Should I cancel plans to go to my sister's last minute bday dinner?

I suppose it is hard for me to really answer this, because if it were my sister, I would be able to tell her that I already had plans for the day, and arrange to do something together for her birthday at another time. My family does last minute planning often, and it would be perfectly normal to learn that someone can’t show because they already have plans. That should almost be a given with only a few hours notice.

Can you text her back and say that you can’t go but have a great time etc etc? If she objects, tell her that if you’d had more notice you could have moved thin gs around. You don’t have to tell her what you’re doing, if she asks just tell her that there are plans with “other people”, no more, no less.

If you haven’t texted back, maybe she doesn’t even know if you’ve got the message. “Oops, I left my phone charging on the kitchen counter all day.”

I like Jill’s answer. If she can’t plan ahead too bad. I come from a really tight family, but we always have things figured out way in advance. A last minute text blows.

As you enter your 20’s family dynamics begin to change. You have choices. You can start setting your boundaries now, or let your family bully you around forever. Warning though, setting boundaries like this with family can sometimes have a volatile first reaction, but in the long run, they will learn that if they want you to attend, they need to let you know in advance. The risk is, they could decide to punish you by not inviting you to things. It all depends on your family dynamics.

I know one of my sister’s would be upset but I’m not sure how my 37 year old sister would act. I’m not really close to her and she’s never really been around much when I was a kid until she had my niece.

People are saying that it’s wrong for me to spend time with my boyfriend and “dump” my sister on her birthday. But really I’d be dumping the bf lol.

I was going to cancel plans until I found out that it’s at a seafood restaurant and it’se xpensive as hell. My sister always had expensive taste.

If I were you I’d say I have plans .. and another thing .. what birthday party is that were you pay your own food. You don’t go so you don’t have to pay , not to mention the travel till there.

First of all let’s get this straight from the start. When friends/family make plans in the last day and announce me “hey come at that hour for this event” I have the right to refuse. If it was planned for several days and she told you only today then it’s her loss. Family or not don’t expect them to dump everything they planned just because you made other plans. It’s how I see things. The only time when I cancel plans is when a family member dies or get to the hospital with something really bad. You want me to come? Then tell me at least one day in advance.

I’m not telling you to act like me in this situation but at least I offer you some insight :P

@Hibernate, I think it’s an old fashion thing? My parents think it’s weird that I go to birthday dinners and pay for myself. I’ve never been to a birthday dinner and been paid for.

Can you ask your sister for permission to blow it off? Something like, I would love to come but it’s a little out of my price range and I already had plans, would you mind meeting up for a birthday brunch/coffee/drink another day?

She just told me if I can’t make it it’s okay. I guess she got the feeling I didn’t like it was last minute and that I don’t like seafood lol It’s fine now.

Her last minute plans do not constitute your “emergency,” so unless there is some funky family dynamic at work here, you can politely bow out. I do like the idea of suggesting another date to get together—or maybe you and your date can stop by the restaurant for dessert. And I see you’re off the hook—I can’t type fast enough ;-)

Nope, not driving 45 minutes to stay “hello” and driving back hahahahah. I’ll give her gift cards to other places….

When I invite other at my house or take them to a restaurant in town I pay for all of them. It’s my treat. If someone would invite me somewhere then ask me to pay after myself then I’d tell them next time don’t even bother calling me over the phone.

We have times when we all gather up and pay each after another but when I invite them for an occasion I am celebrating .. what the heck. I’ll have only 2 friends coming up and they will invite me to “celebrate” this sort of parties once every two days.

It’s not a party / celebration if one pays after himself. Don’t get me wrong now. I don’t go to other people parties for the free food and all [I usually bring things there] but it’s a really dull party if you consume what you pay for.

And one more thing. You older sister should know your current situation and not expect you to be there when you are broke :P

I’d like to be where you live and have someone pay for my meals at bday dinners. LOL Again, several years and several times going to birthday dinners I’ve never been paid for. Maybe as a kid where the person hosts. My dad pays for everyone though. I feel bad cuz it’s expensive haha.

In my eyes, shouldn’t the birthday person be treated?? I mean it’s their day after all.

Also, if I were to host my birthday dinner…why should I be expected to pay for everyone’s meal? That’d be very pricy and not everyone can afford that. lol

The birthday person should be treated. We pool our resources and take care of the person having the B-day.

That’s what I feel like it should be, but etiquette is to pay for everyone you have invited. Restaurants are pretty expensive. I have only heard of older people doing this…people around my dad’s age. Maybe 40’s+

@chelle21689 well it might cost but it’s a ONE TIME thing. Me… I invite a lot of people and they usually bring friends. I do not mind. If I make a bit of math how often I get invited to others and how much I spend for a birthday I end up with a ½0 or ½5. So basically I get more out of it :P
Indeed it costs a lot but I’m sorry to say this but you people grew up only expecting to receive. Sorry indeed. I want to see when you’ll change this to giving not only receiving. Isn’t it enough that you receive presents? Or the friends give you cards wishing you happy birthday :)
And I usually do this more than once. I don’t only invite them hen it’s my birthday. I like to cook so I invite them at least once per month. I give but I receive a lot. I feel a lot better when I see they feel that good.

And let’s take it back for a few hundred years. When a king/prince/lord/etc had a celebration for something [be it birthday or not] did he ask for something as a pay? Indeed there weren’t that many people invited and those who came brought gifts but when one was hosting he covered all the expenses. Just sayin’

Bottom line, sister or not, with last minute invites you are under no “obligation” to attend if the event conflicts with your previous plans. On top of that, I’d like to think you can be 100% honest with your sister and tell her that along with the short notice, you also cannot afford to attend a pricey dinner.

It seems she is being rather insensitive to your circumstance, and should know that your attendance might be out of your budget league.

I vote for total honesty, no excuses, and don’t feel the need to over apologize!

Perhaps you can tell her that you’d like to get together one on one soon and maybe you can make her a cake or a modest meal at your place.

I am a firm believer in never forcing yourself to do anything to appease others.

More people get sucked into doing things they really don’t want to do out of a sense of obligation, and, ultimately, this is the worst reason for doing anything.

Don’t lie. But don’t go either. The combination of the last-minute invitation coupled with your very legitimate plans make it reasonable to refuse and to give the reason. Don’t apologize at all. It is she who should.

Then offer to do something together in honor of her birthday at a time and place convenient to you both.

This way she may consider changing her behavior. You are behaving in a mature and healthy way. Don’t let any family members make you feel guilty.

Because it is so last mintue and lack of communication you can certainly no attend due to that.

On the other hand “costume shopping, zombie makeup testing, and a bunch of other stuff” can be done anytime, but a Birthday celebration is a once a year thing for family. I have no idea of your family dynamic and that plays a lot into this choice. However, you are allowed to revert to the lack of notice and plans you already have to settle this in your head.

Do what is most important to you. Only you can determine that.

Question…...has your sister ever been to any of your birthdays?

That’s what you’re gonna do because you can’t handle the guilt-trip. So tell your boyfriend you’ll do costume shopping some other day.