What do you do when someone close pushes you away?

You have to communicate. Sounds like she may not be ready or want to take it to the next step and you are perhaps pushing too hard. But if you talk it out I think you may just find you indeed have a good friend you can lean on in your time of need, even though she is not your “official” girlfriend. You may also find she has issues she is dealing with and she needs some space and can’t be there for you just now.

I thought this phrase from you post was telling: “I guess you could call her my girflfriend but she’s always been afraid to make it official. ”

I hate to tell you this, but her being afraid to make it official may have been her way of trying to gently let you down. If she is now pushing you away, it may be because you did not get the message.

It would be helpful if she were more direct, but people aren’t always—for a lot of different reasons.

A wise woman once said to me that in our culture we put too much emphasis on what is said. Actions, she said, are just as important as the words.

You could ask her straight out if she is trying to end things or change the status of your relationship. You could also step back, look for support around your tough situation from other sources, and give her some space.

I hope things go well for you.

You need to talk to her. I’m myself guilty of ‘pushing away’ my husband when something’s bothering me and he hasn’t taken the time to ask.
She probably doesn’t want to ask you to ask her what’s wrong, but until you do, she won’t want to get any closer.

It could also be that she’s not ready to get closer with you, but doesn’t want to add to the troubles you’re having.

Either way, you have to take the time to talk to her about it. Tell her what you’ve observed and felt about her behavior and give her a chance to explain.

We probably need more information about her. Does she typically keep things to herself, or is the opposite normally true? Has she had any recent happenings that might cause her to feel stressed or upset? It could be that she has more going on than you know, so it’s worth asking. Try to think back to when her behavior started to change. But, from what you’ve said, I am inclined to agree with Marina and say she’s probably not into a relationship with you right now.

Not knowing this girl I can’t judge her motivations, but anyone who pushes you away at precisely the time when you need the most emotional support is not a particularly loyal friend of any sort, girlfriend or otherwise. Part of having a mature friendship is being there when one of you is going through a rough time.

At a glance if she’s pushing you away when you need her emotionally, it’s not a coincidence- she’s uncomfortable with the idea that you need that from her.

Combine that with the fact that she doesn’t want to make things “official” and it makes me think you should rely on someone more emotionally available for a little while, and not put pressure on this girl who doesn’t want to be there for you or call you her boyfriend.

I’m not saying break up with her, but recognize what role people play in your life and adjust accordingly. Maybe she’s great to have fun with and go out with or whatever, so when the time comes and you want to do things like that, then call her up.

Run like hell!

It’s time to move on, and find another girl who will be more comfortable with you.