Do you think exes will treat their next significant other better than the last relationship?

I think it depends on whether or not said ex has acknowledged his/her shortcomings and is addressing them in a productive manner.

I would say that he might treat her better for the moment, but that won’t last. She is the shiny, new toy that will eventually be treated like all the others once the thrill of newness wears off.

Of course, that assumes that he has never acknowledged that he may have issues, but its rare for people to admit to that sort of fault, so I am playing the odds. If he has admitted that he has problems then it’s a different ball game.

The smart one will.

Well firstly, I think that is between them and does not involve you. It is not in your control and it will not affect you so I would try not to dwell on what happens in their relationship.

More generally I would say it depends on whether or not he accepts and acknowledges his own failings within earlier relationships. Some people can go through life screwing up but it is never their fault, it is always someone else who made the mistakes. They were just on the receiving end. If he is in denial about his own part in your and other break-ups, then she is undoubtedly in for the same. If he has woken up to the fact that he played a part in the demise of earlier relationships and perhaps even gets some help to resolve his problems, she may have a much better time.

I just read @Jerv’s response and we are in agreement obviously.

I’m having a hard time dealing with this. I was really happy with my boyfriend and I didn’t want my ex back. I fear that this thought of my ex and his new gf consumes me and will affect my relationship now. I spent time with my bf today and I tried hard not to let it show that I was sad. I just want to not be sad about it ya know?

I would like to say yes, but in my one experience it was no. I was with a guy for 6 years, it was bad. similar to you just more up on the extreme scale. It got to the point where I wasn’t allowed to talk unless spoken to, and if one of his friends asked me something I would have to look at him askingly to get permission to respond. The breaking point was when he locked me in the room (literally locked, he put a front door door knob on the room door but reversed it so he could lock it and I couldn’t get out.) and only let me out to go to work, get us food or smokes. He was not affectionate, and constantly talked down to me, calling me things like ” a fat worthless P.O.S” (I got big when i was with him due to the fact that I was only allowed to eat what he ate which was McDonald’s). After I finally ended it for good I found out 2 weeks later that he had a new gf, (they are now engaged) and he was treating her WAY better then he treated me… for the first year. Now I hear from mutual friends that he is starting to treat her the exact same way he treated me.

Oh, my ex wasn’t abusive at all. Just not as sweet and caring a boyfriend should be. He was kinda selfish and thought about himself more than me. When he broke up with me he did cry really hard the hardest I ever seen him and continued to love me afterward. I like to describe him as a “robot”. He doesn’t show his affection and emotions much at all…he did the first several months of dating. All the poems and the attention was good. But he’s always been that way…passionate about a new toy for a while and clouded.

But then again people tolerate different things. It wasn’t a bad relationship but it wasn’t great. There was a deep love but like I said that doesn’t mean the relationship was wonderful.

I’d like to think that I learned from each relationship I had in the past and brought that knowledge to make the next relationship even better. It’s a learning experience.

Whether someone else is into learning and improving their relationship skills is not something I care to speculate about.

In the case of your ex that you have outlined above, not likely.

But you need to stop obsessing about the ex and his new relationship. Are you dating?

Smart ex’s learn new things. It’s too bad you are thinking about him so much that your new bf has taken notice. I can tell you for sure, having been someone’s new gf and other times being the one with a new bf that reminiscing about the ex’s is like pouring death on a new relationship.

Do you want your ex in bed with you and your bf? The way I see it, this is what’s happening. Sorry to say, but you really, really need to let go : ( Unless she is your sister, bestie or someone you care about, how he treats her is her problem, not yours. She may think he’s the cat’s meow and perfect for her because her expectations of the relationship are not what yours were. My ex was/is a nice, likeable man, but… he wasn’t the one for me and didn’t allow me to grow the way I needed to. I think it’d be great for him to get a gf.

On a side note… if you enter a relationship wanting/thinking to change the other person you’re gonna be sadly mistaken. You should take people as they are. To me, tweeks like putting the cap on toothpaste is a reasonable request, asking them to change their core to suit you is not. ~just saying : )

Neizvestnaya, my bf hasn’t taken notice but I’m afraid he will. But being with him today felt better because of all the things he does, he treats me really good and he’s so sweet. I feel better today. I just hope each day gets easier.

@chelle21689: If ever you get an inkling your new guy thinks you’re pondering the old guy then tell him you have days when you think of the old guy, not because he was good but because your new guy is so good and it brings contrast to mind. Tell him you get little sads but only because it’s new for you to enjoy so much good.

The more time put between the old relationship and this one, the better you’ll feel and optimally, the new one will eclipse the length of time spent on the last. At that point, the old one kind of mentally neutered!

I had a friend who was on his second marriage. He told me one time that you have to be more careful because you both know that you can survive being alone for a while so you are more tolerant of each others idiosincracies so that you do not have to go through it again.

Thanks neiizvestnaya for being understanding. I hate when people are telling me I’m being unfair and to break up with my bf. Why would I do a dumb thing like that? I think it’s normal to feel this way. I’m hoping it’d pass. I thought of it less today.