How can I politely tell my cousin that I don't want to play this game with her anymore?
I have been playing Words With Friends online with my cousin regularly for several months. I have beaten her twice out of hundreds of games over that period of time, and both times she was really crabby about it, and made a bunch of excuses about why she lost. Also, she has made multiple comments that lead me to suspect that she is cheating, and once even admitted to using a word finder. She complains when I take “her” spot for a word, she yells at me for blocking the board or making a space she wanted inaccessible. She is in her 50s, but I swear sometimes it is like she is throwing tantrums.
I guess, in short, she’s a very poor sport. I guess I am, too, because I am tired of losing every day. It’s not fun to play like this. The problem is that I still want to play the game, I just don’t want to play it with her. I tried just avoiding her, but she kept sending me requests. I don’t want to just come right out and say that I don’t like playing with her, my intentions are not to hurt her feelings… I just, well, don’t want to play with her. :\
Observing members:
0
Composing members:
0
51 Answers
Oh, I also forgot to mention that this is essentially the only way we keep in touch. She lives in another state, so we chat and play this game. Which is another issue altogether.
Can you maybe suggest that you’re cutting back on games for awhile because you have so much to do to get ready for the holidays? I mean twin boys and winter holidays…no small feat! She can’t possibly know that she’s the only one you’re cutting back on, can she???
“Hey Cuz, neither of us seems to be having fun playing each other. I need to play someone closer to my level, so let’s find new people to play this.”
It’s not easy but sometimes you have to be a little blunt. Tell her you’d rather just send updates to each other via Facebook or email. It sounds like she will piss and moan a bit, but there’s no reason for you to put up with her bad sportsmanship.
@JilltheTooth I’m not sure, because Facebook tells people what you’re playing if they also play games. So, she will be able to see that I’m playing. It would be easier if the app wasn’t so unreliable on my phone, but it has been acting up for a while now.
@zenvelo you’re probably right. Maybe I should just ask her if she is even having fun, since she not only beats me every game, but she destroys me.
@ANef_is_Enuf Could you try finding another game that the both of you may enjoy? Maybe you could just tell her that you’ve heard people talking about the game and you think the two of you should try it out.
@Seaofclouds that would be ideal, but I don’t know of anything that you can play like this game.
@ANef_is_Enuf I wish I had a suggestion for you. I don’t play many of the games on Facebook anymore though. I use to play Scrabble and Family Feud with friends, but that was a while ago and I’m not sure if they’ve changed since then.
@Seaofclouds well, Scrabble can be played with friends, but Words With Friends is almost identical to Scrabble.. so that wouldn’t work. To the best of my knowledge there aren’t any other games that you can play with a friend quite in the way you can play Scrabble/WwF.
Why are you concerned about being polite to her when she’s apparently been rude to you? Do you feel some compassion for her or could it be some other mitigating factor?
Ahh, sounds like many an Xbox live spat amongst the noob population.
Pity you couldn’t just block/delete “cuz” as is the preferred way of things in the Xbox playground.
@Brian1946 well, because aside from this, I like her. Plus, as I’ve mentioned elsewhere, I recently cut off a large portion of my family.. and at this point I’d like to hang on to the few relatives that I am on good terms with. So, I don’t want to offend her or hurt her feelings over something silly like a game… I’m just sick of playing with her. :)
Is there anyone else with whom you enjoy playing WwF?
Why don’t you invite her to fluther? You could answer questions, follow and PM each other, and it might work out quite well, unless she finds this question!
I still might want to delicately talk about her feeling upset if you win. I think you might be able to have a decent talk about that and taking a spot she seemed to think was hers.
I suspect that if you were to take an overall picture of her life, you would find that she uses cheating as a coping memechanism to fill in the blank spots. People who cheat don’t just stop at games. They are fundamentally self serving, and unreliable. I would not trust her with intimate details of my life.
Ultimately I’d quickly tire of a relationship like this, because it would be so “false”.
@Brian1946 yep. I play with a handful of people, which is part of the issue. If I play with them, she can see that I’m still playing the game. So it wouldn’t be something as simple as “I’m not playing this, anymore.”
@snowberry I think she would really like it here. She’s very intelligent, well educated and loves to discuss just about everything… but, yes, this question might be problematic. lol. We aren’t close, partly because we’ve always lived far apart and only see each other on special occasions, and also because there is a significant age gap. I just want to remain friendly.
I think you should just tell her plain a simply but with lots of love that you can’t take losing. If you can’t do that then I think the only other suggestion is to quit the game or start it all over under a different name and well that won’t help your relationship…I think your gonna have to bite the bullet and communicate your feelings, if not then what’s the point to the relationship?
I don’t think that you can keep playing the game and just not play with your cousin.
So, I suggest that you give up the game for awhile. Tell your cousin that you are cutting back. Then do it.
Maybe you can go back to it in a few months.
You could tell her what @JilltheTooth suggests: “The press of time” and all that, then set up another FB account for playing the game with others.
It’s not my favored option. I’d be more inclined to tell her up front: “It’s not fun playing with you because I almost invariably lose by a lot, and the few times I make a decent show – or win (very rarely) – your reactions cause me upset.” (And if she uses a word finder, then she’s explicitly cheating, and where’s the fun in that?)
