would just like to point out here that @Coloma isn’t talking about me. We haven’t started our sexual relationship yet. In case anyone was wondering.
@CWOTUS
Hey, get in line, I’m inspiring a lot of lust lately. haha
I tend to be honest to the point of bluntness. If someone close has crossed a line with me, I let them know ASAP. If it’s someone that has little bearing on my life, I may let it slide, but will forever be wary.
When I am offended and can’t find any excuse for them to have behaved that way.
I’m blatantly honest. If someone’s opinion offends me, I’m quite comfortable mentioning it. BUT I don’t often speak out unless it’s gone on for a while… I’ll say something when I get fed up.
I’m told that all the time :-p
I’m with @WillWorkForChocolate on that one. However, if I’m so pissed and righteously seriously right about the offensiveness, chances are, it gets pulled from the website, probably from people jumping in before me.
The rest of the time…well, if I can just roll my eyes and roll on past it, I do.
Answer this question 
Composing members:
0
