Can we discuss herpes and HPV, please?

If you’re exchanging any body fluids you’re at risk for either virus.

I have limited knowledge. Of course I should be corrected if I’m wrong, but I am under the impression when there is no outbreak, the risk is lowered, although of course anytime fluid is exchanged there is a risk, but the risk is lower if there’s not an outbreak.

I was reading that a) it’s possible to have HSV without any outbreaks and b) there are times during the year where the virus is active without any outward symptoms (making it contagious without being obvious).

So, my gut is saying no fluid exchange. I guess I wanted to hear other people weigh in so I knew whether that was a correct response or not. Also, I think it’s good to talk about both viruses, as they are very common and most people don’t realize it.

Condoms reduce risk of infection. I can’t think of any other preventive measures or control you’ll have over the matter. @Adirondackwannabe is correct.

@MissAnthrope That’s correct. You can be starting an outbreak with no symptoms and pass the virus. Oral herpes can also infect the genitals.

@Adirondackwannabe—Hmmmm. So, to be really safe, no fluid exchange at all..

@MissAnthrope None.

Well, all right, then! This has been very helpful. :P

I’m fine with that, mostly.. kind of bummed about no kissing, cause it’s been forever since I made out with someone, but I will live. Now I have to figure out a diplomatic way to set this limit.

Dental dam.

@MissAnthrope You should be able to kiss just fine if there’s no outbreak. I’ve had Oral Herpes my whole life and never infected a partner from kissing.

I don’t know about that.. anecdotal evidence and all. :)

I have OCD and one of my ‘things’ is being obsessed with not getting herpes. (I am crazy, it’s true) .. It sounds like it’s possible to get it from kissing even if there are no outbreaks.. I mean, the risk is lower, but as I said, it’s not so much a question of weighing risks for intimacy in a long-term relationship as it is whether I want to put myself at risk for what is most likely going to be a fairly casual, play-based relationship.

@MissAnthrope you could have let it in general hence you are the one who asks and mainly only the replies you mark as offtopic get moderated :P

It’s your health at state so be careful. I’m sure you did your homework when it came to study a bit about herpes or HPV. She shared it with you because she cares about your health so I’d trust her.

@MissAnthrope I don’t know what the actual risk is but I suspect it’s much less than 1%. I agree about anecdotal evidence, and you should research the statistics, but I’m guessing it’s VERY, VERY unlikely. You’ve probably kissed people with Oral Herpes many times before and not even known it.

I don’t think bodily fluids have anything to do with it. You can contract either virus from contact, and both of them can, and commonly do, affect areas of the skin that have nothing to do with bodily fluids… the mons pubis or area around the mouth, for example. And, yes, HSV can be spread when there isn’t an outbreak, but the risk is reduced.

I do not know if any info here helps, but it appears to me unless there is a break out, (or soon after one), the risk is very small, less what you allow to fester in the mind.

@ANef_is_Enuf – I figured skin-to-skin transmission.. or at least I feel like I’ve read that before. I did read something earlier today about the virus being transmitted in saliva, but going back and reading again, I’m not sure if that particular site is 100% trustworthy.

@Hibernate – Sometimes I like putting questions in General, but in some cases, like this, I prefer to have a relaxed forum for discussion, where people can talk about whatever as it comes up. I haven’t Fluthered much lately, so maybe things have shifted, but I have sometimes found General to be a bit stifling. So, it’s great for some questions, and Social is better for others.

As a person with HPV I can tell you that even though I’ve only ever had one outbreak and that it was years ago I still run the risk of passing it on. HPV is most contagious just before it is visible so technically there would be no sign of anything. You are rolling the dice if you sleep together and have genital contact.

@MissAnthrope okay, I just didn’t want any confusion about it only being transmissible through bodily fluids.

@MissAnthrope you can receive relaxed replies there. I rarely make any difference in between them. I try to reply on topic on both and express my personal opinion.

It is estimated that between 50 and 80 percent of the adult population in the US has oral Herpes. My mother has it, but my father dosen’t and they’ve been kissing for over 30 years. Again it’s anecdotal, but I think there are much more likely things to worry about (like getting in a car accident on the way to meet her).

@gorillapaws – I know, I know… but I have mentioned that I’m crazy, yeah? I feel extremely lucky to have avoided it so far (knock on wood)... I have a host of other physical ailments and I really am hoping to avoid adding to the list. Also, I am crazy and it’s an obsession. The risk makes me really nervous, even if it’s maybe illogical or whatever.

@gorillapaws makes a good point, really. My mother has had oral herpes since she was a child, and my father doesn’t, and she never passed it on to any of us kids, either. Even though I understand your nervousness, take some comfort in the low risk.

@MissAnthrope I don’t want to convince you to do something you’re not comfortable with, just to try to give you a realistic understanding of the risks so you can make a good informed decision. As I understand it, there is a slight chance that she could spread the infection right before an outbreak. I usually only get an outbreak once or at most twice a year and it’s always in response to physical trauma to the lip (sunburn, windburn, chapped lips, cutting my lip on something sharp etc.) sometimes if I’m feeling very sick from a flu or something, or occasionally I’ll get an outbreak if I’m totally stressed out. When I’m healthy and not too stressed, I have never had an outbreak. It sounds like this person is being very responsible by informing you of her potentially contagious diseases, and that is a really good sign for building trust.

Regardless of the choices you make, I hope you have a wonderful time. It also might be worth seeking treatment for your OCD, so you can worry less about things and enjoy life more.

Yes, I need therapy in a ridiculous way, but that is an entirely different matter. :]

@MissAnthrope you can move in with me. You can open all of the doorknobs and make sure the windows are closed, and I’ll disinfect everything. It will be perfect, dysfunctional harmony. ;)

Personally, I wouldn’t do it.

I know that sex is a powerful push but still why fool around with someone if there are so many worries and restrictions and the relationship is never going to be a relationship? Fuck buddies can’t be that hard to find.

If you still feel you want to go through it this sounds like a perfect application for a toy.

I’m with you and would avoid it. If truyly 80% of the population has it then your partner will have no trouble finding someone else.

@ANef_is_Enuf – Yay! Sounds delightful.

@janbb – It’s more than just a fuck buddy thing.. It’s a kink thing, with the possibility for varying levels of sexual intimacy, depending on what I decide in this regard.

@worriedguy – Yeah, I think that I’m fine with toy use and whatnot, I use condoms on mine anyway, just as a point of extra safety. I was trying to decide how I feel about possible points of transmission, such as kissing and oral sex. I’m thinking I may limit activities to just toys, as I just can’t get past the risk and it’s just not worth it to me.

@MissAnthrope You just answered your own question: “I just can’t get past the risk and it’s just not worth it to me.”
There’s your answer. You don’t have to play. There are plenty of others who will.

Well, that is for the sexual aspect of things. There are lots of things we can do, kink-wise, that would be safe. Point being, I don’t have to write her off as a play partner because of this. :)

Well just wrap it up if you do do something. You can get both through oral if that’s part of your question and HSV-1 you can get from kissing. You can learn more about them here.

HPV and Genital warts
Herpes Information