Advice on a first break-up please?

Tell him you expected more from the relationship :P

@Hibernate
Um. I’m not doing that.

Or maybe that you are not ready for a full time relationship :p

First of all, I have to ask you why talking to him in person is not an option. Do you live more than 2 hours away? If not, find a way to talk to him in person, whether you have to take a bus, beg for a ride from a friend, take the train, or ask your parents to drive you.

Breaking up with people on the phone or by text or by e-mail or even in a letter is really insensitive. Even if it’s inconvenient for you to do so, find a way to talk to him in person.

All you have to say to this fellow is that you’ve realized that you don’t have much in common and you just can’t see the relationship going any further, because you just don’t feel the same way as you did at the beginning. Tell him you don’t want to hurt him and you want to give him a chance at meeting someone more compatible.

Honestly, the only reason I say that in person is not an option is because I’m selfish and only thinking of myself; plus, I’m a complete wimp.
But what do I know right? I’ll take your advice and do it in person.

But I’m just so nervous, because I know I will be happier not being in a relationship, but im not sure how he will feel.

“I’m just not into you anymore”

It’s never easy and it really is hard to tell you to say anything but what your true feelings are telling you.

They are your feelings and others shoudl simply respect your feelings and desires.

Sorry to hear, and good luck on it.

I’m pretty sure he will get over it really fast and really easy. It’s not like you guys spent to much time together and grew attached to each other.

@Hibernate
We’ve been friends for 6 years.

Nobody said you can’t remain friends. You said the whole boyfriend-girlfriend started a month ago.

Be honest and don’t wuss out. You should meet with him face to face and have the courage and integrity to express your feelings.

You may wish to say that you find the friendship more appealing to you than the romantic side and that you are sorry if he is hurt, but you hope he can get past the disappointment and you can remain friends.

He may not feel he is able to do this and that is his choice.

You must accept that you may not get a “cake and eat it too” outcome.

Such is life, but….be a big girl and don’t break up over the phone. Not cool!

The trick I used was to tell him all the nice things there are to him. Everything you know.
Then slip in, that you want to end it (Not in those words). Worked for me.

Why is in person not an option? You could invite him over to your house and do it or you could do it at school.

What is not an option is cowardice. You were glad enough to date him in person. You owe him a face-to-face end.

As to what say, just say the truth as you described it above. I no longer feel romantic toward you. I want to date other people, and for you to be free to date other people too.

@Hibernate Yeah that’s true.
@Coloma Okay, thank you.
But here is another problem. Neither of us can drive yet, and I usually only see him once a week (at church). I won’t be at church this week which means I will have to wait until NEXT week, and I really do not want to wait that long.

You know what is nice? Telling him straight and telling him the truth. Don’t try to get out of hurting his feelings. You can’t do it, and besides which, you’re not the kind of person who acts like a weasel.

If you don’t like him any more, then tell him that. It might be nice to give a more specific reason why, but you can leave it at that if you don’t know. Just say you don’t feel the warm fuzzies any more.

But please, on behalf of all boys everywhere, do if fast and make it clear it is over and there is no hope. Do not allow any wiggle room. He may call you a bitch, and too bad. In the long run, he’ll appreciate it. If you try to drag it out and be nice, then he’ll really be calling you a bitch, over a longer period of time.

Hopefully he’ll understand this is what happens, and he won’t have much feelings for you and he’ll move on with no problem.

You could just use the classic “it’s not you, it’s me” line, followed by yet more random bullshit.

I would not recommend the phone if you can at all help it.

@ucme one can easy get caught up in a lot of drama with that line. “I can cope with that .. we’ll work around those issues”. You can’t believe how creative kids nowdays are ^^

You guys have been friends a long time, but not together as a couple for very long. Maybe tell him that you feel that your relationship worked better as friends, and you’re sorry, but your feelings towards him are more that of friendship than of romance.

Another vote here for in person. I know it’s awful to think about, but it’s a lot more respectful to him.

“I’ve decided that I want to be seeing and dating other guys. I jumped into this thing with you too quickly and I’m not ready for a committed relationship at this point in my life.”

But you should keep that in mind for the next one who comes along, too. Apparently that’s a personal issue that you should keep in mind about yourself: you over-committed, and too soon in the relationship. You’ll want to watch that (about yourself).

@NostalgicChills I really like @CWOTUS answer. It’s respectful and it’s honest at the same time.