There’s no way to be polite here. She won’t take it so easy. Just tell her you want to play with others too. Accept a request once every two weeks or so and eventually she will top bothering you.
I play with friends too and if I really good I sometimes lose by blaming others. Till now only one friend made the connection but he smiled and never shared this with the others. Why I do it? because I don’t like playing along, no matter what game it is. So in my own interest I let them win. I congratulate them even when I let them and even when they beat me fair and square. I take no offense in losing a game. The point of a game is to have fun not to always win it :P
Tell her she’s too good. Duh. Like we don’t want to hear that. Then maybe you can find a game where you’re more competitive.
By the way, I wouldn’t necessarily writer her off as a poor sport because of her play habits. It could be just that’s the way she thinks people act when they play games. More likely she’s just an ass, but it’s possible!
How about, “I’d rather not play this game with you anymore. I’m tired of losing. Let’s just talk.” If she takes offense, so be it. Then bring up topics you could talk about. You’re good at that.
@ANef_is_Enuf I hate that damned tattling Game Ticker! Check steps 2 and 3 on this page to block your cousin from seeing your game activity.
I’m amazed you’ve played that many with her already. Just say you are no longer interested in this game.
Weaning your way off anything starts with admiting that you want to.
Step one down.
Slowly diminish the amount of time each day you actually play with her. use that time to communicate verbally more than the focus on the game.
If I was playing a game against someone and beating the pants off them, I would be bored too and be ok with letting it go.
If you’re looking for a replacement game, I’m curious as to whether UNO is an option.
The majority of the game play is random chance rather than specific skill. This would even things out between the two of you. I’m not familiar enough with FB to know what games are available. My FB account is rarely used :)
If you can’t find another game, you might just have to bite the bullet and have an honest talk with her.
Just thought of this. What if you started intentionally and obviously letting her win. Make stupid mistakes to her benefit. Do you think she’d notice? I think I would. It might be an interesting conversation.
@Blueroses holy cow, that is awesome, thank you!
@snowberry I am already to that point, naturally. I don’t even try anymore.
@ANef_is_Enuf I was going to say to just stop playing and say “listen, I’ve won 2 out of 200 games on WWF, it’s not fun any more,” but then you added that this is the only way to keep in touch!
Or you could call in a ringer that would beat her every time, in your name, then she wouldn’t want to play anymore and you could just keep in touch by chatting and messaging and stuff. I volunteer FutureMemory, he seems a bit of a shark in the word game department… ;-)
@blueiiznh
“If I was playing a game against someone and beating the pants off them, I would be bored too and be ok with letting it go.”
If you were beating the pants off me you would let me go? :(
lol
I like what @JilltheTooth said in her first comment. Or you could take the other advice mentioned and just be honest and tell her you’re not having fun playing it anymore. Maybe instead of keeping in touch by playing WwF, y’all should just keep a normal chat box going.
You and I should play again. Dude I totally mopped the floor with your ass last time, and I’ll do it again! And if you beat me, I’m gonna cry and call you names!!!! :P
@ANef_is_Enuf Oooh, I had to scroll up and see what she said. I’ve just changed all my “app” setting to be viewable by “only me”. Yay!
THANK YOU @Blueroses!
@Meego The important clue in that statement is the word “game”.
What you said would not be a game.
Woo, make that three wins!
In case your wondering that was my pirate face and I’ve come to take back my pants
ミ●﹏☉ミ
Ooooh, cool! But it looks like a drunk kitty to me. But I’ll take it!
@snowberry
It can be a drunk kitty too. Lol it does look like a kitty now that I think of it…
This is the real cat!
/\__/\_____
(=.=),,__,,_)~~~~
. $$$
$$$ ’ >
$$$ <3
$$
I’d sure like to figure out how to make this my new avatar. I’m a mess when it comes to things like that.
Looks like a squished kitty…..ミ●﹏☉ミ
I had the same issue with games I used to play on Facebook. They also tend to be very time consuming. I quit them all and block all requests. I’ve had an account with Pogo for about six years now. Some games require a partner but you can almost always play the robots if you’d rather. I play scrabble all the time. There are also a lot of solitaire games. Good luck!
I recently discovered pogo too because Facebook scrabble will not load for me.
I have a Pogo account, I used it forever to play games like that. But, I don’t want to spend money on something like that right now, and the games I like on Pogo are for paid members. It’s a good site for games, though.
LOL I’m finally getting the hang of this. I wondered how everyone seemed to know I was new to this site until I looked at the number next to my icon, verses the numbers next to others. I look like a baby. Hmm…I think I like that!
@snowberry In answer to your question about how to make that kitty your icon… I would try typing it out, printing it out and scanning it back into your computer as a jpg file. I bet that would work… I’m thinkin’.
@snowberry I’ll make it for you real quick, hang on. :) Do you have a color preference for the background/text?
@ANef_is_Enuf Hmmm, something that would make the text stand out. A pastel of some sort. And if we could put it in bold, that would be lovely. On my account I’ve started a little collection of such things. I changed the simple dot for an eye into a star, which makes me look so much better, don’t you think? Perhaps you could cut and paste that one. THANKS SO MUCH!
Answer this question 
Composing members:
0