Thank you for admitting that the only reason that you didn’t want to break up with this fellow in person is because you’re nervous. There’s nothing wrong with being nervous, but you still need to do this in person.

Breaking up with another person is one of the hardest things you’ll ever have to do in your life, but I’m glad to hear that you are taking one of the first steps towards adulthood and maturity, in that you are going to do the right thing. Never allow yourself to get into the habit of wimping out, because if you start doing that now, the habit will be hard to break and you’ll get a reputation of being a cold hearted jerk. I know you aren’t a cold hearted jerk, just a person who jumped into a relationship too quickly, that’s all.

Just talk to this fellow and tell him that you value his friendship, but that you jumped into a romantic relationship too quickly and now you feel kind of weird about it, so you have to break up. If he begs you to stay with him, just tell him that you want to be friends, but you can’t be more than that, because you just don’t feel that way about him and it wouldn’t be fair to either one of you. Then next time, spend a lot more time getting to know the other person before you get into a romantic situation with them.

@NostalgicChills

I understand your dilemma, and, it is a valid one.
I suggest that you be friendly and nice in any conversations this week and if he picks up on a slightly “off” vibe, do not deny it.
If this is the case then it would be okay to tell him you wish to have a talk with him after church on Sunday. If he pressures you for more info. then, it would be alright to tell him that you are unsure of your intentions at this time and that you’d prefer to talk more this weekend, face to face.

Good luck and welcome to the muddy waters of relationships, you are now, officially, in “training.” haha

@ucme
That is true! It’s not a “line.”
It is ALWAYS about us, first and foremost of all.
Things change, people change, feelings change, it is what it is.

A recent relationship friendship breakup I decided to initiate was all about ME. I couldn’t continue with this person and stay in my integrity. Sure, there were things about them that were not working for me, on an integral level, however….I chose to let them go so as to be true to myself and remain walking my talk, which would be nothing but talk, if I wasn’t willing to walk it. lol

What complicates this is that you have been friends for 6 years. When you are only 16, 6 years is a long time. Do you still want to remain friends, or have you decided that you are so incompatible that you no longer what friendship. Boyfriends come and go, but friends are worth holding onto. If you want to continue as friends then you have to treat him like one. You have to speak to him in person and tell him that although you like him as a friend, you don’t want to remain as boyfriend and girlfriend. Good luck.

No email, no text message, no phone call to him. Why? In person shows respect for him and you can and will feel better about yourself, when you do.

This will not be your only breakup with someone in your life, so you might as well learn not to be a wimp, during a fallout.

It’s just part of everyones life and we all have had to do this at one time or another.

Thanks guys, seriously.
I feel so much better now, and more confident about doing the right thing.
I’m glad to be a part of Fluther! :D

If you think you’re old enough ‘to get a boyfriend’, you’re old enough to break up face to face or karma will bite you in the ass and years later you’ll be all ‘oh but I’m so awesome, why did he break up with me via post-it?’

@NostalgicChills

Knock ‘em dead kiddo..well, not literally! ;-)

If you’re gonna break up with this guy, please, pleasepleaseplease, at least have the courtesy to do it to his face. He deserves that much. I’ve only ever had two major relationships so far, and both of them ended via text message. Believe me, it is one of the shittiest ways to end a relationship, even if you’re being nice about it. Just try to let him down gently, hope for the best, but expect the worst. Most of us guys are more emotional than we let on :P

@Coloma It is a line & when any fella over here has the audacity to use it, the lass will most probably punch him on the nose…..deservedly so. Probably one of the more cheesy break up lines known to man.

@ucme

Yeah, it has a reputation as a “line”, but, it really is true, sorry, going too deep. lol

Very simple, you’ve been friends for six years…shouldnt be hard to tell him to his face dont you think? You do it by text or otherwise, you’ll lose him for good. Show you respect him and appreciate him and he’ll take it lightly. Just tell him you dont feel the same way. Dont give him bullshit answer. ‘just want to be friends.’ so lame. and too easy. Just stick too ‘i dont feel the same way.’ Thats it.

@Sher_King , Nicely said. I really hate the expression “just friends.” It is so demeaning of the act of friendship.

If you’ve been friends for six years and you break up with him on the phone I guarantee you will not remain friends, it’s cold and insensitive. Grow up, you’re in a relationship. If you’re old enough to enter into that with another person you should be old enough to respect them on the way out.

I did it today, face to face.
Its done and over with, thankfully.

Thanks to those who were helpful.

Good for you! :)